WWE Superstars 3/17/11
WWE open, Superstars open, pyro and ballyhoo. Jack Korpela and Matt Striker are the first announcers. Tony Chimel is the first ring announcer.
JTG vs. Tyler Reks. They lock up. Reks shoves JTG around. JTG throws some punches. Reks charges him in the corner and misses. JTG lands a dropkick. Reks clings to the ropes for safety. Reks comes back and throws JTG out of the ring, then puts a hurting on him on the outside. Back inside, Reks hits a backbreaker for 2. JTG tries to fight back. Reks hits a Final Cut for 2. JTG avoids Reks in the corner again and gets a schoolboy for 2. Reks holds onto the ropes to avoid a reverse cradle. JTG gets it on the second try to for 2. JTG low bridges Reks out of the ring and hits a diving shoulder block off the apron. Back inside, JTG plants Reks with a DDT for 2. JTG comes off the top rope, but Reks ducks him and kicks him in the gut. Reks his his Burning Hammer for the pin in 5:48. They tried, but I couldn’t get into it.
Tonight, Raw replays featuring Snooki.
WWE.com plug.
From Raw: Vickie Guerrero beat Trish Stratus after Dolph Ziggler, John Morrison, and LayCool got involved. A brawl with Snooki happened and they booked a 6-person tag for Mania.
Santino & Kozlov in action next.
Scott Stanford and Josh Matthews are now the announcers. Justin Roberts is now the ring announcer.
Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso. Ugh. Santino has a new singlet. I notice things like that. The announcers don’t know the trick to telling the Usos apart. Santino and Jey do some shit. For what it’s worth, Jey is the one with the cross tattoo on his right arm. Usos make quick tags and work over Santino. Usos pull the switcheroo, but it doesn’t work. Santino continues playing face in peril. Kozlov gets the hot tag and runs wild. Powerslam on Jey. Jimmy saves. Clusterfuck ensues. Santino back body drops Jimmy on the floor. Kozlov boots Jey and tags out. Santino hits the Cobra on Jey for the pin in 4:24. There ya go.
8-woman tag match tonight. Ugh.
Raw Rebound.
WrestleMania hype.
Divas tag match next. Ugh.
Melina, Alicia Fox, & The Bella Twins vs. WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres, Natalya, Gail Kim, & Tamina. Tamina beats up one of the Bellas. Fox beats up Tamina. Tamina beats up Fox. Fox beats up Gail. Gail hits a dropkick and a clothesline for 2. Natalya tags in. She and Gail give Fox a double suplex. Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter, but Fox makes it to the ropes before she can. One of the Bellas tags in. Natalya schoolgirls her for 2. The other Bella distracts Natalya to let the legal Bella get the advantage. The heel divas cut Natalya off and get the heat on her. Insta-commercials. Natalya continues to play face in peril. Natalya gets a cradle on Melina for 1. Melina applies a rear chin lock while chewing on her hair. Natalya escapes and goes for an enzuigiri. Melina ducks. One of the Bellas pulls Eve off the apron. Tamina drops both of the Bellas at ringside. Natalya clotheslines Melina and makes the tag to Eve. Natalya slams Melina. Eve’s first act of the match is to hit a moonsault press on Melina for the pin (5:55 shown). At least it’s over. Face divas celebrate.
I was not into this show at all. Not only was it not good, but I was also not in the right state of mind to get through this in a good humor.
WWE Superstars 3/10/11
WWE open, Superstars open. Jack Korpela and Matt Striker are the first announcers. Justin Roberts is the ring announcer. They promise more Raw replays.
Chris Masters vs. Tyler Reks. This is coming off of Reks’ attack on Masters last week after Masters beat Curt Hawkins. Masters has 2 straight wins over Reks. Masters kicks ass and goes for the Master Lock. Reks escapes from the ring. They brawl back in the ring. Reks gets the advantage and puts a beating on Masters. Reks hits a short lariat for 2, then applies a neck and shoulder hold. Reks whips Masters down and continues the vicious attack. Masters comes back with a diving shoulder block, then clotheslines Reks out of the ring again. They brawl outside. Reks sends Masters face first into the post, then hits a Final Cut. Insta-commercials. Reks has Masters in a half crab. Masters gets a rope break. Reks hits a backbreaker for 2. Reks keeps the heat doing. Masters gets a backslide for 1, then counters Reks and hits a Samoan Drop. Masters makes his comeback. Sky High gets 2. D’Lo Brown represent! Reks hits a Complete Shot for 2. Reks goes for the Burning Hammer. Masters escapes and locks in the Master Lock for the referee stop (7:21 shown). Good little match. It’s a shame that Masters finally becomes a good wrestler and he’s relegated to Superstars.
Up next, Raw replays!
WWE bullshit fact of the night.
Scott Stanford and Josh Matthews are now the announcers.
From Raw: Michael Cole introduced John Bradshaw Layfield as his chosen referee from WrestleMania, but Stone Cold Steve Austin intervened and signed on for the job.
Tonight, Khali, Henry, & Natalya vs. Regal, Kidd, & Melina! That’s quite the mess.
Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Santino Marella & Tamina) vs. Zack Ryder (w/ Primo). Ryder hides in the ropes. Kozlov throws him around. Kozlov gets a leg lock. Ryder gets the ropes. Ryder grabs a headlock. Kozlov catches a cross body and hits a fall away slam. Ryder rolls to the floor. Kozlov throws him back in. Ryder gets the jump on Kozlov coming back in. For a second. Kozlov does the battering ram headbutts and a judo throw, and continues to smash Ryder. Primo gets on the apron. Santino pulls him off. Ryder hits the Rough Ryder for the pin in 3:00. There ya go.
From Raw: Shawn Michaels speaking on the Triple H/Undertaker WrestleMania match.
Still to come, MORE Raw replays!
From Raw: The Rock/John Cena/The Miz shit talking.
Main event is NEXT!
Great Khali, Mark Henry, & Natalya vs. William Regal, Tyson Kidd, & Melina. Natalya and Melina do some stuff. It breaks out into a cat fight. Kidd tags in and tells Natalya to get out. Natalya tags in Henry. Kidd slaps him, runs away, and tags in Regal. Henry smashes Regal and tags in Khali. Regal takes Khali down to a knee. Kidd tags himself in and slaps Khali. Khali no sells it. Kidd tries to tag out, but neither Regal nor Melina are interested. Kidd tries to make friends. Khali delivers the crown chop and the tree slam for the pin in 3:09. At least that’s over. Or not. Henry splashes Kidd. Natalya puts him in the Sharpshooter. Regal just stands back and watches. The faces celebrate. Regal puts Kidd in the Regal Stretch. Melina slaps him. Haha, man, they buried Tyson under the earth here.
Aside from the opener, a very mediocre show.
WWE Monday Night Raw 2/28/11
WWE open. Josh Matthews and Jerry Lawler are the announcers. Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.
Triple H comes out to the ring. Ugh. He talks about the Undertaker for a while. He says the only thing he hasn’t done is end the streak. He says “there can be only one,” so I assume he’s going to try to behead Taker with a sword at WrestleMania. He promises to end the streak or die trying. Sheamus comes out. Triple H immediately decks him, throws him out of the ring, into the barricade, and beats the shit out of him. Triple H Pedigrees Sheamus through the announce table, so I guess that concludes the whole “Sheamus put Triple H out of action for nearly a year” feud.
Tonight, Shawn Michaels speaks on Triple H/Undertaker! Michael Cole answers Lawler’s WrestleMania challenge! The Rock appears via satellite! Commercials.
WWE.com plug.
Moments ago, ^^ happened.
Sheamus is being helped out by referees. The iBooker dings in. Lawler finally gets his chance to read its decree, which is that Sheamus still has a match tonight. His opponent is the returning Evan Bourne!
Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne. Bourne dropkicks Sheamus and puts the boots to him in the corner. Sheamus tries to fight back, but Bourne drops him with a kick and hits the Shooting Star press for the pin in 36 seconds. Bourne is BACK! Michael Cole comes out. Commercials.
WWE Rewind: Jerry Lawler’s challenge to Michael Cole last week.
Michael Cole calls Jerry Lawler into the ring, reminding Lawler that he’ll be fired if he gives Cole the ass whooping he so desperately needs. He says he’ll face Lawler at WrestleMania if his trainer can be in his corner and if he gets to choose the referee. Lawler happily agrees. Cole spazzes out, then introduces his trainer: Jack Swagger. Cole shoves and slaps Lawler, now that he has someone to hide behind. Swagger locks Lawler in the ankle lock.
Tonight, The Rock via satellite!
Randy Orton is headed our way! Commercials.
WWE bullshit fact of the night.
Stone Cold Steve Austin will be here next week!
Cole takes Lawler’s place on commentary. Ugh. They replay the cowardly attack on from moments ago.
Randy Orton comes out. He says his only regret is that he didn’t kick Punk harder in the head. He promises to snap his neck next time. The New Nexus come out. Punk apparently plans to murder Orton. Nexus head to the ring. iBooker dings in. Cole delegates that duty to Matthews, who books Orton vs. Punk for WrestleMania. Orton will face members of The New Nexus over the next few weeks. The members that Orton beats will be banned from ringside. Other Nexus members will be banned from ringside during these matches, on pain of being disbanded.
Randy Orton vs. Michael McGillicutty. They lock up. McGillicutty backs Orton into the corner and beats on him. Orton retaliates in kind. McGillicutty avoids a knee drop. Orton clotheslines him to the floor. Commercials. Orton beats up McGillicutty. McGillicutty lands a dropkick for 2. McGillicutty beats on Orton for a bit. Orton makes his comeback with the powerslam, the 3.0, and the DDT OF MURDER. Orton humps the mat and hits the RKO for the pin in 7:17. They spent more time at commercials than on the match. Orton sets him up for the punt of doom. Punk tells him not to. Orton does it anyway, but it doesn’t look like he made contact. Orton runs out through the crowd to escape retribution from the New Nexus.
Sin Cara, the former Mistico, is coming to WWE!
WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are headed our way. Commercials.
Slam of the Week: The Miz turning on John Cena and causing them to lose the WWE Tag Team Championship to The Corre last week.
WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out. Miz cuts a promo on John Cena and The Rock. He says he’ll beat Cena and The Rock on the same night at WrestleMania. John Cena comes out and makes some really stupid jokes about Miz being OCD. Riley makes some toilet jokes. Cena says Riley is the reason nobody takes Miz seriously, and Miz should fire him. Miz doesn’t buy it, so Cena makes gay jokes. Cena wants a match with Riley tonight, with Riley no longer being Miz’s bitch boy if he loses. Miz agrees, with the stipulation that Cena has to admit Miz is the greatest superstar of all time if he loses. iBooker dings in and Cole announcers that it’s an escape only Steel Cage Match.
Tonight, The Rock. Commercials.
Tonight, Shawn Michaels speaks on Undertaker/Triple H!
WWE Divas Champions Eve Torres has joined the commentary team for a horrible Battle Royal.
Battle Royal to determine the #1 Contender for the WWE Divas Championship featuring Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Natalya, Gail Kim, Tamina, Maryse, Alicia Fox, and Melina. Natalya immediately dumps one of the Bellas. Fox and Tamina get eliminated in quick succession. Melina and Natalya fight on the apron. Maryse sends them both to the floor. Gail hits the Regal Cutter on the remaining Bella. Maryse drops Gail, then poses and goes for the DDT. Gail counters and throws her out. Gail throws out the Bella while the referee is out. The other Bella sneaks in and throws Gail out for the win in 2:03. Bellas beat up Eve after the match. There ya go.
Buffalo!
The Rock on video next! Commercials.
Last week, Cena rapped on The Rock!
The Rock appears appears live via satellite in his belt room and makes fun of John Cena, then bitches about Cena rapping at him. He talks about loving WWE. He claims he went Hollywood to open those doors for WWE. He goes on for a while about whatever and calls Cena a “yabba dabba bitch.” That took long enough.
Tonight, Cena vs. Riley in a cage. Next, Shawn Michaels speaks on Undertaker/Triple H. Commercials.
WWE bullshit fact of the night.
Shawn Michaels talks about the Undertaker/Triple H WrestleMania match.
WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan comes out. The Miz appears and jumps him in the aisle, just because he’s an asshole. Miz beats the hell out of Bryan and gives him the Skull Crushing Finale on the floor. Well, thanks for ruining the first thing on this show that got me excited. Miz says he did that because it’s the Miz Show (and because he’s a cocksucker is implied). The cage match is next. Commercials.
Stone Cold! Next week!
The Miz has joined Cole and Matthews for commentary, presumably so Cole can suck his cock during the match.
Steel Cage Match: Alex Riley vs. John Cena. Riley immediately tries to escape. Cena kicks his ass for a while. Cena goes to leave the cage, but Miz runs over to hold the door closed, then slams it into Cena. Riley beats on Cena. Miz takes a picture of Cena’s face being ground into the cage with his phone. He hands Riley his Blackberry and Riley hits Cena with it. Why? Cole is obnoxious. Riley tries to leave the cage. Cena grabs his leg. Miz tries to pull Riley out the door, so they’re essentially playing tug of war. Cena wins and locks in the STF. Riley taps, but it’s escape only, so the referee in the cage is pretty pointless. Cena tries to go over the top of the cage. Miz holds him at bay with a steel chair. Riley finally wakes up and cuts Cena off. Commercials. Now? Really? They’re 2 minutes into the overrun. Riley hits a dropkick on Cena. Cena avoids a second dropkick and makes his comeback. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment. Riley grabs on and tries to climb out of the cage. They fight on the top rope. Riley sends Cena into the cage and falling to the floor. Instead of easily escaping, Riley fucks around too long. Cena climbs up and brings him down. They fight on the top rope again. Cena hits a bulldog off the top rope. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then takes a picture of Riley with Miz’s phone. Miz tries to stop Cena from leaving the cage. Cena uses his retard strength to open the door and wins it in 12:44. Miz immediately hits Cena with the Skull Crushing Finale, but he’s lost his manservant.
Pretty lame show.
WWE Monday Night Raw 2/14/11
WWE open, pyro and ballyhoo. We are LIVE from Anaheim, California! Tonight, we’ll find out who’s going to host WrestleMania XXVII! Randy Orton vs. Sheamus! John Morrison vs. R-Truth! John Cena vs. CM Punk, there must be a winner! Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers. Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.
John Cena comes out and talks for a while about who might be the WrestleMania host, then makes fun of Michael Cole. He starts to talk about The Nexus, but CM Punk comes out to interrupt. They banter, and now it’s match time.
John Cena vs. CM Punk. Cena wins the lock up and peppers Punk with body shots. Cena charges the corner, but Punk avoids it and Cena hits the turnbuckles, then rolls out of the ring. Punk hits a diving lariat off the apron. Commercials. Punk knees Cena in the face for 2. Punk hits a snap suplex for 2. Punk boots Cena and gets a jackknife hold for 2. Punk applies a body scissors. Cena fights out and goes for the STF, but Punk gets the ropes. Punk puts a beating on Cena. Cena makes his comeback. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk counters and hits a dropkick for 2. Punk applies a headscissors. Cena escapes and hits a gutwrench suplex for 2. Cena goes up top, but Punk drops him with a kick. Punk hits the running knee. Cena counters the bulldog, hit a drop toe hold, and goes for the STF. Punk counters and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep. Cena counters into a schoolboy for 2. Punk drops Cena with a high kick for 2. Punk goes for a cross body. Cena catches him and goes for the Attitude Adjustment. Punk fights it and ends up taking a bump out of the ring. A Nexus member hands Punk a chair from under the ring. Punk throws the chair in the ring and the referee turns to get rid of it. The Nexus member hands Punk a wrench, with which he hits Cena in the face. Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 10:37. Pretty good match.
