WWE Monday Night Raw 4/5/10

WWE open.  Justin Roberts introduces the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Swagger!  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.

The World Heavyweight Champion Champion Jack Swagger comes to the ring.  They show Swagger cashing in Money In The Bank and winning the title last week on Smackdown after Edge laid Jericho out.  Swagger says he cashed in on Jericho instead of John Cena because Jericho is superior to Cena.  Swagger says he’s going to Smackdown because no one on Raw compares to his abilities.  WWE Champion John Cena comes out.  He looks happy to actually be cheered tonight (for the most part).  He congratulates Swagger and calls him lucky.  He talks some more, insults Swagger, then challenges him to a match tonight.  Cena offers to put the WWE Title on the line.  Swagger says that doesn’t work for him.  Randy Orton comes out.  Orton says Swagger should face him, since Orton beat him last week.  The Unified Tag Team Champions Show Miz come out.  Miz does his usual babble about people stealing his spotlight.  Guest host David Otunga comes out and makes tonight’s matches: Orton vs. Swagger and Show Miz defending the tag titles against Batista & Cena.  Orton tries to RKO Cena, gets countered (or changes his mind), then RKO’s Swagger.  Cena tips his hat to Orton.  Fun opening segment.

Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus.  Kofi throws some kicks.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker, then puts the boots to Kofi.  Sheamus beats up Kofi some more.  Kofi catches him with a kick and hits a springboard cross body.  “Controlled frenzy!’  Kofi springs off of the ropes and hits a dropkick, then does his jump into the corner and punches.  Sheamus goes for his pump kick and its up just kneeing him, then hits the pump kick and the Razor’s Edge for the pin in 2:58.  It was pretty good for what it was: a 3 minute throwaway Raw match.  Sheamus gets his pipe that he used last week from under the ring and whacks Kofi in the back of the head with it.

Triple H is headed our way!  Sheamus doesn’t look pleased.

Slam of the Week: Sheamus whacked Triple H in the head with a pipe last week.

Sheamus cuts a promo in the ring.  He talks about Triple H and other people crying over Shawn Michaels’ retirement last week.  Triple H comes out and grabs his sledgehammer from under the ring.  He blocks Sheamus’ block and hits with the the sledgehammer.  Outside, Triple H swings for Sheamus again, but Sheamus moves and Triple H kills a monitor.  Sheamus runs away through the crowd.  Triple H says “Isn’t that like a silly Irishman?  Bring a pipe to a sledgehammer fight!”

A Divas Battle Royal is next!  Fuck.

WWE.com plug.

Cole and Lawler talk about the Sheamus/Triple H fight.  WWE Divas Champion Maryse has joined them at the table.

Justin Roberts announces this crap.  They’re dressed up and it’s for a title shot.

Red Carpet “Dress To Impress” Divas Battle Royal featuring Kelly Kelly, Alicia Fox, Gail Kim, Rosa Mendez, Jillian Hall, Katie Lea Burchill, The Bella Twins, and Eve Torres.  The Bellas dump Rosa.  Fox eliminates one of the Bellas.  The other is gone too somehow.  Kelly dropkicks Gail and Katie off the apron to eliminate both of them.  Kelly heads a spinning head scissors on Fox.  Jillian eliminates Kelly.  Fox and Hall work together against Eve.  Eve avoids Fox in the corner and eliminates her.  Fox tries to eliminate Eve because she’s a poor sport.  Eve kicks her away and low bridges Hall out of the ring to win it in 2:36.  Sucked, but it was short.

Still to come, Orton vs. Swagger and Miz Show vs. Cenatista!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

David Otunga’s NXT video package.

David Otunga is backstage with random hangers on.  He has his 427 green M&Ms.  Did he count them?  Santino Marella comes in.  He things the A-Team is there.  He’s mad when he find out Mr. T isn’t there.  Hornswoggle messes with the M&Ms.  Otunga’s goons run after Hornswoggle, with one of them jumping over the catering table.  Heh.

Show Miz are headed our way!  They’ll defend the titles against John Cena & Batista.

