WWE Monday Night Raw 3/8/10

WWE open, cut straight to the arena.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are on commentary.

The Undertaker comes to the ring.  He talks about Shawn Michaels’ obsession with him.  Undertaker says at WrestleMania, Michaels’ career will “Rest… In…”  Michaels comes out.  Michaels says Undertaker fears him, and that’s why he appeared on the screen to distract Michaels and caused him to lose last week.  They go on, and agree to make the Mania match No DQ and No Count-Outs.  Undertaker says Shawn won’t be “Mr. WrestleMania” this year.  Shawn says he’ll end the streak.

Tonight, Legacy EXPLODES!  Plus, Mr. McMahon takes on John Cena!

Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, & Eve Torres vs. WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Alicia Fox, & Katie Lea Burchill.  Jobber entrance for the heel divas.  Gail and Alicia do stuff.  Gail clotheslines Katie Lea off of the apron.  Alicia decks Gail, rams her into Maryse’s boot, then tags in Maryse.  Maryse hits a backbreaker for 2.  Maryse decks Kelly, then taunts Maryse.  Maryse decks her and tags in Eve.  Eve hits a dropkick for 2, then hits her senton, but Katie and Alicia save.  Gail and Kelly dropkick them.  Eve locks Maryse in a flying cross armbreaker for the win in 3:02.  Whatever.

Triple H talks TONIGHT!  Plus, Criss Angel is the guest host!

The guest host, Criss Angel, talks to Hornswoggle.  The Bella Twins come in.  They want to be his assistants.  He says he doesn’t use twins.  Angel puts a string in his mouth, then pulls it out of his nose.  Gross.  Jillian Hall comes in and sings.  Angel makes her lose her voice.  THANK YOU!

Show Miz are headed our way!  They’re going to face their WrestleMania opponents NEXT!  Yes, they’re giving away a match on free TV that you’re supposed to want to pay money for.

Slam of the Week: Last week on Smackdown, John Morrison & R-Truth won a #1 Contenders Match for the Tag titles at WrestleMania.

ShowMiz comes out.  Miz cuts a promo, saying Morrison and Truth don’t deserve to face them at WrestleMania.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. John Morrison & R-Truth.  Miz and Truth start.  Morrison slides across the ring and kicks Show.  They clothesline Miz out of the ring and hit a double baseball slide dropkick.  The referee throws it out at the 35 second mark.  Show goes after them, but they drop him with a double DDT, then front suplex Miz across the barricade.  Morrison talks, then Truth says “That’s what’s up!”

Legacy explodes TONIGHT!  Plus, McMahon vs. Cena.  We’ll hear from Cena NEXT!

WrestleMania is 20 days away!

Cena/Batista video package.

Josh Matthews interviews John Cena.  He says he can’t beat Batista, so he’s going to beat him.  Okay.  Cena says he’s counting on Batista interfering tonight.

Evan Bourne thanks Criss Angel for giving him a Money In The Bank Qualifying Match against William Regal.  Skip Sheffield and William Regal come in.  Regal tells Bourne he’ll see him in the ring.  Sheffield wants Angel to do a magic trick.  He tells Regal to write a number down and hold it against his chest.  He “reads Regal’s mind” to figure out the number.  Sheffield says Regal owes him a Travis Tritt CD.

Legacy dissension video package.

Handicap Match: Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Randy Orton.  Orton jumps them from behind during their entrance.  Commercials, then the match starts.  Orton and Rhodes fight.  Rhodes gets beaten up and tags in Dibiase.  Dibiase gets beat up and tags Rhodes back in.  Dibiase gets a cheap shot in and they beat up Orton.  Orton backdrops Rhodes out of the ring.  Dibiase tries to get Orton from behind, but gets caught and bails.  Commercials.  Orton keeps beating them both up.  Dibiase pulls Orton out of the ring and dropkicks him.  Back in the ring, Orton gets beaten up.  Orton makes his comeback, snap powerslamming both of them.  3.0 on Dibiase.  Orton looks up at the WrestleMania sign, then does the “stalking fore the RKO bit.”  Rhodes tries to get him in a hold, but fails.  Dibiase hits the Dream Street on Orton for the pin in about 11 minutes.  It was fine, I guess.  I have to be honest, I flipped the iMPACT! just for a second a few times to see what was going on.  Man, I feel like I’ve been transported back to 1997.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes on Orton, then he and Dibiase do Orton’s pose.  It’s a new day indeed.