Cole explains that Jerry Lawler isn’t here because his mother passed away. Our best to the King.
Who’s the host going to be? Commercials!
Slam of the Week: Alberto Del Rio’s attack on Edge’s arm 2 weeks ago.
Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio cuts his usual promo about destiny. World Heavyweight Champion Edge interrupts. He talks for a bit, then kicks Del Rio’s ass. He goes for the spear, but Ricardo distracts him and gets decked. Edge bumps Del Rio off the apron into the barricade. Vickie Guerrero comes out and screeches. She introduces Dolph Ziggler as the new World Heavyweight Champion, presumably since Edge used the dreaded illegal running hug of doom on Smackdown. She says Ziggler will be coronated on Smackdown. This is fucking stupid. She says he has proof that Edge took out Teddy Long, then cackles. Again, this is fucking stupid.
Eve vs. Natalya is next. Commercials.
Tonight, WrestleMania host. Plus, The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan. I’m so pissed at the stupidity in the last segment that I’m not even excited.
The Divas title match is a lumberjill match for some reason. The Bella Twins, Tamina, Gail Kim, Maryse, Melina, and Alicia Fox are at ringside.
Lumberjill Match for the WWE Divas Championship: Eve Torres (c) vs. Natalya. They lock up and do a bit of chain wrestling. They both throw dropkicks, then slap hands and do some more stuff. Natalya rocks a surfboard. Eve manages to turn it into a cradle for 2. Natalya grabs a headlock. Eve hits a flip splash for 2. Natalya hits a discus lariat. Eve throws Natalya out of the ring. The Bellas attack her. Fight breaks out with all the women at ringside. Eve hits a cross body into a pile of them. Maryse looks hurt. Cole is laughing. Back inside, Eve and Natalya conk heads. Natalya goes for a la magistral, but Eve counters and gets the pin in 3:37. They tried, but this sucked. They shake hands. Commercials.
WWE bullshit fact of the night.
Rev Theory is in the front row.
The Bella Twins talk shit to Eve backstage, the jump her. Gail Kim and Natalya make the save. Referees try to break it up.
Chaperone trailer. Ugh.
Mark Henry comes out. Sheamus jumps him in the aisle and drops him with the brogue kick. Sheamus says that’s a message for the “fellas” in the Elimination Chamber. Henry makes it up and Sheamus gives him another brogue kick.
WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are headed our way. Miz shoves down some geek backstage. Commercials.
WWE Rewind: The Miz & Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Jerry Lawler & Daniel Bryan from last week.
Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan. Riley joins Cole and Matthews for commentary. They lock up. Miz gets the obligatory headlock and shoulder block, then talks shit. They lock up again. Bryan hits some arm drags and the leap frog, drop down, dropkick. Miz boots Bryan in the face and puts the boots to him. Miz applies a camel clutch. Bryan fights out and locks in a rear naked choke. Miz gets the ropes. Bryan kicks the crap out of him. Miz hits an elbow smash for 2. Miz applies a rear chin lock. Bryan fights out. They trade punches. Cole ridiculously compares Miz to the Crusher. Bryan gets rolling. A dropkick to the corner gets 2. Bryan back body drops Miz to the floor and goes for a dive. Miz avoids it. Bryan hits a flying knee off the apron. Back inside, Bryan goes up top and hits a missile dropkick for 2. Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock, but Miz is in the ropes. Miz connects with a knee lift and a neckbreaker on the apron! Commercials. Miz goes for a superplex, but Bryan counters and hits a sunset flip powerbomb for 2. Bryan lands some vicious kicks. Miz gets a schoolboy for 2. Miz gets an inside cradle for 2. Miz hits the backbreaker and goes for the neckbreaker, but Bryan counters into a German suplex. Bryan lands a head kick for 2. Miz counters the LeBell Lock and eats an elbow. Bryan goes for something, but Miz faceplants him. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 11:57. Awesome match. My mood has improved. Miz cuts a promo after the match.
Who will host Mania?! Commercials.
WWE.com plug.
David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty of the New Nexus (w/ Mason Ryan) vs. John Morrison & R-Truth. This was supposed to be Morrison vs. Truth, but iBooker changed it. Truth jumps around with McGillicutty. Ryan trips Truth. McGillicutty sends Truth outside. Ryan gets in his cheap shot. McGillicutty rams Truth’s back into the apron. Back inside, cover gets 2. Otunga tags in and keeps the heat going on Truth. Otunga hits a suplex for 2, then applies a rear chin lock. Truth hits a backdrop suplex and makes the hot tag. Morrison runs wild and stomps the shit out of Otunga and McGillicutty, then kicks Mason Ryan and hip tosses Truth out of the ring onto him. Morrison hits McGillicutty with the running knee strike for the pin in 4:16. There ya go. Morrison and Truth brawl with Ryan after the match and send him out of the ring.