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz (c) vs. WWE Champion John Cena & Batista.  Batista wrings Miz’s arm, then takes him down and puts him in a rear chin lock.  Miz fights out.  Cena hits a drop toe hold and goes for the STF.  Miz scampers away.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Miz makes the tag to Show.  Show beats up Cena.  Miz tags in again.  Cena avoids him in the corner and goes to make the tag, but Batista drops off the apron and leaves.  Cena runs up the ramp and attacks Batista.  Show Miz wins by count-out in 2:26.  Cena realizes he screwed up.  David Otunga comes back out and says that later tonight, Show Miz will defend the titles against Cena and himself!  I like it.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Ted Dibiase Jr. comes out carrying the MILLION DOLLAR BELT!  They show what happened last Monday in the Legends Lumberjack Match, after which Dibiase Jr. shoved his dad.  Dibiase says last week was the first time his dad after acted like a father.  He talks about his dad not being there for his childhood.  He says his dad won him over through his trust fund and through giving him the Million Dollar Championship.

Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Christian.  Christian hits Dibiase with some slaps, then backdrops him.  Christian does his weird “stand on the guy on the middle rope” bit, throws Dibiase out of the ring, then hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Christian goes to the top rope and wipes out Dibiase with a dive to the outside.  Dibiase catches Christian coming back in with a neckbreaker, then beats him up.  Christian tries to make a comeback, but Dibiase cuts him off with a lariat for 2.  Christian makes his comeback and hits a diving cross body for 2.  They counter each other’s finish.  Christian schoolboys Dibiase for 2.  Dibiase avoids Christian’s tornado DDT, sends him into the post, and hits the Dream Street for the pin in 4:17.  Really good little TV match.

Still to come, Jack Swagger vs. Randy Orton!

The DRAFT will be on April 26!

Shawn Michaels retirement video package.

They show the Sheamus/Triple H fight from earlier.

Randy Orton is headed our way!  Earlier tonight, he did what he did earlier tonight!  He’ll face the World Heavyweight Champion Champion Jack Swagger NEXT!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger vs. Randy Orton.  Swagger goes on the attack early.  Orton responds with the Garvin Stomp and a knee drop for 2.  Swagger comes back and clotheslines Orton out of the ring.  Commercials!  Orton fights out of  a bear hug.  They fight outside a bit.  They come back in and Swagger shoulder blocks Orton off the apron and into the guardrail, then throws him into the steps.  Back inside, Swagger hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Swagger locks Orton in an abdominal stretch.  Orton escapes and hits the DDT OF MURDER!  Cover, but Swagger gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Orton hits the 3.0, goes into his mat pounding routine, and goes for the RKO.  Swagger counters and boots him in the face for 2.  Swagger hits the springboard Vader Bomb for 2.  Swagger hits it again, then goes for the Doctor Bomb.  Orton counters, hits the RKO, and pins the World Champion clean in 10:49.  Would it really have hurt to give Swagger a win here?  Good match, though.

Earlier tonight, the Tag title match and related shenanigans happened!  The other Tag title match is NXT!

Next week’s guest host will be David Hasselhoff!

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz (c) vs. WWE Champion John Cena & David Otunga.  Cena and Miz start again.  Otunga tags in and puts Miz in a side headlock.  Otunga works over Miz a bit.  Cena tags back in and works over Miz a bit more.  Cena hits a bulldog for… 0?  Show headbutts Cena from the apron.  Miz pounds Cena’s face.  Show tags in and continues the pounding.  Cena plays face in peril for a while.  Cena and Miz do a double clothesline spot.  Cena goes for the hot tag, but Otunga jumps off the apron.  That prick.  Show KO punches Cena (the camera missed it) for the pin in 5:57.  So in storyline, Otunga is a moron who’d give up the tag titles to be a prick.  Batista comes in and gives Cena the Batista Bomb.

Batista calls for a spotlight.  Otunga says Batista has an announcement to make.  As if we couldn’t guess.  Batista says he’s invoking his rematch for the title at Extreme Rules in a Last Man Standing Match.  Why not just take the belt right now since you laid the guy out and have the guest host in your back pocket?  For the record, I’m not bitching about the booking, just pointing out a logic gap.  Batista poses as the show closes.

Very good show this week.

One Response to “WWE Monday Night Raw 4/5/10”

  1. […] Night Raw / TNA iMPACT! 3/30- WWE NXT 4/1- WWE Superstars 4/2- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 4/5- WWE Monday Night Raw / TNA iMPACT! / ROH 4/6- WWE NXT 4/8- WWE Superstars 4/9- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 4/12- WWE […]

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