WWE Monday Night Raw 8/16/10

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We’re LIVE from Los Angeles!  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  Last night, Team WWE survived!

The Nexus come out.  Wade Barrett says they eliminated six of the best that Raw had to offer before they lost last night.  He says the Raw roster will face severe consequences because of their loss.  John Cena interrupts.  He makes fun of Barrett for tapping out and for having a British accent, apparently.  Cena calls them the Expendables.  Cena puts over Daniel Bryan for “eliminating half of the Nexus by himself.”  Actually, I think it was 2/7ths.  Cena says it’s been proven that they can be beat.  Cena calls Otunga “a below average male escort.”  It’s true.  He calls Tarver “an MMA bank robber who works nights as a male stripper.”  He calls Slater “the chick from Wendy’s.”  A graphic shows up on the tron for that one.  He says Young is proof that Cena’s mother had a lusty affair with Buckwheat.  He implies that Gabriel is gay and Sheffield is retarded, or something.  He says The Nexus is history.  Young tries to retort, but Cena reminds him that he tapped out in under a minute, calling him the weakest link.  The Nexus start to argue amongst themselves.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  The crowd hates that shit.  iBooker says tonight, Nexus will face members of Team WWE in a series of matches, and promises “consequences” if there is any interference.  Barrett says that’s not punishment, it’s an opportunity for redemption.  Crowd chants “YOU TAPPED OUT!”  Barrett says any Nexus member who loses tonight will be exiled from the group.  Otunga tells Barrett that that applies to him too.  Cole gets ANOTHER email from the iBooker that says The Nexus can choose which Nexus member faces which Team WWE member… except for Barrett, who will face Chris Jericho NEXT!  Great opening segment.  Cena had some really funny lines.  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Wade Barrett vs. Chris Jericho.  “Y2J!” chants.  Jericho goes on the attack.  Jericho hits a suplex.  The Nexus are watching backstage!  Jericho lands a dropkick.  Barrett goes to the apron.  Jericho knocks him off with the springboard dropkick.  Jericho brings Barrett back in and goes up top, but Barrett boots him to the floor.  Barrett rams Jericho’s back into the side of the apron, then beats him down at ringside.  Barrett whips Jericho into the corner.  He’s working Jericho’s back.  Jericho fires a chop, so he’s gonna be in trouble since he’s not Asian.  Barrett pulls Jericho’s back into his knee.  Jericho fights out and catches a charging Barrett with a boot.  Jericho hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Jericho hits some shoulder blocks and the bulldog.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Barrett counters out and goes for his move.  Jericho counters and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Barrett gets a rope break, then mows down Jericho with a big boot for 2.  Jericho avoids a backdrop suplex and lands an enzuigiri.  He goes for the Codebreaker, but Barrett counters and hits his Fireman’s carry slam for the pin in 5:22.  Fine little TV match.

Tonight, members of The Nexus vs. members of Team WWE!  Wait, how the fuck is Bret going to work a singles match?  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Justin Roberts introduces tonight’s guest hosts from the movie “Going The Distance,” Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, and Justin Long!  They come out and goof off, then introduce Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya).  Cole gets yet another email from the iBooker 9000 saying that from now on the titles will be known as the WWE Tag Team Championship.  Presenting the new belts is Bret Hart!  The new belts are fugly.  The Nexus appear on screen.  Wade Barrett says Bret’s opponent tonight will be Justin Gabriel.  Gabriel says tonight, Bret will experience the 450 splash.  Commercials.

Plug for the SummerSlam song.

Los Angeles!

Cole and Lawler talk about Daniel Bryan’s return last night.

Michael Tarver vs. Daniel Bryan.  Cole is in full Danielson hate mode.  They lock up.  “DANIEL BRYAN!” chant.  Tarver lands a bunch of punches.  Bryan boots him in the face and hits a running knee for 2.  Bryan hits some shoulder stunners and a suplex for 2.  Danielson lands some kicks.  Bryan ducks under Tarver and lands a dropkick, then a missile dropkick.  Bryan nips up.  WWE United States Champion The Miz and Alex Riley run out to distract Bryan.  Tarver gets a schoolboy for the pin in 2:09.  Bryan hits a tope suicida on Miz.  Miz, Riley, and Tarver beat down Bryan.  Miz gives Bryan the Skull Crushing Finale onto the briefcase.  The match was fine while it lasted, but why the fuck does that useless piece of shit Tarver get to stay?

Gabriel vs. Hart is next.  Commercials.  Fuck.

Moments ago, The Miz fucked Daniel Bryan and everyone who watches WWE by saving that piece of shit Michael Tarver’s spot.

The Miz and Alex Riley are walking backstage.  Josh Matthews stops them to interview them.  Miz really hates Daniel Bryan.  He puts over Riley, then Riley puts himself over.

The Nexus are chatting in their locker room.  Black Cena says he wants Cena tonight.

Gabriel vs. Hart is next for real this time!  Commercials!

Cole gets YET ANOTHER FUCKING EMAIL FROM THE iBOOKER 9000!  It says that Bret won’t be wrestling tonight.  Thank God.  The iBooker doesn’t like Bret Hart.  He’ll be replaced by… Randy Orton.  Fuck.  Goodbye, Justin Gabriel.