Plug for Chris Jericho’s new book, which I just started reading.
Anaheim!
Tonight, Orton vs. Sheamus! Commercials!
WWE bullshit fact of the night.
Justin Roberts introduces Ariel Winter, who plays Triple H’s daughter in that shitty movie. She screeches for a while. Great Khali and Ranjin Singh come out for the stupid Kiss Cam. The cam is going backstage too. Fans kiss. Santino Marella and Tamina kiss. Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler kiss. More fans kiss. Maryse refuses to kiss Ted Dibiase Jr. and kisses Yoshi Tatsu instead. William Regal kisses Zack Ryder on the cheek. More fans. Hornswoggle sneaks in the ring and gives Ariel a box of chocolates. She kisses him on the cheek. Hornswoggle celebrates.
Who’s going to host Mania?
Randy Orton is headed our way! Commercials!
2/21/11! Hey, that’s next week! Something’s gonna happen!
King Sheamus vs. Randy Orton. They start with a very aggressive lock up, then brawl for a while. Sheamus gets the advantage and puts a beating on Orton. Sheamus hits a slingshot shoulder block for 2. Sheamus works Orton’s shoulder. Orton fights back and gets rolling with clotheslines and a powerslam. Sheamus hits the Irish Curse for 2. Sheamus hits a superplex. Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere for the pin in 5:04. Well that was abrupt. The New Nexus jump Orton. John Morrison, R-Truth, and John Cena make the save. Orton RKOs Otunga and McGillicutty. Orton and Cena clothesline Ryan out of the ring. Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep on Orton, but fails. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Punk.
A limo arrives. A woman gets out. The Mania host will be revealed next!
The host of WrestleMania XXVII is… they do a really big, dramatic build up with the lights going out and shit. IT’S THE ROCK! Finally, The Rock has come back to Anaheim! To Monday Night Raw! Home! He lists off his various nicknames. He says he’s back for the fans and he’s never going away again. He makes jokes about Justin Bieber. He talks a little shit about The Miz. The iBooker dings in. Rock tells Cole to sit down and STFU just like old times. Rock plugs his Facebook page and threatens to stick the iBooker laptop up Cole’s candy ass. Rock talks A LOT of shit about John Cena, having taken offense to comments Cena made about Rock in the past. He says “ass” a lot, so apparently he didn’t get the PG memo. He finishes with the “If ya smell what The Rock is cookin’.” Rock poses while his music plays as the show closes.
Some parts of this show really sucked, and some were really good. I’m still pissed about the retarded way Ziggler got the title, but the Miz/Bryan match and the Rock stuff were pretty great.
WWE Monday Night Raw 2/7/11
WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our announcers LIVE from Milwaukee. Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.
Vince McMahon comes out to the stage. He congratulates Wisconsin on their SuperBowl win, then talks about WrestleMania. He says that next week, the guest host of WrestleMania will be introduced.
Randy Orton comes out. They show him punting Husky Harris in the head last week. He tells CM Punk that they’re not done yet. Punk comes out to retort. He shows the Legacy attack and Orton head punt that cost Punk the World Heavyweight Championship at Unforgiven 2008. Holy shit! 2 1/2 years of continuity in a WWE storyline! Punk has a better memory than the WWE writers. Punk and the rest of the remaining New Nexus head to the ring. David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, and Mason Ryan jump Orton. Orton fights back, but is overcome by numbers. Punk gets a bloody nose in the process. Orton kicks Punk in the face despite behind held back. They eventually beat him down. Punk delivers the Go 2 Sleep. Commercials.
Moments ago, ^ happened.
During the break, Cole got an email from the iBooker announcing a series of matches between the New Nexus and Elimination Chamber participants, ending in Punk vs. Cena.
Mason Ryan vs. R-Truth. Truth gets booed for greeting Green Bay when they’re in Milwaukee. Cole throws a fit. Crowd chants “MILWAUKEE!” Idiot Cole leads the chant. Ryan throws Truth around. Truth injures his knee. Ryan attacks it, slamming Truth and causing his knee to hit the ropes. Ryan keeps the heat going. Ryan applies a modified stretch muffler thing for the submission win in 2:27. It was there. Ryan attacks Truth’s knee again after the match. The crowd is still chanting “MILWAUKEE!” The referee reverses the decision, so Truth wins by DQ. Ryan doesn’t care.
Tonight, Cena vs. Punk! Also, something with The Miz and Lawler. Commercials.
WWE bullshit fact of the night.
Backstage, CM Punk pretends to be mad at Mason Ryan, but then tells him “well done.” He tells McGillicutty and Otunga to injure their opponents tonight too. Otunga is scared because he has to face Sheamus.
Natalya has joined Cole and Lawler at the table. She’s getting her rematch against Eve next week.
WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres, Gail Kim, & Tamina vs. Melina & The Bella Twins. Bellas beat up Gail. Melina tags in and takes her turn. Gail clotheslines Melina and makes the tag to Eve. Eve runs wild on Melina and hits a standing moonsault. Bellas save. Clusterfuck ensues. Eve hits a sweet neckbreaker drop on Melina for the pin in 2:23. There ya go. Tamina wasn’t trusted to do anything after that awful match on Superstars last week.
2/21/11! Commercials!
Milwaukee!
Some Packers player celebrated his SuperBowl win with a WWE replica belt.
Elimination Chamber hype video.
John Morrison is in action NEXT! Commercials.
John Morrison vs. Michael McGillicutty. Morrison lands some punches. McGillicutty drops him with an enzui lariat and beats on him. McGillicutty pulls Morrison’s shoulder into the post, then beats on it. McGillicutty dropkicks the steps like a fucking idiot. There was no way he was going to hit Morrison with that. Morrison makes his comeback. Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the Starship Pain for the pin in 2:31. This was nothing. The dropkick to the steps spot was fucking stupid. CM Punk appears on the stage, sprays something into Morrison’s eyes, and kicks him in the head. Commercials.
WWE Rewind: Last week, Jerry Lawler won the Raw Rumble!
WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out. They show Punk’s attack on Morrison again. Miz cuts a promo. He invites Lawler into the ring and tells Riley to get out of the ring. They banter. Miz says he patterned his career after Lawler’s. Lawler makes fun of Miz’s haircut. He says he didn’t pattern his career after anyone, he’s an original. Miz says Lawler is a cheapshot artist. They show Lawler decking Ted Dibiase Jr. last week. Miz calls it a sucker punch. Lawler calls Miz a sucker. Lawler says he’ll finally become WWE Champion and get his chance to compete at WrestleMania. Lawler gets the crowd to chant “awful” at Miz. Miz goes for a cheap shot, but Lawler decks him. Riley tries to jump Lawler. Lawler decks him too, then throws him out of the ring and decks Miz again. Lawler pounds and stomps on Miz. Ted Dibiase Jr. appears and jumps Lawler. DANIEL BRYAN makes the save! iBooker dings in and makes a tag match!
WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) & Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler & WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan. Riley joins Cole on commentary. Dibiase beats up Bryan. Bryan catches him with a knee lift and kicks the crap out of him. Cover gets 2. Bryan hits a running dropkick for 2. Lawler tags in and beats up Dibiase. Miz tags in. Lawler hip tosses and slams him. Miz begs off, then throws Lawler out of the ring. Commercials. Miz has Lawler in a rear chin lock. Lawler escapes. Maryse has appeared at ringside. Bryan tags in and looks awesome against Miz. Bryan goes up top, but Dibiase crotches him. Miz hits the corner clothesline for 2. Dibiase tags in and beats up Bryan. Miz tags in and charges into a dropkick from Bryan. Lawler and Dibiase tag in. Lawler runs wild and hits a DDT for 2, as Miz saves. Clusterfuck ensues. Bryan takes out Miz with a missile dropkick and a tope suicida. Lawler avoids Dibiase in the corner and Dibiase charges into the post. Lawler hits the diving fist drop for the pin in 9:06. Fun match.
Tonight, Punk vs. Cena! Commercials.
WWE.com plug.
Lawler and Cole bicker at the table.
King Sheamus comes out for his match. Josh Matthews comes out and tells him that Mark Henry was talking shit about him, saying he doesn’t deserve to be in the Elimination Chamber. Sheamus talks shit about Henry in return. David Otunga comes out for the match. Mark Henry comes out and brawls with Sheamus. Otunga tries to sneak in and gets decked by Sheamus. Henry avoids the brogue kick and hits the World’s Strongest Slam. Twice. Otunga stands over Sheamus like he actually did something. New Nexus watches this on TV, pleased.
Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio. He’ll be in action NEXT! Commercials.
Alberto Del Rio cuts a promo on Santino Marella, who was, believe it or not, the runner up in the Royal Rumble Match. Santino hits the ring fighting and throws Del Rio over the top rope 8 days too late.
Alberto Del Rio vs. WWE Tag Team Champion Santino Marella. Marella throws Del Rio out of the ring again. Back inside, Del Rio gets the jump on him and throws his shoulder into the post. Del Rio hits a backdrop suplex for 2. Del Rio works Santino’s arm. Santino ducks an enzuigiri and makes his comeback. Santino goes for the Cobra. Del Rio ducks and hits a Codebreaker to the arm. Del Rio hits the Minoru Special for the win in 2:58. Fun times.
Recap of the New Nexus fucking people up tonight.
John Cena is headed our way! The main event is NEXT! Commercials!
WWE bullshit fact of the night.
Hype for this week’s Smackdown, with Edge vs. Dolph Ziggler for the World title with Vickie Guerrero as the referee.
Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler come out. Vickie screeches at me for a while. John Cena thankfully interrupts. I don’t care about what he says either, but at least it’s not Vickie talking. There are some football references. Vickie and Dolph leave. Cena cuts a promo about the New Nexus. He promises to kick their elimination chambers. Funny. Commercials.
2/21/11!
