TNA iMPACT! 2/11/10

TNA Wrestling… Cross The Line!  “Last week on Impact…” video.  iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo, Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts.

Hulk Hogan comes to the ring and cuts an “old guy who’s out of touch and full of shit” promo.  He goes on to say he’s put the iMPACT! Zone under lockdown so Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac can’t get in, and if they do get in, he’ll “put on the red and yellow” and wrestle.  PLEASE, PLEASE, Hall and Pac, stay away.  Eric Young comes out.  Crowd chants “over rated.”  Really?  Young says he and Kevin Nash are friends, and he wants Hogan to let Hall and Pac in so they can get what’s coming to them.  Hogan says some shit about how experienced he is and says he’s not letting The Band in.  Young says if Hulk won’t let them in, he’ll “do what Kevin would do” and go to them.  Hogan tells Young to take them off the property and “bust ’em up real bad.”  They shake hands.  Poor EY is going to get killed.

Mick Foley is looking for Eric Bischoff.

Hall and Syxx-Pac are slinking around outside, looking for a way in.

8 Card Stud Tournament Qualifying Match: Orlando Jordan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  They lock up, into the corner, lock up again.  Dinero with some arm drags and Bionic Elbows.  Jordan gets the advantage and hits a nice spinning neckbreaker.  “POPE IS PIMPIN’!” chants.  Jordan with a backbreaker.  “YOU STILL SUCK!” chants.  Pope makes his comeback and hits the Coronation for 2.  That move isn’t worthy of a 2 count.  Jordan hits a spinebuster for 2.  Pope lands a big punch, then hits the Elijah Express for the pin in 4:50.  It was okay.

Jeff Jarrett comes in to talk to Eric Bischoff.  He says he hopes he delivered 2 weeks ago.  Bischoff says a bunch of bullshit about how great he was and how he miscalculated Jarrett’s worth.  Jarrett wants a spot in the tournament.  Bischoff says Jarrett isn’t “ready” and it wouldn’t be starting at the bottom of the ladder.

8 Card Stud Qualifying Match: Suicide vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Matt Morgan.  Suicide is abusive and elusive in the beginning, but Morgan catches him with a fall away slam.  Revolving elbows in the corner, sandwich in the corner, sidewalk drop (no slam, just a drop), headbutt, general ass kicking.  Suicide rallies and hits a missile dropkick for 1.  Suicide hammers on Morgan, counters a chokeslam, dropkicks Morgan, then eats the Carbon Footprint.  Morgan gets the pin in 2:30.  Alrighty then.

Mick Foley goes into Bischoff’s office and kisses up to him.  He says he’ll get on board for the sake of Abyss and Jeremy Borash.  Bischoff agrees and books Abyss vs. Mick Foley in the first round of the 8 Card Stud Tournament at Against All Odds.  Bischoff tells Foley to change his look, and says he’ll make Abyss take his mask off if there are any “shenanigans” in their match.

We’ve got the brackets for the tournament now.  First round will see Pope vs. Wolfe, Hernandez vs. Morgan, Angle vs. Anderson, and Foley vs. Abyss.

Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle and Mr. Anderson, who will face off at the PPV, but will be partners tonight.  Guys that don’t like each other tagging together!  Such whackiness!  Anderson has a falling mic in wherever they are backstage now.  Whacky, I tell you!

Kurt Angle tells Eric Young not to go after Hall and Pac because they can’t trust Hogan.  Angle says he’ll handle it himself.  Young punches the locker like a moody teenager.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Doug Williams (c) vs. Amazing Red.  This is Red’s rematch, having lost via Feast Or Fired 2 weeks ago.  Red rocks Williams with an enzugiri, jumps on him like a spider monkey, hits some fast kicks to send Williams out of the ring.  Williams avoids a dive.  Pinfall reversal sequence back inside.  Williams plants Red into the mat thrice in a neat spot.  Yeah, I just used the word “thrice.”  Williams grounds Red with a figure-four head scissors, humps his head into the mat, then covers for 2.  Williams hits a knee drop for 2.  Williams goes up top, but Red connects with a spin kick that sends him to the floor, then takes him out with an awesome corkscrew dive.  “THAT WAS AMAZING!” chant.  Red with a missile dropkick for 2.  Red with a dropkick and a spin kick for 2.  Nifty counter sequences ends with Red getting a near fall off of a cradle.  Red drops him with a kick and goes up top.  Williams avoids the move, avoid a charging Red and sends him into the corner.  Williams hits the Chaos Theory for the pin in 4:49.  Awesome little TV match.

The Beautiful People are headed our way!

Tara/Angelina Love/Beautiful People video package.

Christy interviews Tara and Angelina Love.  Former foes united against a common enemy!