Justin Gabriel vs. Randy Orton.  Lock up.  Orton backs Gabriel into the corner.  Gabriel escapes and throws a kick, which seems to amuse Orton.  Gabriel grabs a side headlock, then lands some more kicks.  Orton is enjoying this.  He catches Gabriel’s leg, then hits him with clotheslines.  Orton hits the powerslam, then the DDT OF MURDER, then humps the mat.  WWE Champion Sheamus comes out.  Orton meets him to brawl on the floor and into the crowd.  Orton gets counted out in 2:49.  Gabriel gets the stay.  I’m relieved.  Orton realizes he lost, then drops Gabriel with the RKO.  Orton beats the shit out of Sheamus with a chair.  Orton starts to leave, then comes back and gives Sheamus an RKO.  I’m just relieved that Gabriel keeps his spot.  He’s the best member of the Nexus by far.  Commercials.

Moments ago, Orton fucked Sheamus’ shit all up!

Skip Sheffield & David Otunga vs. John Morrison & R-Truth.  Morrison and Otunga lock up.  Morrison hits a side Russian leg sweep and tags in Truth.  The Nexus are backstage watching Truth hit a diving leg drop for 2.  Sheffield tags in and gets beaten up by Truth.  Sheffield hits an over the shoulder powerslam, then stomps on Truth.  Otunga tags in.  Truth hits a Complete Shot and makes the tag to Morrison.  Morrison runs wild.  Sheffield makes a blind tag and kills Morrison with a clothesline, then knocks Truth off of the apron.  Sheffield hits another killer lariat on Morrison for the pin in 2:59.  This wasn’t good, but Sheffield is awesome.

Melina, Eve Torres, & Gail Kim are headed our way!  Commercials.

Last night, Michelle McCool and Layla attacked Melina after she won the Divas Championship.

WWE Divas Champion Melina, Eve Torres, & Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox, Maryse, & Jillian Hall.  Jon Lovitz is in the crowd.  Gail rams Maryse’s head into the mat.  Why do that?  You actually know how to wrestle!  Gail hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Gail ties Maryse to the tree of woe and tags in Melina, who hits Maryse with a running vagina to the corner.  Melina gets beaten up in the heel corner.  Maryse lands a kick for 2.  Fox tags in and hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Fox stretches Melina across her knee.  Melina hits a jawbreaker.  Eve and Jillian tag in.  Eve runs wild.  Eve hits a senton, but Fox saves.  Melina takes Fox out.  Gail takes Maryse out.  Eve drops Jillian and goes up top, but Jillian kind of powerbombs her down for the pin in 2:53.  Was not expecting that finish.  Jillian never wins anything.  Fox and Maryse kind of bicker.  The match was sort of okay.

Josh Matthews interviews Edge.  Heath Slater interrupts.  Slater wants Edge to take a forfeit the match.  Edge says he’s not going to forfeit a match to Wendy.  Slater decks Edge.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Some dude from True Blood is here.

Heath Slater vs. Edge.  Edge is pissed.  He kicks Slater’s ass.  Edge goes up top, but Slater cuts him off and knocks him to the floor.  Slater beats up Edge on the outside.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Slater beats up Edge.  Edge avoids a splash in the corner and makes his comeback.  Edge-O-Matic gets 2.  Slater hits a big flapjack for 2.  You can hear some fan yell “I hate you, Heath Slater!”  Edge spears Slater in the corner.  Slater avoids a baseball slide dropkick, but Edge drops him with a big boot on the floor.  Edge goes for spear at ringside, but Slater slips back into the ring and wins by count-out in 4:31.  It was there.  Edge spears Slater after the match.  Commercials.

Los Angeles!

Justin Long talks to Great Khali backstage.  Long says Khali doesn’t do the Kiss Cam because he has a girlfriend now.  Khali speaks Khalese.  Ranjin Singh translates that Khali wants long distance relationship advice.  Singh shows a picture of Khali’s girlfriend, who is apparently very ugly.  The other 2 goobs come in and are very vocal about her ugliness.  Khali scares them away.  Khali looks at the picture and says “Yeah, she’s pretty ugly.”  The Bella Twins come in and leave with Khali.  Stupid segment.

SummerSlam Rewind is last week’s hype leading up to last night’s show.

Cena vs. Black Cena is NEXT!  Commercials!

WWE Rewind: Last month, John Cena beat the fuck out of Darren Young.

Darren Young vs. John Cena.  The rest of the Nexus come out to stand on the stage.  Young goes for a schoolboy immediately, but gets 0.  Young gets a backslide for 2.  Cena wrings Young’s arm and takes him down with a side headlock.  They lock up and Young grabs a side headlock.  Cena does a drop down, leapfrog, shoulder block, then goes back to the side headlock.  Young hits a leg drop for 2.  Young hits a short range lariat for 2.  Young hits a suplex for 2.  Young hits a butt butt for 2.  Cena fights back.  Young boots him in the gut and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Young applies a rear chin lock.  Young catches Cena charging in the corner with an elbow smash, then hits an elbow drop for 2.  Young hits a leg drop for 2.  Young hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  I’m shocked that Young is getting any offense, much less dominating Cena.  Young knocks Cena out of the ring and dropkicks the steps into him.  Cena beats the count back in at 9.  Cena avoids a leg drop and makes his comeback.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Young counters and goes for a sunset flip, but Cena counters into the STF for the win in 7:59.  The match… was there.  The Nexus surround the ring… but let Cena leave.  Young pleads his case.  Lawler calls Young “Daniel Bryan.”  Wrong dude altogether.  The Nexus beat the shit out of Young.  Barrett hits his Fireman carry slam.  Gabriel hits the 450.  The Nexus 6 stand tall.

This show… was fine as far as keeping the angle going, but none of the matches were any good and the show felt like a mess at times.

One Response to “WWE Monday Night Raw 8/16/10”

  1. […] iMPACT!: The Whole F’N Show 8/13- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 8/15- WWE SummerSlam 2010 8/16- WWE Monday Night Raw 8/17- WWE NXT Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)WWE NXT 7/20/10General Opinions on […]

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