TNA iMPACT! 7/1/10

Abyss/Hogan storyline video package.

“The Voices In My Head.”  Do they counsel him and understand?

Abyss throws some chairs into the ring and stalks So Cal Val, then scares some kids and steals their chairs.  He stalks Val again.  Hulk Hogan comes out.  Eric Bischoff comes out to try to convince Hogan not to get himself killed.  Security comes in to break it up.  Bischoff slaps Abyss.  Abyss takes out the guards and goes after Bischoff.  Hogan hits Abyss with chair shots that are no sold.  Abyss goozles Hogan.  Jeff Hardy comes out and hits Abyss with the Twist of Fate, then throws chairs at him and hits the Swanton Bomb.  Abyss recovers quickly.  Security holds Hardy back from fighting Abyss again.  Stupid segment.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Tonight, #4 Contender AJ Styles takes on #6 contender Samoa Joe.  Abyss shows up at the announce table, points at Taz and says “You!” then beats up some more security guards.  Ugh.

Moments ago, all of that stuff above happened.

During the break, Abyss tore shit up backstage.

Hogan and Bischoff talk while Hardy paces back and forth.  Hardy says he’ll take Abyss out tonight.  Bischoff promises that he and Hogan have Hardy’s back.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Ink Inc. vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  Shelley and Moore start.  Moore goes after Shelley’s arm, then his leg.  They do some fast paced super juniors stuff.  Neal tags in.  Ink Inc. double team Shelley.  Neal wrings Shelley’s arm, then tags Moore back in.  Moore’s stuff looks like crap but Shelley makes it look good.  Moore hits a dive to the outside on both Guns.  Brother Devon comes out to the announce table to do commentary and keep an eye on things.  Guns double team Moore and dropkick Neal off the apron.  Moore half ass hits a Lionsault body block on Sabin.  Neal and Shelley tag in.  Neal runs wild.  Neal spears Shelley, but Sabin saves.  Sabin sends Moore outside.  Neal hits a sidewalk slam on Sabin.  Neal sets up Shelley on the top rope.  Brother Ray comes out.  Devon cuts him off.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Neal.  Shelley pins Neal in 5:26.  It was fine, but it did remind me how much Shannon Moore sucks.  Team 3D argue.

Tonight, The Pope returns to TNA!

Eric Bischoff comes out and announces Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy for tonight, with TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam as the referee.

Dixie Carter shows up backstage.  Commercials.

Dixie Carter is here, and is ignoring some idiot asking her why she’s here.  Probably to give Russo a blow job while he books an 11-man dildo on a pole match or something.

AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair & Kazarian) vs. Samoa Joe.  They lock up.  Crowd chants “JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU!”  Joe slaps AJ.  AJ bails.  Styles comes back and gets the crap beaten out of him.  Joe beats the hell out of AJ and repeatedly glances at Flair.  Styles tries to leap frog Joe, but gets slapped down again.  Styles lands a dropkick.  Styles chokes Joe and gets reprimanded by the referee.  Styles slams Joe, then puts the boots to him.  Styles tries to suplex Joe, but fails and gets front suplexed himself.  Styles takes out Joe’s knee, then puts him in a rear chin lock.  Joe makes his comeback.  Joe hits a senton for 2.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster, but AJ counters it and hits a Dragon screw leg whip.  Styles goes for the figure-four leglock, but Joe catches him and locks in the Coquina Clutch for the submission win in 6:40.  Most mediocre Joe/Styles match I’ve ever seen, but still pretty decent.  Flair berates AJ for losing.  Styles challenges Kazarian to a match next week.  Kazarian agrees.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Dixie Carter talk about Sting.  Kevin Nash comes in.  They blow him off.  Hogan and Bischoff want Dixie to fire Sting.  She says she’ll do something about it tonight.

Submission Match: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Brian Kendrick.  Wolfe attacks Kendrick.  Kendrick fights back and kicks his ass.  TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams joins Tenay and Taz for commentary.  Kendrick goes for the Cobra Clutch, but Wolfe counters it.  Wolfe beats up Kendrick on the outside, then bitches at Chelsea.  Wolfe brings Kendrick back into the ring, then kicks him out again.  Wolfe beats up Kendrick outside.  Again.  And bitches at Chelsea.  Again.  Wolfe throws Kendrick back into the ring.  Again.  Kendrick takes Wolfe down and grounds and pounds him.  Wolfe turns it into a arm hold.  Kendrick escapes.  Chelsea leaves.  Kendrick locks in the Cobra Clutch for the win in 3:38.  Lame match.  Second match in a row that is really good on paper, but shitty TNA storylines screw it up.

