WWE Monday Night Raw 5/3/10

WWE open, “Last week on Raw…,” Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Jacksonville, Florida. Tonight, Randy Orton will be Edge’s guest on The Cutting Edge! Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Batista comes out and bitches about the way he lost at Extreme Rules, the silly duct tape finish, which they show on the screen. He whines for a while, and eventually says that tonight, he and John Cena will have a Beat The Clock Challenge to determine who gets to choose the stipulations for their match at Over The Limit. He calls out his opponent, The Miz. Sheamus comes out instead. Sheamus recites his own complaints and grievances, then challenges Batista to put his title shot on the line tonight. Batista says no. Sheamus says he’ll be WWE Champion again soon.

Batista faces The Miz NEXT!

United States Champion The Miz comes out and tells Batista that he still can’t wrestle after Big Show KTFO’d him last week. He has a piece of paper with “Doctor’s Note” written on it. Miz says he has a replacement, his NXT rookie Daniel Bryan!  Miz tells Bryan to not get pinned in 30 seconds.  Bryan says he’s sick of this crap and is going to make Batista tap out.

Beat The Clock Challenge Match: Batista vs. Daniel Bryan (w/ WWE United States Champion The Miz).  Batista immediately goes for the Batista Bomb, but Bryan counters into a sunset flip for 2.  Bryan locks in an ankle hold.  Batista kicks free and bails.  When he comes back in, he rams Bryan into the corner and beats him up there.  Bryan gets a sleeper hold, but Batista escapes and kicks Bryan in the face for 2.  Batista whips Bryan into the corner, and then into the opposite corner.  Bryan catches Batista with a boot and clamps on a guillotine, but Batista throws him off Northern Lights suplex style.  Delayed cover gets 2.  Batista throws Bryan out of the ring and follows him out, then hits a spinebuster into the side of the ring.  Back inside, Batista nails a lariat for 2.  Bryan starts fighting back, kicks Batista in the head, then gets kicked in his own head.  Cover gets 2 for Batista.  Bryan connects with some kicks and locks in a crossface.  Batista struggles to get a rope break.  Bryan puts the boots to Batista and has to be pulled off by the referee.  Batista kicks Bryan in the knee, then spears him.  Batista hits the Batista Bomb for the pin in 5:08.  Okay, this was kind of awesome for what it was.  After the match, Batista hits another Batista Bomb, just to be a dick about it.  The official time to beat is 5:06.  Batista comes back and delivers a third Batista Bomb.

Later tonight, John Cena will face Chris Jericho in the second Beat The Clock match!  Guest host Wayne Brady is on NEXT!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Jacksonville!

Last week, Edge speared Randy Orton and cost him the #1 Contendership!  Tonight, the Cutting Edge!

WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres poses for pictures.  Wayne Brady chats with her.  Jillian Hall sings at him.  Brady gets rid of her, then makes nice with Eve some more.  Eve notices her belt is missing.  Maryse hits her in the face with it and steals it.

Edge talks to some production geek.  The geek says they can’t show any good footage of Edge.  Josh Matthews interrupts to interview him.  Edge says WWE is PG, but he’s rated R, and he’s going to cause controversy.

NXT commercial.

Ted Dibiase Jr. comes out.  They show him trying to hire R-Truth to be his Virgil last week.  Dibiase cuts a promo about it.  He says he’ll hire somebody to slap some sense into R-Truth.

Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. John Morrison.  Dibiase goes on the attack.  Morrison does his fancy stuff, clotheslines Dibiase out of the ring, and hits a nice springboard 450 splash to the outside.  Dibiase takes the count-out loss in 1:15.  He challenges Dibiase to comeback and restart the match.  Dibiase refuses.  Morrison says if he loses, he’ll be Dibiase’s Virgil.  Dibiase heads back to the ring.  Commercials!  Dibiase holds Morrison in a body scissors and beats him up.  Dibiase slingshots Morrison into the top rope for 2.  Dibiase continues to beat up Morrison.  Morrison connects with one of his fancy kicks and makes his comeback.  Morrison goes fro the Flying Chuck, but Dibiase trips him and covers for 2.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but Morrison counters.  Dibiase hits a powerslam for 2.  Dibiase hits a big lariat for 2.  Dibiase hooks Morrison for the Dream Street again, but Morrison kicks off the turnbuckles and lands on top for the pin in 9:44 (think Bret/Piper from WrestleMania VIII).  Fine little match.  Dibiase jumps Morrison from behind after the match.  R-Truth comes down to chase off Dibiase.

Earlier tonight, Batista beat Daniel Bryan!  Next, John Cena takes on Chris Jericho!

Last Friday on Smackdown, Big Show KTFO punched Chris Jericho!

John Cena comes out for the match.  Jericho comes out SUITED UP.  He says beating Cena again(?) tonight would be a waste of time, so he’s putting Wade Barrett in his place.  Barrett says Cena isn’t beating him.

