WWE Monday Night Raw 5/17/10

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our announcers LIVE from Toronto!  Tonight’s Raw is commercial free!  Tonight, John Cena takes on Sheamus and Buzz Aldrin is the guest host.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Bret Hart comes out and cuts a promo.  He says he’s not going to wrestle tonight.  Chris Jericho comes out to talk about how Bret is a washed up has been and so forth.  They argue over which one of them is the phony.  Usual “You’re washed up.”  “Well, you’re a dick.” banter.  Bret says he’ll face The Miz tonight.  Jericho challenges Bret to make it a No DQ match.  Bret agrees and says he’ll win the United States title tonight and the Hart Dynasty will retain the Tag titles at Over The Limit.

Cole and Lawler hype stuff.  Tonight they’re doing the Pick Your Poison gimmick with Edge and Randy Orton.

Parody of the Geico Commercials with Great Khali and Ranjin Singh in a compact car and Hornswoggle in a Hummer.  Whatever.

Edge comes out and cuts a promo on Randy Orton.  Christian’s music interrupts.

Edge vs. Christian.  They lock up, break, lock up again.  They do some nice wrestling.  Christian hits a forearm for 1.  Edge slaps Christian, then bails.  Christian chases Edge around the ring.  Edge uses the opportunity to get a cheap shot in and get the advantage.  Christian fights back.  Christian stands on Edge , then goes for the palm strike.  Edge counters.  Christian avoids a baseball slide dropkick hits one of his own, then hits a dive to the outside.  Edge sends Christian into the post.  Christian barely beats the count back in the ring.  Edge puts the boots to him.  Edge works Christian’s arm.  Christian fights back and goes for his corner rebound kick, but fails.  Edge throws him down and covers for 2.  Christian goes up top.  Edge cuts him off and goes for the DDT.  Christian hits him off and hits a tornado DDT for 2.  Christian gets rolling on the offensive.  Missile dropkick gets 2.  Edge goes for the Edge-O-Matic.  Christian goes for the Killswitch.  He gets countered, but finally hits his palm strike from the outside.  Christian pulls Edge across the top rope, then goes for a diving headbutt.  Edge avoids it and hits the Edgecution for 2.  Christian ducks a kick and schoolboys Edge for 2.  Edge drops Christian and goes for the spear.  Christian counters and hits his diving sunset flip for 2.  Edge wrings Christian’s arm again and fails the spear again.  Christian hits his rebound kick and diving European uppercut, then goes for the Killswitch.  Edge counters and rams Christian’s shoulder into the post, then hits the spear for the pin in 12:08.  Really good match.  The match is better than my review.  I gotta stop watching my wrestling after 2 AM.

Randy Orton appears on the screen and congratulates Edge on his win, but tells him that Christian wasn’t his choice for Edge’s opponent.  GONG.

Edge vs. The Undertaker.  Edge immediately takes sanctuary on the ring apron.  The referee counts him out in 39 seconds.  This was stupid.  Christian throws Edge into the ring to get chokeslammed.

John Cena/Batista Over The Edge hype video.

Maryse reads a magazine with Trish Stratus on the cover and complains to the makeup lady.  Eve Torres shows up and pours baby powder on her.  CATFIGHT!

Buzz Aldrin and his wife Lois chat.  Vickie Guerrero interrupts.  Didn’t she resign last week?  Aldrin calls her on it.  Aldrin slips up and says “WWF.”  He says he talked to the board, and her replacement will be here next week.  The Bella Twins come in to bounce Vickie from the building.

Last week, Batista fucked Mark Henry up.

Mark Henry comes out for a match.  Batista attacks him from behind with a 2×4 and fucks him up all over again.  He sends Henry’s injured shoulder into the post, then rams his spine into the post.  Batista whips Henry into the steps, then walks over him to get into the ring.  Batista calls for his spotlight so he can pose.  Stupid.  Replays.  Still stupid.  This is apparently meant to entice us to pay $45 to see Batista vs. Cena on Sunday.

