TNA iMPACT! 4/26/10

“Last week…” video.

“Mr. Monday Night”

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Tonight, AJ Styles & Sting face Jeff Jarrett & Jeff Hardy, plus Ric Flair takes on Abyss!  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  David Penzer is the ring announcer.

Hulk Hogan comes out and babbles for a while, then introduces the NEW TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Rob Van Dam.  Damned if that belt doesn’t look good on him.  Van Dam tells “Hulkie” that from now on, he is to be known as “Mr. TNA.”  Hogan seems to approve.  RVD makes some pot references and talks about how awesome he is.  AJ Styles and Ric Flair come out.  Hogan says they weren’t invited.  Is anyone ever?  Crowd chants “EX WORLD CHAMP!” at AJ.  Styles talks shit to both of them and raises some valid points.  Flair cuts a typically great promo on Hogan.

The Beautiful People bitch about Madison Rayne having to defend the Knockouts Title tonight.  Lacey is stupid.  I’m pretty sure that’s the point.

Tara/Angelina Love/Beautiful People video.

Three-Way Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship: Madison Rayne (c) (w/ TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich) vs. Angelina Love vs. Tara.  The Beautiful People are ejected by the referee before the match.  Tara clotheslines Rayne.  Love and Tara stare at each other, then fight.  Rayne comes in and tries to steal the pin, but gets beaten up by Love.  Tara attacks Love again.  Love gets hurt.  Rayne knocks Tara out of the ring.  Commercials.  Love beats up Rayne.  Tara is still selling on the outside.  Rayne tries to bail, but Love pulls her back in and hits a World’s Strongest Slam for 2.  Tara comes back in and throws Love into the post and out of the ring.  Rayne schoolgirls Tara for 2.  Tara hits a snap suplex into a guillotine.  It sure looked like Rayne was tapping.  Rayne hits a shitty face plant.  Love comes back in and fights them both.  Tara hits an airplane spin into a side slam on Love.  Rayne knocks Love into Tara, then schoolgirls Love for the pin in 8:19 (including commercials).  This sucked.  Tara and Love brawl after the match.

Sting & Styles vs. The Jeffs TONIGHT!  Plus, Flair vs. Abyss!

Shannon Moore is getting ready!

ShopTNA.com!

TNA X Division Championship Match: Kazarian (c) vs. Shannon Moore.  Kaz is still belt-less.  They lock up and wrestle.  Nice exchange of arm drags.  Kazarian avoids a leg a drop.  Moore hits a rana and an atomic drop, then a leg drop for 2.  Kazarian hits a cool slingshot arm drag and a spinning neckbreaker for 2.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver, but Moore counters.  Kazarian shoves Moore into the referee.  Moore goes up top.  Kazarian rocks him with a kick and goes for a Frankensteiner, but Moore knocks him off.  Matt Morgan runs out and shoves Moore off the top rope, then throws him back in the ring.  Kazarian hits the Axe Guillotine Driver for the pin in 4:20.  It was an alright little match.  Not as good as the match from a few weeks ago, though.  SAMOA JOE comes out and MURDER DEATH KILLS Kazarian and gives him the Muscle Buster.  Bad ass.

Abyss cuts a promo in some darkened backstage area.

TNA World Tag Team Champions Matt Morgan asks Jesse Neal to defend the titles with him.  Neal says no, based on how Morgan treats his tag partners.  Morgan brings up Neal’s Navy buddy who died, which makes Neal start to reconsider.

AJ Styles is headed our way!

Jeff Jarrett and Jeff Hardy are also headed our way!

Falls Count Anywhere Match: AJ Styles & Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett & Jeff Hardy.  Everybody brawls.  Hardy and Styles brawl outside.  Sting and Jarrett brawl in the ring.  Hardy suplexes Styles on the ramp for 2.  Sting and Jarrett brawl in the crowd.  This match has 2 referees.  That’s smart.  Everybody comes back to the ring and breaks down into a tag match.  Why?  Styles low blows Jarrett to escape a sleeper.  Jarrett tags Hardy, but the referee doesn’t allow it because he didn’t see it IN A FUCKING NO DQ MATCH.  WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKERS?  Jarrett and Sting do a double down.  Jeff gets the tag again, but the referee STILL DIDN’T SEE IT.  Jeff says “Fuck this shit” and kicks Styles’ ass anyway.  Sting leaves.  Just fucking leaves.  Hardy goes up top, but Styles cuts him off.  Styles goes the Styles Clash on the stage on Hardy, but gets reversed.  Jarrett goes to the back and brawls with Sting.  Hardy puts Styles on a table and sets up a ladder on the stage.  Sting hits Jarrett with a bat.  Sting pins Jarrett on the steps in 6:15.  Hardy has reached the top of the ladder, but since the match is over, the fucking referee pulls AJ off the table.  This match was the worst fucking match in the history of terrible fucking matches.