Beat The Clock Challenge Match: WWE Champion John Cena vs. Wade Barrett (w/ Chris Jericho).  They lock up.  Cena does ground work and tries to get the quick win.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho gets on the apron.  Cena throws Barrett onto Jericho.  Cena throws Barrett back in the ring.  Jericho attacks Cena behind the referee’s back.  Barrett kicks Cena into the announce table, then throws him back in the ring and beats up him.  Barrett does very well, stretches Cena a bit, and mows him down with a big boot for 2.  Barrett continues to beat on Cena as the clock dwindles down.  Cena takes Barrett down and locks in the STF for the win in 4:38.  Fine little match.  Barrett looked good in there against Cena.  Before Cena can announce the gimmick match for the PPV, Sheamus runs in and hits him with the pump kick.

The Cutting Edge TONIGHT!

Another WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Maryse vs. Nikki Bella (w/ Brie Bella).  Maryse doesn’t have the belt, so I guess she gave it back after she stole it.  They lock up.  Bella does some stuff.  Maryse bails and gets caught between the Bellas.  An enviable position to be in.  Back inside, Nikki goes up top, but Maryse pulls her off.  Cole calls her the Divas Champ, because Cole is retarded.  Maryse hits the DDT for the pin in 1:01.  Whatever.  They show pics of Maryse posing over an unconscious Eve.  Eve comes out, has to struggle to get into the ring, then is held back by the referee while Maryse leaves.  This segment just got demoted from “Whatever” to “Utterly fucking pointless.”

Gail Kim and Alicia Fox are at ringside.  Zack Ryder is in the ring.  He’s single since Rosa was drafted to Smackdown, so that’s why he invited the Divas out here.  He calls out Primo for a rematch of their Superstars match, making some slightly racial remarks.  Wayne Brady appears on the screen and informs that he’ll be facing Mark Henry instead.

Zack Ryder vs. Mark Henry.  Henry slams Ryder a bunch.  Ryder avoids a charge in the corner and kicks Henry’s leg, then hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Ryder hits the Rough Ryder for 2.  Ryder pounds on Henry.  Henry rams Ryder into the corner and beats him up some more.  Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin in 1:51.  Fun little squash.  Henry leaves with the ladies.

Chris Jericho and The Miz complain to each other about them both getting KTFO’d by Big Show.  Jericho has an idea about how they can pay Show back.

They show Edge spearing Orton last week.  Again.  Cutting Edge tonight.  The more they hype it, the less I care.

John Morrison hype video.

Vladimir Kozlov is backstage with Wayne Brady.  Kozlov is pleased that Brady has given him competition.  Santino Marella comes in dressed in 70s clothes.  Wrong Brady.  Santino still wants to tag with Kozlov.  William Regal tells Kozlov they have a match tonight.  They’re back together?  Oh, Santino brings up how Regal betrayed Kozlov.  Santino says he was one of the 7 people who watched ECW.  So me, my friend Cecil, Meltzer, Alvarez, Vinny, MGFanJay, and Santino were ECW’s viewership.  Regal says they’ve sorted it out.  Santino says “Regal, Regal, Regal!” in Brady Bunch fashion.  Oh, and Goldust is dressed in a maid’s outfit.  Brady thinks he’s Alice.  Goldust says “Who’s Alice?” Hilarious segment.

Review of the people who were drafted to Raw in the supplemental draft.

Unified Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty and Natalya are headed our way!

Last Monday, the Hart Dynasty beat Show Miz for the Unified Tag Team Championship!

Chris Jericho and The Miz have joined the announcers.  I think I get Jericho’s plan!

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. William Regal & Vladimir Kozlov.  Regal and Kidd lock up and Regal goes into awesome Regal mode.  Kidd fights back.  Kozlov trips Kidd, who takes a bump to the outside.  Bad guys get heat on Kidd.  Smith gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Regal knocks Kidd of the apron the knee trembler.  Smith avoids the knee trembler and locks in the Sharpshooter for the win in 2:43.  Miz tries to jump Smith, but gets cut off.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Smith.  Miz gives Smith the Skull Crushing Finale.  I approve of the Mizard of Fozz.

More hype for the Cutting Edge, which I actively don’t want to see by this point.

NXT commercial.

Flavor Flav is next week’s guest host.  Fuck.

Justin Roberts introduces Edge for the Cutting Edge.  Edge cuts a promo I don’t give a fuck about.  Wayne Brady comes out and has fun cutting a promo on past guest hosts.  Randy Orton comes out and RKOs Brady.  Edge tries to convince Orton not to RKO him and to reform Rated RKO.  Edge bitches about the people not accepting him as a babyface, but they accepted Orton.  Edge says if Orton doesn’t join him, he’ll spear him every week.  Orton goes for the RKO.  Edge counters and boots him in the face, then goes for the spear.  Orton counters Edge MID SPEAR with the RKO.  Okay, that ruled.  Okay, this segment turned out way better than I expected.  Orton stands tall.  Replays.  Edge and Brady are still laid out.

This Raw turned out to be pretty fun.

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One Response to “WWE Monday Night Raw 5/3/10”

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