Last December at TLC, Sheamus won the WWE Championship when John Cena fell through a table.  They’ll have a match tonight.

MasterCard parody commercial hyping the Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. R-Truth feud.  Dibiase comes out for his match accompanied by VIRGIL!

Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Virgil) vs. Yoshi Tatsu.  Dibiase takes Yoshi down.  They trade hammerlocks.  They counter hip tosses until Yoshi finally gets one.  Yoshi hits a dropkick for 2.  Dibiase hits a gut buster, then kicks Yoshi in the ribs.  Dibiase keeps the heat on Yoshi with a rear chin lock.  Yoshi makes his comeback and connects with a bunch of kicks.  Cover gets 2.  Dibiase ducks a kick and hits the Dream Street for the pin in 3:10.  Fine little match.  Virgil brings Dibiase a microphone so he can cut a promo on R-Truth, who he will face at Over The Limit.

CM Punk/Rey Mysterio Jr. video package.

Cole and Lawler hype Over The Limit.

The Miz and Chris Jericho chat backstage.  Josh Matthews tries to interview Miz, but Miz takes the mic and cuts his own promo on Bret Hart while walking to the ring.

No DQ Match for the WWE United States Championship: The Miz (c) vs. Bret Hart.  Miz bails immediately, because he’s afraid of a frail old man.  Miz says he paid a couple of guys to neutralize the Hart Dynasty when they do their inevitable run in.  Vladimir Kozlov and William Regal come out.  The Hart Dynasty come in through the crowd and brawl with them.  Chris Jericho come in through the crowd and he and Miz corner Bret.  Natalya comes in to back up Bret.  Really?  She slaps Jericho.  Miz grabs her.  Bret decks Miz.  Jericho decks Bret.  David Hart Smith comes in and takes out Jericho.  Miz decks Smith.  Miz goes for the Sharpshooter on Bret, but Tyson Kidd hits Miz with a springboard dropkick.  Hart Dynasty hits the Hart Attack on Miz.  Bret locks Miz in the Sharpshooter to win the US title in 3:54.  Seriously?  That’s motherfucking retarded.  The Harts celebrate.  It’s still retarded.

WrestleMania DVD pimping.

Moments ago, the Hart Family celebrated some fucking retarded booking.  For once, I agree with Cole.  Cole and Lawler announce the next stupid thing, the Money In The Bank PPV.

2 weeks ago, John Cena beat Wade Barrett, then got jumped by Sheamus.  Cena vs. Sheamus tonight.

Some silly commercial with Santino Marella.

Layla and Michelle McCool come out, both wearing Women’s Championship belts.  They show the title win over Beth Phoenix from Smackdown.

WWE Women’s Champion Layla, Michelle McCool, & Maryse vs. WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres & The Bella Twins.  They have a big catfight before the match, then Layla and Eve start the match.  Neat cover for 2 by Layla.  Eve hits a Samoan drop for 2.  Eve hits a neckbreaker for 2.  One of the Bellas tags in and does stuff with Layla.  Layla gets another neat cradle for 2.  Layla is looking good here tonight.  I mean wrestling-wise.  McCool knocks the Bella off the apron, then tags in and rams her into the barricade.  Layla tags back in and misses a leg drop.  McCool tags back in against the other Bella.  The Bella runs wild on McCool and decks the other heels off the apron.  McCool avoids a diving cross body and tags in Maryse.  Maryse hits the DDT for the pin in 3:41.  Whatever.  Maryse and Eve cat fight again after the match.

Toronto!

Josh Matthews interviews the WWE Champion, John Cena.

WWE.com hype.

