TNA iMPACT! 4/12/10

Jeff Jarrett comes out.  They show Sting dropping him with the Scorpion Death Drop last week.  Jarrett says he’s going to kick Sting’s ass.  He leaves the ring and goes up into the rafters to look for him.  He jumps Sting up in Sting’s little world above the Impact Zone and they fight.  They fight down into the arena and into the ring.  The lights turn off.  Sting magically acquires his bat and beats Jarrett down with it.  Jeff Hardy, Abyss, and Rob Van Dam run out.  Sting bails.

Jeremy Borash interviews Ric Flair, the World Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, Desmond Wolfe, and Chelsea.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  They hype tonight’s matches.

Team 3D and Jesse Neal come out.  Brother Ray takes the mic and says it’s going to be a six-man New York City Street Fight.  Commercials!


New York City Street Fight: Team 3D & Jesse Neal vs. The Band.  JIP.  Everybody fights.  There is lots of plunder.  3D and Neal kick ass for a while.  Neal wears out a Singapore cane on Syxx-Pac.  Syxx-Pac makes a little comeback on Neal as 3D beat up Hall and Nash.  Crowd chants “TABLES!”  Bubba puts a trash can on Nash’s head and whacks it with a cane.  Devon hits Hall with a trash can lid.  Nash falls out of the ring, which is probably dangerous for him.  Bubba kills him with another trash can shot.  Hall gets the WASSUP headbutt.  Devon knocks Syxx-Pac off the apron.  Devon and Neal bring in a table.  Bubba beats up Syxx-Pac, then sets him on a table.  Bubba the Love Sponge runs in to provide the distraction.  Fuck him.  Syxx-Pac hits Bubba in the balls, the hits the X Factor off the top through a table for the pin (about 6 minutes shown).  Total garbage match.  Waltman does push ups over Bubba’s head.  Eric Young makes the save with a hockey stick and challenges Nash to a match at Lockdown.  Nash nods in agreement.  That’s gonna suck.

Christy Hemme interviews Hulk Hogan about how his team has been getting their ass kicked recently.  Hogan eavesdrops on Eric Bischoff talking to Ric Flair.  He questions Bischoff about it.  Bischoff tells him to not jump to conclusions.

Shannon Moore vs. Kazarian.  They lock up aggressively.  Kazarian denies a clean break.  They do some chain wrestling, which is always good to see.  Kazarian works a headlock.  They go back and forth working a hammerlock and do some flippy stuff.  Moore hits a couple of arm drags and cranks on Kazarian’s arm some more.  Moore hits a leg drop for 1.  Moore hits a cross body for 2.  Kazarian low bridges Moore out of the ring and follows him outside.  Kazarian whips Moore into the side of the ring, then throws him back inside and hits his springboard leg drop for 2.  The X Division Champion Douglas Williams comes out to watch the two guys who will challenge him at Lockdown.  Kazarian hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Williams joins the announce team.  Kazarian catches Moore with a gutbuster for 2.  Kazarian hits a move I missed because they keep showing the announcers instead of the match for 2.  Moore fights back and hits what looked like a botched version of Rey Mysterio’s flippy bulldog.  Moore connects with some big blows and sends Kazarian out of the ring.  Kazarian avoids a baseball slide dropkick and elevates Moore to the apron.  Moore hits a diving moonsault body block to the outside.  Back inside, Moore hits a diving rana for 2.  Kazarian hits a swank electric chair suplex hold for 2.  Kazarian tries to set up a super backdrop suplex.  Moore fights him off and hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Kazarian gets a Brisco roll for 2.  They do some cradle reversals.  It goes to a 10:00 time limit draw at 10:01.  Time limit?  Seriously?  Really good match, though.  Williams makes fun of them after the match.  They chase Williams to the back.

JB interviews Velvet Sky.  She explains that the Knockouts title isn’t on the line tonight because it’s in the line in a tag match at Lockdown.!

Hulk Hogan bitches at Eric Bischoff backstage.  Bischoff said he was trying to gain Flair’s confidence to help Hogan.  Bischoff leaves.  Jay Lethal comes in.  He wants to book the Mega Powers vs. The Band.  Hogan says they’ll do it after Lockdown if he can find his tights.  I hope those tights were burned and buried.

Tenay and Taz talk about Bischoff’s shenanigans.

JB interviews the Knockouts Champion, Angelina Love.  Tara interrupts, mad about the retarded way she lost the title last week.  Tara says “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” which is exactly what Bischoff just said.  Commercials.

Christy Hemme interviews Abyss and The Pope.  Abyss says that Wolfe failed to take him out with a fire extinguisher last week, and suggests next time he brings the whole fire truck, or a bazooka, or a rocket launcher.  I’d be down for that.

The girls come out for the Leather & Lace Match.  Velvet says it’s not going to be a leather & lace match, it’s going to be a match with Love handcuffed.  Well, the deal was any stipulations she wanted.  Commercials!