Handicap Match: The Beautiful People vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara & Angelina Love.  So Cal Val is skeeved out by Poison.  Tara and Sky start, but Tara tags in Love before contact is made.  Sky runs away and Love gives chase.  Love decks Lacey Von Erich.  The distraction lets Sky jump her for the advantage.  Sky chokes Love with her own hair.  As soon as Love gives the hint of making a comeback, Sky tags out.  Love drags Rayne into the ring and tags in Tara.  Tara schools Rayne.  Sweet suplex into a Beast choker by Tara.  Rayne bails from the ass kicking.  Love and Tara with a double baseball slide dropkick to the 3 Beautiful People.  Insta-commercials.  Lacey trips up Tara to let Rayne get the advantage.  Sky tags in and works Tara’s hair.  Lacey tags in and does a very strange moonsault elbow drop.  Beauties continue to work over Tara.  Double clothesline spot with Tara and Rayne.  Tags to Sky and Love.  Love runs wild on all three.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Love hits a pump kick on Sky.  The referee is distracted.  Lacey hits Love with the ugly stick.  Sky pins Love (5:30).  It was hot chicks wrestling somewhat poorly.  Lacey hits Tara with the ugly stick afterwards.  Beautiful People stand tall.

Christy interviews Desmond Wolfe.  He quotes Forrest Gump in one sentence and uses the word “bollocks” in the next.  He address “Kurt Mangles,” “Super Maxi Pad,” and “some big mouth…”  Funny stuff.  He uses one of his awesome ROH promos, but with the word “end” in place of “kill.”

Hall and Pac are lurking around the parking lot.

TNA World Tag Team Champion Hernandez & Desmond Wolfe vs. Kurt Angle & Ken Anderson.  This is what they would call a “Parajes Incredibles” match in Mexico.  I love that term.  Spanish phrases are so cool.  Hernandez and Anderson start.  Anderson kicks at Hernandez’s legs.  Hernandez drops him with a body block.  Stinger Splash, t-shirt snapmare.  Anderson escapes the Border Toss and tags in Angle.  TNA has tag ropes now.  Is that new?  First time I’ve noticed it.  Angle and Hernandez trade hammerlocks.  Angle gets a rope break.  Wolfe gets a cheap shot.  Hernandez yells at him.  Wolfe tags himself in and goes to work on Angle.  These two always rule it together.  Wolfe works Angle’s arm.  We’ve seen that several times, but it’s still crazy awesome.  Angle hits a German suplex.  Wolfe tags out.  Hernandez comes in with a shoulder block to Angle.  Hernandez hits a Canadian backbreaker for 2.  Wolfe tags in.  Angle hammers him.  Wolfe with a knee to the gut.  Annoying alternating chants.  Wolfe with more awesome arm work.  Angle locks in the ankle lock.  His partner, Anderson, distracts the ref so he doesn’t see Wolfe tap.  Wolfe escapes and tags in Hernandez.  Angle and Hernandez go at it.  Hernandez goes up top, but Angle brings him down with the avalanche-style arm drag, which is awesome.  Angle goes to tag out, but Anderson short arms him.  Angle runs wild on Wolfe, decks Anderson off the apron, clotheslines Hernandez out of the ring.  Wolfe hits the Divorce Court (I think) for 2.  Awesome move.  Wolfe goes for the Tower of London, but Angle counters into the Angle Slam.  Anderson tags himself in, throws Angle out of the ring, and gets the pin on Wolfe in 6:12.  Really fun match.

Samoa Joe is headed our way!

Samoa Joe comes out and calls out AJ Styles.  The TNA World Heavyweight Champion comes out, suited up and with Ric Flair in tow.  They banter, with Joe playing indignant babyface and Styles playing the arrogant heel.  AJ: “What about you, Joe?  You’ve turned more coats than the dry cleaners!”  Valid point.  Eventually, Styles comes into the ring and they fight.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster, but Flair hits him in the balls.  Beat down ensues.  The referees fail to break it up.  Flair yells at the red headed ref and Joe.  He and Styles leave as the refs and security check on Joe.

AJ Styles is confronted by Eric Bischoff as he’s leaving the building.  Styles brags about what he did.  Bischoff tells him that he will be the guest referee for the World Title match at Against All Odds.  Styles calls Flair to tell him they’ve got a problem.

Geeze, this show isn’t over yet?  Tenay and Taz pimp the PPV lineup.

Kurt Angle is headed outside.  Hulk Hogan stops him.  They talk.  Hogan tells him to go to the ring, so maybe when The Band is beating him down, somebody will make the save.

Kurt Angle is in the ring.  He calls out Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac.  They come in through the crowd.  Pac hits the ring first and Angle kicks his ass.  Angle decks Hall too.  Angle puts Hall in the ankle lock.  Pac hits Angle brass knuckles.  Again and again.  Hall hits Angle with knuckles too.  Hulk Hogan comes out, making his full entrance.  He teases joining in on the beatdown, but decks Hall and Pac with the knuckles.  Angle starts to get up… and my video just ends.  The fuck?  I’m assuming that was the end, my video just ended a few seconds early.

You know, this was ALMOST a very decent Impact, and it would have been, had it ended on the logical closure point (Styles and Flair beating down Joe).  But the show just kept going and going.  I really don’t give a fuck about this Hogan/Angle/Band deal.  Oh well, see you at the PPV!

One Response to “TNA iMPACT! 2/11/10”

  1. […] 2/7- Florida Championship Wrestling 2/8- WWE Monday Night Raw 2/9- WWE ECW 2/11- WWE Superstars / TNA iMPACT! 2/12- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 2/14- TNA Against All Odds 2010 2/15- WWE Monday Night Raw 2/16- […]

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