John Cena vs. CM Punk. They lock up. Punk beats on Cena. Punk actually throws a Mongolian chop, which makes me smile. Cena avoids the running knee to the corner and fights back. Cena hits a bulldog. Punk lands some kicks and sends Cena outside. Punk hits a diving lariat off the apron. Back inside, Punk hits the running knee and the bulldog headlock. Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep. Cena counters and punches Punk a bunch. Cena blatantly punches Punk in the balls and gets DQ’d in 4:52. New Nexus hit the ring. Jerry Lawler hands Cena a chair. Cena cleans house and stands tall as the show ends.
Fun show.
WWE Monday Night Raw 1/31/11
WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers. Tonight, Edge vs. Miz again! This time, there MUST be a winner. Justin Robers is the ring announcer.
Ricardo Rodriguez brings out a mariachi band. He introduces the WINNER of the 2011 Royal Rumble, Alberto Del Rio! There’s a big celebration in the ring. Del Rio cuts a promo. He teases that he’ll announce which champion he’s going to challenge at WrestleMania. WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out. He congratulates Del Rio on his victory. He tries to manipulate Del Rio into facing Edge at WrestleMania instead of him by telling him Edge was talking shit about him like this is 10th grade. Del Rio isn’t buying it. World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out and tells Del Rio how he doesn’t like him. Del Rio says he’s coming for the World title at Mania. Edge decks him. Miz, Riley, and the mariachis leave. Del Rio decks Edge and gives him the ol’ el kabong with a guitar. Del Rio locks Edge in a cross armbreaker. Del Rio poses with the belt. Good segment.
Up next, Santino & Kozlov against McGillicutty & Harris for the Tag titles! Commercials.
Providence!
Moments ago, ^^^ happened!
The iBooker dings in. Cole announces a 7-man Raw Rumble for a WWE title shot at Elimination Chamber, with the six losers being the competitors in the Raw Elimination Chamber Match. The participants are Randy Orton, CM Punk, John Morrison, R-Truth, Sheamus, Jerry Lawler, and John Cena.
WWE Tag Team Title Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (c) (w/ Tamina) vs. Michael McGillicutty & Husky Harris of The New Nexus. 2011 Royal Rumble runner-up Santino locks up with McGillicutty. McGillicutty beats down Santino in the corner. Santino avoids a charge in the corner and tags in Kozlov. Kozlov beats up McGillicutty. McGillcutty cuts him off and tags in Harris. Kozlov takes him down and tags in Santino. Harris cuts Santino off and attacks him with his large body. Nexus get the heat on Santino. McGillicutty throws Santino out of the ring. Commercials. Nexus continue working over Santino. Kozlov headbutts McGillicutty from the apron. Santino hits an arm drag. Harris and Kozlov tag in. Kozlov runs wild. Santino tags back in, disposes of McGillicutty, and hits Harris with the Cobra for the pin in 8:10. Well, there ya go.
Randy Orton comes out and drops both Nexus members with RKOs, then warms up to give Harris the PUNT OF DOOM. CM Punk, David Otunga, and Mason Ryan come out. Punk tells Orton not to do it, promising repercussions. Orton does it anyway. The rest of Nexus rush the ring. Orton escapes through the crowd. Commercials.
Moments ago, Randy Orton killed Husky Harris!
Ted Dibiase Jr. and Maryse come out. Dibiase asks Lawler to give him his spot in the Raw Rumble. Cole says Lawler won’t do it because he’s selfish. Lawler says he’s never competed at WrestleMania, and his road to WrestleMania starts tonight. He says he would already be WWE Champion of Cole hadn’t screwed things up. Dibiase cheap shots Lawler. Lawler goes to kick Dibiase’s ass, but he hides behind Maryse. Maryse is like “WTF?” and slaps him. Maryse leaves. Lawler decks Dibiase. I can’t wait for him to deck Cole too.
Tonight, Edge vs. Miz! Plus a Raw Rumble Match! Commercials.
2/21/11. Something is going to happen.
The Bella Twins have joined Cole and Lawler for commentary.
Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ Gail Kim) vs. Tyson Kidd. No entrances. They lock up and do some awesome chain wrestling. After some pimp chain wrestling, Bryan kicks the crap out of Kidd. Kidd goes for the Sharpshooter. Bryan counters and locks in the LeBell Lock for the win in 1:49. Good while it lasted. Bryan and Gail hug. The Bellas get in the ring and start shit. A CAT FIGHT erupts. Bryan and referees break it up.
Miz vs. Edge is NEXT! Commercials.
Slam of the Week: Miz eliminating John Cena from last night’s Royal Rumble.
Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. World Heavyweight Champion Edge. No entrances, but we get in-ring intros. They lock up, break, lock up again. Edge puts the boots to Miz in the corner. Riley pulls Miz out of the ring. Miz pulls Edge’s injured arm across the top rope, then sends his injured shoulder into the steps. Back inside, cover gets 2. Miz goes to work on Edge’s arm. Miz hits an arm stunner for 2. Riley gets in a cheap shot behind the referee’s back. Miz keeps the arm torture going. Edge rallies and gets a sunset flip for 2. Miz hits an armbreaker for 2. Edge rallies and hits his face plant thing for 2 while Lawler and Cole talk about Toby Keith songs. Edge hits an O’Connor Roll out of the corner for 2. Miz drops Edge for a 2 count of his own. Miz goes up top. Edge catches him with a boot and hits the Edgecution for 2. Edge goes for the spear. Miz side steps it and sends Edge into corner. John Cena appears in the crowd to taunt Miz. Edge hits the spear for the pin in 8:53. Fine little match. Cole goes to check on his lover, Miz.
