Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,000 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 33 trips to carry that many people.

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WWE open, AWESOME PPV open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Chicago.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Booker T are the announcer.  Tony Chimel and Justin Roberts are the ring announcers.  Carlos Cabrera and Hugo Savinovich are the Spanish announcers.

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Sin Cara vs. Wade Barrett vs. Justin Gabriel vs. Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Heath Slater vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Kane.  Everybody brawls.  The big guys (Kane, Barrett, and Sheamus) clear the ring and brawl amongst themselves.  Kane clotheslines the others out of the ring, then tries to bring in a ladder.  Bryan dropkcks it into him.  Slater and Gabriel do the same to Bryan.  Cara tries to do the same to them, but they duck and nail him with the ladder.  Slater gets the ladder in the ring and sets it up.  Gabriel knocks him off and walks the ladder toward the center.  Bryan dropkicks him off.  Rhodes throws Bryan into the ladder.  He tries to climb, but Sheamus cuts him off and goes for the Razor’s Edge.  Rhodes counters, goes for the Beautiful Disaster, and hits Slater with it.  Sheamus uses the ladder to beat up Rhodes.  Kane throws Sheamus and Rhodes out of the ring.  Barrett jumps Kane.  Kane rallies and disposes of Barrett, then beats up Slater.  Kane goes up top, but Cara knocks him down with a kick.  Gabriel drops Cara.  Bryan ducks Gabriel and hits a tope suicida on somebody.  Gabriel, Slater, and Cara all hit dives too.  Cara, Gabriel, and Slater do stuff in the ring.  Cara gets rid of both of them.  Bryan appears on the top rope.  Cara hits him with a kick, then hits a one-man Spanish Fly off the top rope.  Cara goes out for a ladder, but Barrett boots him down.  Barrett builds a ladder bridge from the apron to the Spanish table.  Uh oh.  Barrett misses Sin Cara and accidentally clotheslines the post.  Cara goes back in the ring and eats a brogue kick from Sheamus.  Sheamus powerbombs Cara off the apron through the ladder bridge.  Fucking ouch.  Sheamus beats up more people with a ladder.  Cara is stretchered out.  Kane and Sheamus brawl in the ring.  Bryan, Kane, and Rhodes all bring in ladders, then drop them and start brawling.  Kane takes them both out and climbs the ladder.  The former members of The Corre cut him off.  Rhodes takes advantage of the distraction to climb the ladder.  The ex-Corre cut him off too.  Bryan climbs and gets the same treatment.  Barrett climbs the ladder.  His former teammates cut him off and beat him up, then throw him out of the ring.  Gabriel and Slater climb the ladder and fight over the briefcase.  Rhodes knocks the ladder over and gives Slater the Cross Rhodes.  Rhodes climbs the ladder.  Barrett cuts him off.  Rhodes gives him the Cross Rhodes too.  Rhodes climbs the ladder again.  Sheamus cuts him off and hits the uranage backbreaker.  Bryan cuts off Sheamus and rams his head into the ladder.  Sheamus and Kane hit Bryan with a Doomsday Device!  Sheamus and Kane brawl.  Kane eventually takes him out, then chokeslams Rhodes, then chokeslams Gabriel.  Kane climbs the ladder.  Bryan cuts him off.  Kane tries to chokeslam him, but Bryan turns it into some kind of arm lock.  Bryan dives at Kane, gets caught, but somehow turns it to his advantage.  Slater climbs the ladder.  Bryan cuts him off too.  Slater hits a neckbreaker off the ladder.  Slater climbs again, but Barrett cuts him off.  Barrett crotches Slater on the top turnbuckle, then beats up Sheamus.  Barrett brings a third ladder into the ring.  Barrett and Sheamus hit Slater with it, then launch him to the floor.  Sheamus hits Barrett and Rhodes with brogue kicks, then hits Gabriel with a Polish Hammer.  Sheamus drops Gabriel face first across the ladder, then gives him a brogue kick.  Sheamus climbs the ladder.  Kane comes up the other side and brawls with him.  Kane chokeslams Sheamus off the ladder into another ladder.  Ouch.  Barrett, Rhodes, and Bryan attack Kane.  Rhodes hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Barrett hits the Wasteland.  Gabriel hits Kane with the 450 splash in an impressively small space.  Barrett gives Gabriel the Wasteland out of the ring onto Slater.  Barrett drops Bryan and gives Rhodes a pumphandle slam.  Barrett climbs the ladder.  Rhodes pulls him down and clotheslines him out of the ring.  Bryan climbs the ladder.  Rhodes tries to stop him, but gets elbowed in the face.  They fight up the ladder.  Barrett climbs up the other side and tries to take the briefcase.  Bryan guillotines Rhodes, then elbows Barrett in the face.  Barrett sets up Bryan for the Wasteland.  Bryan counters with the elbow flurry, then drops Barrett with a kick.  Bryan gets the briefcase in 24:26.  BRYAN WINS~!  HOLY SHIT!  Great match.  Bryan gets the honor of being the first guy to cash in and fail.