Non-Title: TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love vs. TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Velvet Sky.  Love jumps Sky immediately with kicks and stomps.  Well, she can’t really do anything else.  Sky hits her with the title belt.  I guess it’s no DQ.  Sky says it’s now an I Quite Match.  Sky chokes Love and yells at her to quit.  Love says no, so Sky beats her up some more.  Sky whips her with a riding crop, then yells at her to quit again.  Love still won’t quit.  Fuck.  Sky beats her up some more and threatens to strip her naked.  Sky rips Love’s shirt off.  Love still won’t quit.  Madison Rayne and Lacey Von Erich run out and beat on Love.  Tara makes the save and runs off the Beautiful People, then unlocks the handcuffs.  It’s a no-contest in about 4 minutes.  Whatever.  Tara and Love have an awkward staredown.  Love offers a handshake, but Tara refuses.

Christy Hemme is outside, where Abyss has been jumped.  Commercials!

Christy Hemme is still outside.  She says Abyss got ran over by a car!

JB interviews the World Tag Team Champions, Matt Morgan.  Morgan says he can handle it himself, but he’s been forced to find a partner.  He’s chosen Amazing Red.  Red looks like a midget next to Morgan.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Matt Morgan (c) & Amazing Red vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  Morgan overpowers Shelley to start.  Sabin comes in and gets dropped too.  Morgan does his sidewalk drop and drops Shelley on top of Sabin.  Morgan clears the ring of Machine Guns.  Insta-commercials.  Red and Sabin go at it.  Lots of flippy stuff.  Shelley comes in for another good exchange with Red.  Red falls out of the ring.  Sabin teases a dive, then kicks Red in the face and causes Red to do a complete flip.  Cover gets 2 back inside.  Guns hit the Magic Killer on Red for 2.  Morgan pulls Red to the corner and tags himself in.  Morgan sort of reverse chokeslams Sabin into the turnbuckles.  Guns fight back and get a double cover on Morgan for 2.  Morgan begs off and tags in Red.  Red goes some more flippy stuff.  Guns knock Morgan off of the apron.  Morgan comes in and turns Sabin inside out with a lariat.  Morgan sets up Sabin for the Hellavator.  Red hits the Code Red on Shelley for the pin (5 minutes shown).  Pretty decent little match.  Morgan and Red celebrate, then Morgan kicks Red in the balls and hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Morgan tries to give Red the Carbon Footprint into the post, but the Guns save him.

Christy Hemme hypes a security tape that shows Abyss’ attack.  Commercials.

They show a security tape of Abyss getting hit by a car driven by Desmond Wolfe.

Robert Roode vs. Jeff Hardy.  They lock up.  Tenay announces that Storm vs. RVD will be the opener at Lockdown, with the winner getting the numbers advantage in Lethal Lockdown.  They do some stuff.  Roode misses a dropkick, the Hardy hits hits leg drop through the legs and a dropkick for 2.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate.  Roode bails and pulls Hardy out of the ring.  Roode throws Hardy into the steps, then back into the ring.  Roode slams Hardy and hits a diving knee drop for 2.  Roode wears down Hardy with a rear chin lock.  Hardy fights out and hits a jawbreaker, then drops Roode with a kick.  My video freezes for a second.  They trade punches.  Hardy hits some clotheslines and a front suplex.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Roode counters the Twist of Fate and hits a spinebuster for 2.  They counter each other and Hardy hits a stunner.  Hardy goes for the Swanton Bomb.  James Storm comes out to stop him, but gets kicked away.  Roode tries to cut off Hardy, but Hardy knocks him down and hits the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 6:20.  Alright little match.  Storm attacks Hardy after the match and blows a fireball in his face.  It was edited out of my video, so I had to watch it on YouTube.  RVD runs out to make the save.  Beer Money gives him the DWI.

JB says the fireball was censored, and to watch it online.  Way ahead of ya, JB.  They show Hardy being tended to backstage.

Tenay and Taz hype the Lockdown card.

Kurt Angle/Mr. Anderson video package.

JB interviews The Pope, who no longer has a partner, but still has a job to do.  Jay Lethal comes in, calls JB “Mean Gene,” calls Pope “Slick,” and says “Tonight, you take care of The Model, and I’ve got Dynamite Kid!”  The Pope seems cool with this.

Dog the Bounty Hunter is in the crowd!

The Pope comes out for the main event.  Jay Lethal’s music plays, then they show him getting destroyed by Beer Money in the back.  Lethal makes a comeback, but Storm hits him in the head with a beer bottle.  Styles comes out and says it’s a handicap match, but Hulk Hogan appears and hits Desmond Wolfe with a chair on the ramp, leaving us with…

Non-Title: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair & Chelsea).  Pope jumps Styles on the ramp and beats him up on the outside.  I never heard a bell, but I guess it’s a match.  Styles drops Pope with a kick and beats him up.  Pope fights back and goes for the Elijah Express.  Flair gets out of his wheel chair and hits Pope with the belt to cause the DQ in about a minute.  Beer Money comes out to help AJ and Flair beat down The Pope.  Flair whips the Pope with a belt.  Hogan comes back out and stands on the ramp to close the show.

Typical TNA shenanigans aside, I enjoyed this more than I did the very mediocre Raw this week.

One Response to “TNA iMPACT! 4/12/10”

  1. […] ROH 4/6- WWE NXT 4/8- WWE Superstars 4/9- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 4/12- WWE Monday Night Raw / TNA iMPACT! / ROH 4/13- WWE NXT 4/15- WWE Superstars 4/16- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 4/18- TNA Lockdown 2010 […]

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