WWE Monday Night Raw 4/26/10

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We’re LIVE from Richmond, Virginia!  It’s DRAFT TIME!  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

The Unified Tag Team Champions Show Miz come out.  Miz cuts a promo on the Hart Dynasty.  He calls for Bret Hart to come out and hold up his end of the deal, and declare Show Miz the greatest tag team of all time.  Bret’s music cuts off Miz’s catchphrase.  Bret declares that Show Miz are the greatest tag team.  He also declares other ridiculous things, like The Mountie being the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time, David Arquette being the greatest World Heavyweight Champion of all time, and Miz being a horse faced idiot.  Okay, that one was true.

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz (c) vs. The Hart Dynasty (w/ Bret Hart & Natalya).  Kidd and Miz lock up aggressively.  They do some good wrestling.  Kidd hits a basement dropkick on Miz for 2, then tags in Smith.  Smith hits the stalling suplex on Miz.  Miz bails, but gets caught between Natalya and Smith.  Smith drops Miz with a shoulder block.  Commercials!  Miz punishes Smith with a rear chin lock.  Smith fights out and hits a backdrop suplex.  Show and Kidd tag in.  Kidd tries to use his speed, but is overwhelmed by Show’s size and strength.  Miz tags in and beats up Kidd.  Kidd gets a quick cradle for 2.  Miz hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Kidd finally breaks free of Miz and makes the hot tag to Smith.  Miz and Smith do some cradles.  Awesome.  Smith hits a powerslam for 2.  Miz goes for a pin with his feet on the ropes, but Bret pushes his feet off.  Kidd takes Show out with a dive from the apron.  Smith schoolboys Miz for 2.  Smith tags in Kidd.  Springboard Hart Attack.  Kidd locks Miz in the Sharpshooter for the win in 11:40!  Harts win the titles!  Fun match.  The Harts celebrate.

Something about Sheamus is NEXT!

Highlights of the John Cena/Batista match from Extreme Rules.

During the break, Big Show KTFO’d Miz with the big punch!

Highlights of the Sheamus/Triple H match from Extreme Rules.

Josh Matthews interviews The World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Swagger.  Edge interrupts.  He says he’s next in line for a title shot.

A Divas tag match for a Divas draft pick is NEXT!

Slam of the Week: Eve Torres beating Maryse for the Divas Championship 2 weeks ago.

Michelle McCool & Layla (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres & Maryse.  Eve and Layla do stuff.  A light “WE WANT MICKIE!” chant breaks out.  Maryse hits Eve.  They brawl outside.  Eve comes back and gets jumped by Layla.  McCool tags in and beats up Eve.  Maryse is actually back on the apron.  Eve makes a comeback and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Maryse tags in, taunts Eve, and eats a boot from McCool for the pin in 4:30.  This was fucking terrible.

Kelly Kelly is drafted to Smackdown.

The Straight Edge Society is headed our way!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Evan Bourne vs. CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows & Serena).  Oh fuck yes.  They lock up.  Bourne hits a rana and lands some kicks.  Bourne does another head scissors, but Punk turns it into a backbreaker.  Punk lands some kicks to Bourne’s back.  Bourne gets a cradle for 2.  Punk hits a kick jumping kick for 2.  Bourne counters a suplex attempt and lands some kicks, then knees Punk the face.  Bourne hits some sliding blows for 2.  Bourne lands a spin kick that sends Punk out of the ring.  Bourne jumps over Serena to take out Punk and Gallows with a dive.  Back inside, Bourne hits a running knee to the corner.  He goes for the Shooting Star press, but the masked guy runs in and crotches Bourne on the top rope while Serena distracts the referee.  Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 3:41.  Good little match.

The Big Show is drafted to Smackdown!

Sheamus is headed our way!

The announcers review the draft kicks so far… all 2 of them.

Teddy Long is happy to have Big Show on Smackdown.  Show feigns being pissed, then hugs Teddy and smiles.  Teddy dances.

Sheamus comes to the ring and cuts a promo.  He says he ended Triple H’s career.  Now he wants the WWE Championship back.  Randy Orton comes out.  He talks about his own feuds with Triple H, or whatever.  He wants a title shot too.  Sheamus points out that Orton lost last night.  Orton threatens to RKO and punt Sheamus.  Sheamus says he’s not dealing with losers, and there’s nothing Orton can do to stop him from getting his title shot.  The WWE Champion, John Cena comes out.  Cena says he’s going to introduce tonight’s guest host… but there isn’t one.  He gets a “phone call” from WWE Global telling him there is no host.  Fucking hilarious.  Sheamus says “Quit jokin’, fella!”  Cena says he was told that he’d be the one to determine who got the next title shot.  Cena books Sheamus vs. Orton in a #1 contender match for TONIGHT!  Sheamus goes for the pump kick, but Orton ducks and goes for the RKO.  Sheamus avoids it and bails.