Batista watches TV backstage.  Josh Matthews comes in to interview him.  Batista gives his word as WWE Champion that he won’t interfere in the match tonight.  He’s dressed to wrestle, but he randomly is a lot of the time.  And he has a nose ring now.  Gay.

Triple H is headed our way!

Stone Cold Steve Austin will be the guest host next week!

WWE.com hype.

Triple H comes out.  They show Sheamus attacking him last week.  Triple H says he kind of respects what Sheamus did last week.  Sheamus comes out.  Sheamus challenges him to a match at WrestleMania.  Without mentioning names, Triple H talks about getting squashed by the Ultimate Warrior at WrestleMania XII.  He talks about rising to the top and becoming the guy people tried to make their name against at WrestleMania.  Some succeeded, more failed.  I’m not sure if that’s accurate.  They fight.  Triple H clotheslines Sheamus out of the ring.  Sheamus pulls him out and kicks his ass.  Triple H avoids the pump kick and clotheslines him over the barricade into the timekeeper’s position.  Sheamus tries to get away, but Triple H jumps him from behind.  Sheamus rallies, rams Triple H into the announce table, and throws him in the ring.  Triple H hits the spinebuster.  Sheamus bails.  I guess it’s official.

Santino Marella talks to Criss Angel.  Santino says funny things and does the disappearing thumb thing.  Angel does a magic trick involving styrofoam cups and a sushi knife.

Justin Roberts introduces the Money In The Bank Qualifying Match.  Christian (w/ Heath Slater) has joined the commentary team for this match.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Evan Bourne vs. William Regal (w/ Skip Sheffield).  Regal kicks Bourne’s ass, and it’s good.  Bourne responds with kicks.  Regal murders him with a forearm.  Regal hits some suplex for 2.  Regal hits an Exploder, makes sure Sheffield is watching, and goes for the knee trembler.  Bourne knees him in the face and hits the Shooting Star press for the pin in 1:28.  Bourne is going to WrestleMania!  Christian says he’ll win Money In The Bank this year.

Cena vs. Vince TONIGHT!

Undertaker/Michaels video package.

WrestleMania Recall: Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg with Stone Cold Steve Austin as the referee at WrestleMania XX.  Man, that match was a fucking abortion.  Stone Cold guest hosts next week!

Cole and Lawler hype the Mania card.

“Last Monday” video with Vince and Bret Hart.

Vince McMahon is headed our way!  He looks small.

Next week is WrestleMania Rewind week, including John Cena vs. Big Show, Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho, and Triple H vs. Randy Orton, PLUS Bret and Vince sign the contract for WrestleMania.

Justin Roberts introduces Criss Angel.  He talks a bit, then does intros for the main event.  Vince cuts a promo on Bret Hart before the match, then makes the match a Handicap Gauntlet Match…

Handicap Gauntlet Match: John Cena vs. Vince McMahon & others.  Vladimir Kozlov beats up Cena, then tags in Vince.  Vince covers Cena for 2.  McMahon calls Drew McIntyre out.  McIntyre beats up Cena, then tags in Vince again.  Vince again covers for 2.  Vince calls in Jack Swagger.  I’m having to go back and add these names.  Commercials.  Cena is making a comeback.  He goes for the Attitude Adjustment on Swagger, but Swagger counters with an amateur hold.  Now it’s just Swagger and McMahon.  I’m confused.  Swagger hits 2 Vader Bombs and tags in McMahon.  Vince still can’t put Cena away.  He calls out Mark Henry.  Henry reluctantly hits the World’s Strongest Slam and tags in Vince.  Vince still can’t pin Cena.  Vince grabs the ring bell and makes the match No DQ.  Henry doesn’t want to let him use it.  Vince orders Henry to use it.  Batista appears and spears Mark Henry, then kicks him out of the ring.  Kofi Kingston hits the ring and runs wild on Batista.  Batista powerbombs Kingston out of the corner.  Cena cleans house on Batista, then turns his attention to Vince.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Batista spears Cena again.  Batista hits the Batista Bomb.  Vince finally pins Cena in 11:19 or so (no bell).  What a Russo-riffic clusterfuck.  Batista stands over Cena and yells to close the show.

Man, THIS is the show they put against Impact?  They have even less faith in TNA’s ability to draw viewers than I do.

One Response to “WWE Monday Night Raw 3/8/10”

  1. […] Night Raw 3/2- WWE NXT 3/4- WWE Superstars / TNA iMPACT! 3/5- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/8- WWE Monday Night Raw / TNA iMPACT! / ROH 3/9- WWE NXT 3/11- WWE Superstars 3/12- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/15- WWE […]

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