Non-Title: Randy Orton vs. World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger.  Swagger with an amateur takedown to start.  Orton responds in kind, and trumps him with a knee to the back of the head.  Swagger lands some blows on Orton.  Orton hits the 3.0, then the Garvin Stomp.  Swagger avoids a knee drop and hits a lariat for 2.  Swagger works a rear chin lock.  Orton fights back and gets rolling with some clotheslines.  Swagger bails.  Orton pursues him and gets his face rammed into the announce table.  Swagger throws Orton in the ring.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Swagger counters with a belly to belly suplex.  Swagger hits 2 springboard Vader Bombs.  Orton bails.  Swagger knocks Orton off the apron and into the announce table.  Swagger beats up Orton on the outside, then back inside the ring.  Orton avoids a springboard Vader Bomb and catches Swagger with a kick to the middle.  Orton starts his comeback.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER.  He gets up for the RKO.  Edge runs in to cause the DQ win for Orton in 7:20.  Orton RKOs Swagger.  Edge spears Orton.  Fine match.  Edge stands tall heading into the PPV.

NXT hype.

Cole and Lawler hype the Over The Edge card.

Justin Roberts introduces guest host Buzz Aldrin.  He cuts a promo about space travel and gets the “WHAT?” treatment from the jackass Toronto crowd.  Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox come out.  Ryder cuts a promo on Canada.  They show a video of Aldrin punching a guy in the face for talking shit about him.  Evan Bourne and Toronto’s own Gail Kim come out for a mixed tag match.

Zack Ryder & Alicia Fox vs. Evan Bourne & Gail Kim (w/ Buzz Aldrin).  Ryder and Bourne lock up.  Ryder taunts Bourne.  Bourne kicks the crap out of him.  Bourne gets a sunset flip for 2.  Ryder hits a neckbreaker and stomps on Bourne.  Bourne counters the Rough Ryder with a schoolboy for 2.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Gail hits a missile dropkick on Fox for 2.  Gail kicks Fox into Ryder.  Ryder low bridges Gail out of the ring.  Fox beats up Gail.  Fox hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Gail hits a jawbreaker.  Ryder tags in.  Bourne runs wild on him.  Bourne knocks Ryder down with a knee and goes up top.  Fox pushes Ryder out of the ring.  Bourne hits a dive to the outside.  Gail hits the Eat Defeat on Fox for the pin in 3:24.  Fine little match.  Bourne and Gail celebrate with Aldrin.

Jack Swagger/Big Show hype video.

Next week’s guest host is Jon Lovitz.  Who?

Geico parody commercial with Goldust on a blind date.  Seriously.

Non-Title: Sheamus vs. WWE Champion John Cena.  They lock up.  Sheamus puts Cena into the corner and attacks him.  Cena fights back and throws Sheamus out of the ring.  They brawl.  Sheamus whips Cena into the barricade.  Sheamus throws Cena back into the ring and covers for 2.  Sheamus keeps the pressure on Cena.  Cena hits a suplex, then throws Sheamus into the post and out of the ring.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus counters and hits the uranage backbreaker for 2.  Cena hits a slidewalk slam.  Cena charges Sheamus in the corner, but Sheamus connects with an elbow.  Sheamus connects with a knee to knock Cena off of the apron.  Repeat.  Cena ducks the third and tries to get rolling, but Sheamus counters the bulldog.  Sheamus baseball slide dropkicks Cena out of the ring and rams his face into the announce table.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus knees Cena in the face.  Cena makes his comeback.  Sheamus holds on to the ropes to block the Attitude Adjustment, so Cena throws him out of the ring.  Batista comes in and hits a spinebuster on Cena to cause the DQ in 9:18.  Okay match.  Batista hits 2 more spinebusters, then puts Cena in the Rings of Saturn and screams for Cena to quit.

Some good stuff on this show, but a lot of shitty booking.

One Response to “WWE Monday Night Raw 5/17/10”

  1. […] 5/13- WWE Superstars / TNA iMPACT! 5/14- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 5/16- TNA Sacrifice 2010 5/17- WWE Monday Night Raw 5/18- WWE NXT 5/20- WWE Superstars / TNA […]

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