A battle royal for 3 draft picks is NEXT!

Richmond!

Battle Royal featuring Rey Mysterio Jr., Kane, R-Truth, WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre, Shad Gaspard, Montel Vontavious Porter, Mark Henry, Yoshi Tatsu, Santino Marella, and Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr.  Kane decks Santino, then everybody brawls.  McIntyre goes to eliminate Yoshi, but gets eliminated himself!  Shad eliminates Yoshi.  Guys continue brawling.  Dibiase almost eliminates Mysterio, but Mysterio hangs on.  Commercials.  Fuck.  Everybody’s still brawling, and nobody has been eliminated.  Mysterio eliminates MVP.  Santino eliminates Shad and R-Truth to save Dibiase.  Kane chokeslams Santino.  Henry goes to eliminate Kane, but Mysterio hits the 619.  Kane eliminates Henry.  Dibiase low bridges Kane out of the ring.  Dibiase and Mysterio go at it.  Mysterio hits the springboard Bombs Away.  Dibiase saves himself from being eliminated.  Mysterio saves himself from being eliminated.  Dibiase again.  They fight on the apron.  Dibiase ends up booting Mysterio off the apron for the win in 8:54.  Raw wins, with Dibiase and Santino left.  Santino celebrates, then Dibiase hits him with the Dream Street.

John Morrison is drafted to Raw!  So is R-Truth!  Truth and Wisdom can stay together!  The third draft pick for Raw is EDGE!

Orton vs. Sheamus TONIGHT!

KFC Double Down… replay thing: Heath Slater beat Chris Jericho last week on NXT!

Chris Jericho comes down and cuts a promo, bitching about Edge doing the exact same thing to him that he’s been doing to Edge for months.  He calls for Heath Slater to apologize to him for beating him last week, therefore costing him the PPV match against Edge.  Strange logic.  Slater comes down and apologizes for Jericho’s failure to win.  Slater throws Jericho out of the ring just to fuck with him.

Chris Jericho vs. Christian (w/ Heath Slater).  They go at it.  Christian continues Edge’s leg assault from last night.  Jericho bails.  Christian hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Commercials.  They’re still wrestling.  Christian gets a cradle for 2.  Jericho hits a clothesline for 2.  Jericho hits the decapitator on the bottom rope.  Christian avoids the Lionsault and makes his comeback.  Jericho counters the Killswitch.  Christian puts Jericho against the middle rope and stands on his back, then jumps out of the ring and hits him with a palm strike.  Christian goes for a missile dropkick, but Jericho catches him and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Christian cradles him for 2.  Jericho hits an enzuigiri for 2.  Christian hits the reverse DDT for 2.  Jericho counters the Killswitch again and goes for the Walls of Jericho again, but ends up catapulting Christian into the turnbuckles.  Christian hits his diving sunset flip.  Jericho locks Christian in the Walls of Jericho.  Christian struggles to the ropes and gets the break.  Jericho bitches to the referee.  Christian hits a palm strike from the apron and goes up top.  Jericho catches him in midair with the Codebreaker for the pin in 9:58.  Good little match.  Jericho beats up Slater and hits him with the Codebreaker after the match.

Kofi Kingston is drafted to Smackdown!  Good, he might actually get pushed there.  He runs down to the ring and hits Jericho with the Trouble In Paradise.

John Morrison takes on Jack Swagger NEXT!  They don’t mention it’s the rubber match, but it is for a draft pick!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Earlier tonight, the Hart Dynasty won the Unified WWE Tag Team Championship!  Then, Big Show KTFO’d The Miz!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger vs. John Morrison.  They do stuff.  Swagger does his amateur stuff, which is always fun.  Morrison fights back and works Swagger’s arm.  Swagger comes back and beats up Morrison some more.  Swagger grounds Morrison with a side headlock.  Morrison comes back and dropkicks Swagger out of the ring, then takes him out with a dive.  Back inside, Swagger spears Morrison into the corner to hurt his ribs.  Commercials!  Swagger works on Morrison’s shoulder.  Morrison gets a victory roll for 2.  Morrison hits a kick from the apron.  Swagger knees him in the gut and gets an abdominal stretch in the ropes.  Swagger counters a tornado DDT attempt, but Morrison gets his comeback going anyway.  Morrison hits the standing Shooting Star press for 2.  Swagger slams Morrison down and goes for the springboard Vader Bomb.  Morrison avoids it and catapults Swagger into the turnbuckles for 2.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the knee to the face for 2, as Swagger gets a foot on the bottom rope.  More stuff happens.  Morrison avoids the Doctor Bomb, hits a side Russian leg sweep, and goes for the Starship Pain.  Swagger cuts him off and hits the Doctor Bomb for the pin in 14:28.  Good match, but the ones they’ve had on Smackdown lately are better.