Tonight, Raw Rumble Match! Commercials!
Lawler and Cole announce that Stone Cold Steve Austin will host the new Tough Enough.
Vickie Guerrero comes out to be obnoxious. She says that Edge will defend the World title on Smackdown in a way that it has never been defended before. Uh oh, she’s getting booking ideas from Vince Russo.
WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres & Natalya vs. Michelle McCool & Layla. They show LayCool bitching at each other backstage before making up. Natalya and McCool do some ground wrestling. Natalya hits a back body drop. Layla tags in and cowers from Natalya. Natalya tries to do a Dominator or something. Layla escapes and hugs McCool for dear life. Natalya hits a butterfly suplex for 2. Eve tags in and kicks Layla a bunch, then hits a standing moonsault for 2. Eve goes for a superplex. McCool kicks her in the face. Layla hits a DIAMOND DUST~! for the pin in 2:42. I like this match just for the finish. Commercials.
WWE.com plug.
Josh Matthews has replaced Lawler on commentary.
Great Khali & Mark Henry (w/ Ranjin Singh) come out for a tag match against the Usos. iBooker dings in. Cole reads that the Usos don’t have a chance, so he makes it a dance off. Fucking UGH. They dance. It’s fucking stupid. The Usos jump the huge guys, which is also fucking stupid. They get tree slammed and World’s Strongest Slammed. Fucking ugh. Did the writers say “Hey, we don’t have anything REALLY STUPID on the this show! We better correct that!”
Earlier tonight, Randy Orton killed Husky Harris.
Raw Rumble tonight. Commercials.
2/21/11! Something’s gonna go down! I’m sure it’s gonna be a happening.
Trailer for Triple H’s shitty looking new movie.
Justin Roberts explains the Raw Rumble stipulations. #1 is John Morrison, who had an awesome moment in the Royal Rumble Match last night. #2 is King Sheamus. Commercials.
This Friday on Smackdown, Edge & Kelly Kelly vs. Dolph Ziggler & LayCool for the World Heavyweight Championship. Seriously.
Raw Rumble Match: Morrison and Sheamus go at it. Morrison hits some arm drags and cranks on Sheamus’ arm. Morrison lands corner punches. Sheamus hits the Irish Curse backbreaker. #3 is John Cena. Cena and Sheamus tear into each other. Cena runs wild. He goes for the Attitude Adjustment on Morrison, but Morrison lands on his feet and drops Cena with an enzuigiri. Everybody brawls for a bit. #4 is CM Punk. He runs wild on everyone. Sheamus tries to dump Cena while Morrison and Punk try to eliminate each other. Everyone fails. #5 is R-Truth, who gets his moment to shine. Truth throws Morrison, but Morrison skins the cat back in and flips Truth into a similar predicament. Both save themselves from being eliminated. Punk spikes Cena with a DDT. Sheamus tries to eliminate Truth. #6 is Jerry “The King” Lawler! Lawer runs wild and punches the shit out of everyone! Crowd chants “JERRY!” Sheamus stops Lawler from eliminating Punk. Sheamus tries to dump Lawler. Punk bails under the bottom rope and hides under the ring because #7 is Randy Orton. Orton looks drags Punk out from under the ring and kicks his ass. They make it into the ring and Orton runs wild. Orton eliminates Punk! Truth eliminates Orton! Commercials! The five remaining guys brawl. Cena makes his comeback on Sheamus. He gets Morrison and Truth on his back and tries to eliminate them. Truth goes out, but Morrison hangs on and guillotines Cena to the apron. Cena and Morrison brawl on the apron. Sheamus comes at them and they low bridge him to the apron. Sheamus and Cena make it back into the ring. Sheamus drops Lawler. Sheamus and Morrison try to suplex each other. Morrison almost gets eliminated, but hangs on by his feet. Morrison slides back in and tries to eliminate Sheamus again. Sheamus hits the slingshot shoulder block. Cena locks Sheamus in the STF. Sheamus taps a bunch, but it’s a Rumble. Morrison hits them with the Starship Pain. Lawler dumps Morrison, but Morrison keeps his feet on the apron again. Dude is a Rumble Ninja. Morrison hits the Flying Chuck on Cena. Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck, but Sheamus catches him and puts him in the apron again. Sheamus finally eliminates Morrison with the brogue kick. Cena hits the Attitude Adjusment on Sheamus. Lawler dropkicks Cena and tries to eliminate him. Sheamus breaks it up and hammers Cena on the apron. Sheamus throws Lawler into Cena, which knocks Cena to the floor. Sheamus goes for the brogue kick, but Cena low bridges Sheamus out of the ring just to be a dick. Lawler wins in 18:18. Fun match. Lawler gets a title shot an Elimination Chamber!
Fun show aside from the stupid bullshit dance thing.