Jesse Neal talks to Team 3D about teaming with Matt Morgan against them tonight.  They discuss it for a while, then 3D give their blessing.

The Pope is headed our way!

ShopTNA.com!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out.  They show highlights of the match with AJ Styles at Lockdown.  Pope has his arm in a sling and a studded eye patch.  Pope cuts a promo.  Mr. Anderson interrupts and babbles for a while, then challenges Pope to a match at Sacrifice.  Pope pimp slaps Anderson.  Anderson kicks his ass, rips off his eye patch, and thumbs Pope in the injured eye.  Security breaks it up.

Team 3D has put Syxx-Pac through a table backstage.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Matt Morgan (c) & Jesse Neal vs. Team 3D.  Devon and Neal do stuff while the crowd does some stupid chant.  Ray tags in and bear hugs Neal.  Kevin Nash and Scott Hall come out.  3D meets them and brawls with them on the ramp.  Neal joins to help 3D.  It’s a no-contest in 1:08.  Morgan drops Neal and takes him back to the ring.  Morgan chokeslams Neal, then poses with the belts.  Commercials.  This was pointless.

Team 3D and Jesse Neal are in the ring.  Neal calls Morgan out because he wants to kick his ass.  Christy Hemme talks to Matt Morgan backstage.  Morgan says he’s off the lock.  Hulk Hogan tells Morgan to go the ring, or deal with Hogan.  Hogan’s like 107 years old, so Morgan could easily take him out.  Instead, he goes back out.  Neal meets him on the ramp and kicks his ass.  3D has disappeared.  Neal goes to hit Morgan with the belt, but Morgan low blows him.  Moore hits Neal with the belt.  Shannon Moore comes out and hits Morgan with a missile dropkick.  Neal and Moore shake hands.  Team Mohawk!  Retarded segment.

Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher are in the office.  Bischoff says the fans will vote for the #1 Contender.  Jay Lethal comes in and lists a bunch of 80s guys.  Stupid.

AJ Styles pumps up Ric Flair for the main event, which is NEXT!

Orlando Jordan, in the gayest get up I’ve ever seen, cuts a promo about Rob Terry.  Tenay and Taz are like WTF?

They show a low key Ric Flair talking backstage, presumably earlier today.

Kevin Nash and Scott Hall talk.  Nash is pissed.

Abyss/Flair video package.

Ring vs. Ring: Ric Flair vs. Abyss.  They lock up.  Abyss overpowers Flair.  Flair chops Abyss.  Abyss punches Flair.  Abyss back body drops Flair.  Flair takes a walk around the ring.  Abyss follows.  Flair chops Abyss.  Abyss punches Flair.  Flair is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Flair goes up top, but Abyss throws him off, just like in every other Flair match you’ve ever seen.  Flair gets knocked loopy and face flops.  Flair kicks Abyss and Earl Hebner in the balls, then punches Abyss with brass knuckles.  ABYSS FUCKING NO SELLS BRASS KNUCKLES, so Flair hits him in the balls with them and gets the pin in 4:40.  Except that Hebner finds the knuckles.  They get into a shoving match.  Hebner resumes the match.  Flair punches Abyss.  Abyss hulks up.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 5:20.  This match fucking blew.  Hulk Hogan comes out to pull Flair’s ring off.  Hogan says he knows who he’s giving Flair’s ring to next week.  So TNA’s only drawing card is WWE Hall of Fame rings.

This show was fucking horrible in every way.  Whoever put this piece of shit together should be fired.  I don’t mean fired from their job.  I mean set on fire.

One Response to “TNA iMPACT! 4/26/10”

  1. […] 4/23- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 4/25- WWE Extreme Rules 2010 4/26- WWE Monday Night Raw / TNA iMPACT! / ROH 4/27- WWE NXT 4/29- WWE Superstars 4/30- WWE Friday Night […]

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