Christian is drafted to Smackdown!  He motions that he wants Swagger’s belt.

Orton vs. Sheamus TONIGHT!

Next week’s guest host is Wayne Brady!

They review the draft picks.

Ted Dibiase Jr. talks to Carlito backstage.  Carlito refuses Dibiase’s offer, whatever that is.  Dibiase welcomes R-Truth to Raw.  He wants R-Truth to be his Virgil.  R-Truth seems to consider it when Dibiase mentions “a lot of money,” then slaps Dibiase.

They show a video of John Cena appreciating the troops.

Orton vs. Sheamus is TONIGHT!

Dolph Ziggler vs. Hornswoggle.  Seriously.  Hornswoggle is for some reason allowed to wear a helmet.  Ziggler chases Hornswoggle around the ring, catches him, and throws him in the ring.  Hornswoggle throws his shoes and helmet at Ziggler and causes Ziggler to get counted out in 39 seconds.  THE MOTHEFUCKING REFEREE WENT STRAIGHT FROM 7 TO FUCKING 10 ON THE COUNT.  FUCK THIS BULLSHIT.  Ziggler puts Hornswoggle in the sleeper after the match.

Chris Jericho is drafted to Raw.  I’m too pissed to be excited.

Randy Orton is headed our way.  Still, fuck Hornswoggle.

Justin Roberts announces the #1 Contender Match.  Batista comes down and says he’s the #1 Contender.  He bitches about losing last night.  Sheamus comes down and calls Batista a loser.  Randy Orton comes down and calls Batista out for being a whiny bitch.  Orton offers to face Batista after he beats Sheamus, and beat him too.  Batista does an overblown laugh.  Sheamus says neither of them deserve a shot.  John Cena comes out and makes it a Triple Threat Match.

Triple Threat Match to determine the #1 Contender for the WWE Championship: Batista vs. Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  Batista bails.  Orton and Sheamus brawl.  Batista comes in to break a cover and throws Sheamus out of the ring.  Batista and Orton brawl.  Orton stomps Batista for like 2 hours.  Orton hits a knee drop for 2.  They brawl outside.  Batista sends Sheamus into the announce table.  Orton and Batista brawl in the ring some more.  Orton rams Sheamus’ head into the post to keep him from getting back into the ring.  Batista boots Orton in the face for 2.  Sheamus gets back in, but Orton beats him up and throws him out again.  Batista hits a spinebuster on Orton, then signals for the Batista Bomb.  Commercials.  WHAT THE FUCK?  I’ve been begging for a commercial for this whole shitty match, and you finally got to commercial when a guy is about to go for his finish?  Sheamus avoids a knee drop from Orton and covers for 2.  During the break, Orton sent Batista into the post, then got dropped by Sheamus, then Orton whipped Batista into the steps.  Now, Sheamus puts Orton in a hold.  Orton fights out, but gets beaten down some more.  They brawl outside.  Batista drives Orton’s back into the side of the ring.  Back inside, Batista clotheslines Sheamus for 2.  Sheamus sends Batista outside.  Orton comes back in.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker for 2, then puts Orton in a shoulder hold.  Orton makes a comeback on Sheamus.  Batista comes in and Orton fights them both.  Orton powerslams Batista.  Sheamus avoids the DDT OF MUDER and sends Orton out of the ring.  Batista hits a move on Orton and covers, but Orton pulls him out and sends him into the steps.  Orton covers Sheamus for 2.  Batista comes back in and Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER!  Orton humps the mat.  Sheamus cuts him off with a knee to the head.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge on Orton.  Orton slips out and Batista spears Sheamus for 2.  Batista sets up the Batista Bomb, but Orton hits the 3.0.  Sheamus hits the kick on Orton.  Orton powerslams Sheamus and hits the RKO.  Edge appears and spears Orton.  Batista pins Orton in 16:47.  The match was boring, and now we have to suffer through Batista/Cena again.  Edge stares at Orton from the ramp as the show closes.

Fuck, this show was long.  There were some pretty good matches and some crap that pissed me off.  Man, Smackdown got raped in the draft.  They lost all of their star power.

One Response to “WWE Monday Night Raw 4/26/10”

  1. […] WWE NXT 4/22- WWE Superstars 4/23- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 4/25- WWE Extreme Rules 2010 4/26- WWE Monday Night Raw / TNA iMPACT! / ROH 4/27- WWE NXT 4/29- WWE Superstars 4/30- WWE Friday Night […]

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