Tonight, Abyss vs. Hardy with RVD as referee!

The Pope is NEXT!  Commercials.

Tommy Dreamer gets questioned about why he’s in TNA while he’s trying to get into his car in some grassy area.  That’s stupid.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero hype video.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out and cuts an emotional promo about his return.  Kurt Angle comes out and welcomes Pope back.  Angle informs Pope that they’ll wrestle at Victory Road.  Angle says he has to win.  Apparently if he loses before becoming champion again he’s leaving TNA.

ShopTNA.com!

Jay Lethal/Ric Flair video package.

Jay Lethal comes out and talks about Ric Flair and AJ Styles beating up his little brother last week.  He calls them out.  Matt Morgan comes out instead.  He says he’s been asked by Flair to join Fortune.  He hasn’t decided yet, but he and Flair agreed on something.  Lethal attacks him before he can say what that is.

Jay Lethal vs. Matt Morgan.  Morgan beats up Lethal and says that the agreement was to kick Lethal’s ass.  Okay then.  Morgan hits a sidewalk slam.  Lethal fights back, but Morgan catches him and hits a fall away slam.  Morgan beats up Lethal some more.  Lethal avoids the Carbon Footprint and makes his comeback.  Lethal drops Morgan with a shoulder block and hits a dropkick for 2.  Lethal springboards, but Morgan goozles him and pushes him out of the ring.  Hernandez comes in and hits Morgan in the balls behind the referee’s back.  Lethal hits a springboard dropkick for the pin in 4:54.  This sucked.

Backstage, Abyss hammers nails into a board while ranting like a lunatic.  The nail board is his new weapon.  Abyss vs. Hardy with RVD as referee tonight.  Commercials.

Non-Title: Taylor Wilde vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne.  They lock up.  Rayne pulls Wilde’s hair, then spears her and rams her head against the mat.  Wilde fights back.  Double clothesline spot.  Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, and Raven show up in the crowd.  “ECW!” chants.  Wilde misses a diving cross body.  Rayne hits her crappy reverse Playmaker for the pin in 2:58.  Angelina Love attacks Rayne and tries to DDT her on a chair, but Rayne escapes.  This sucked, like everything else on the show.

Dixie Carter is going up into Sting’s clubhouse.  Commercials.

Sarita beats the hell out of Taylor Wilde backstage.  There goes my favorite female tag team.  Security finally breaks it up.

Tenay and Taz hype the Victory Road card.

Dixie finds Sting in his clubhouse.  She suspends him for 30 days.  Sting says Dixie has been conned.  Eric Bischoff comes in with security to carry Sting out.  Bischoff tells Dixie she needs a bodyguard.  The dumb woman doesn’t realize Hogan and Bischoff are playing her.  Art imitates life.  Commercials.

Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy.  Rob Van Dam is the special guest referee.  Hardy attacks Abyss and the manage to get the nail board away from him.  Hardy knocks Abyss out of the ring and hits him with a slingshot dive.  Abyss sends Hardy into the post.  Abyss beats up Hardy.  Abyss hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Abyss tries to use a chair, but RVD takes it away.  Hardy schoolboys Abyss for 2.  Hardy sets up the chair to use it as a springboard for the Poetry In Motion.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Abyss drops Hardy with a boot and hits a big splash for 2.  Abyss goes for the Shock Treatment, but Hardy counters and hits the Twist of Fate.  Hardy goes up top, but Abyss cuts him off and sets up a chokeslam.  Hardy fights him off and hits the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 6:13.  This sucked.  Abyss attacks Hardy, then hits the Black Hole Slam on RVD.  Abyss retrieves his nail board.  Ken Anderson runs out and hits Abyss with a chair.  He accidentally hits Hardy with the chair.  Abyss hits the Shock Treatment on Anderson.  Abyss stands tall over the other guys in the four-way at the PPV.

This show sucked.  The matches sucked.  The storylines suck.  This promotion sucks.  My decision making abilities suck because I watch this shit every week.

One Response to “TNA iMPACT! 7/1/10”

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