Earlier tonight, Vince McMahon, Johnny Ace, and some lawyer arrived.

Chicago!

WWE Divas Championship Match: Kelly Kelly (c) (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Brie Bella (w/ Nikki Bella).  Kelly slaps Brie and goes on the attack.  Kelly tries a headscissors, fucks it up horrible, and sort of recovers.  Brie goes to confer with her twin.  Kelly hits them both with a dive.  Back inside, Kelly sort of goes for a tarantula and gets sent face first into the floor.  Nikki puts the boots to Kelly behind the referee’s back.  Back inside, Brie goes beats up Kelly for a while.  Kelly makes her comeback and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Brie blocks the Rocker Dropper.  Kelly blocks a backslide.  Cover gets 2.  Brie DDTs Kelly’s foot.  Cover gets 2.  I’m fucking serious.  Kelly hits the Rocker Dropper for the pin in 4:48.  It wasn’t the worst match I’ve ever seen.

SummerSlam commercial.

Big Show/Mark Henry hype video.

Mark Henry vs. The Big Show.  The two big bruisers tear into each other.  Show hits Henry with a shoulder block and Henry rolls to the floor.  They brawl at ringside.  Henry dropkicks the steps into Show’s knee.  Back inside, Henry goes to work on the knee.  Show fight out of a half crab.  Henry squashes Show in the corner.  He tries it again, but is met with a boot.  Show dives off the bottom rope and hits Henry with a shoulder block.  Show goes for the chokeslam.  Henry takes out his knee and hits the World’s Strongest Slam for 2.  Henry hits another World’s Strongest Slam and 2 big splashes for the pin in 5:58.  It was okay.  After the match, Henry gets a chair and Pillmanizes Show’s leg with a Vader Bomb.  Show is driven out on a letter stretcher cart thingy.

Vince McMahon complains to Johnny Ace backstage.  Josh Matthews comes in and asks him of he’s resigned CM Punk.  Vince says no, then bitches about Punk being an ingrate.

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne vs. R-Truth vs. Alex Riley vs. The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Everybody grabs a ladder during their entrance and brings it into the ring, so we start with a ladder fight.  Del Rio is buried under ladder at ringside.  They even have mini ladders.  Bourne and Kofi brawl atop a mini ladder, then used it to hit people.  Rey takes Swagger out of the ring with a rana.  Riley drops Truth’s balls in a ladder, then hits him with a knee.  Riley climbs up the midget ladder.  Miz cuts him off.  This is stupid.  Riley takes out Miz and Swagger with a dive.  Truth break dances and hits a Space Flying Tiger Drop onto the pile.  Mysterio and Kofi hit stereo dives off the top rope.  Bourne hits a Shooting Star press off of a ladder onto everyone.  Bourne goes back into the ring and climbs a proper ladder.  Miz cuts him off.  They fight on top.  Del Rio pushes the ladder over.  Miz starts selling his knee.  Medics come out to check on him.  Del Rio climbs the ladder.  Truth stops him.  Miz is helped to the back.  Truth climbs the ladder.  Del Rio climbs the other side.  Bourne and Mysterio climb over them, but are pulled down.  They both hit Frankensteiners.  Swagger drops Bourne and Truth.  Kofi springboards over Swagger and climbs the ladder.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock.  Riley climbs the ladder.  Swagger notices and brawls with him top of the ladder.  Truth pushes it over.  A ladder bridge gets set up in the corner.  Kofi, Truth, and Rey do some stuff with it.  Kofi comes off of it with a Boom Drop onto Truth.  Del Rio charges Kofi, but ends up diving under the ladder to the floor.  More ladder spots.  Swagger gets hit in the face with one.  Mysterio gives Truth a 619.  Riley and Mysterio fight on top of the ladder.  There are a bunch of ladders in the ring now.  Everybody climbs up and tries to get the briefcase.  Del Rio takes a face bump into the ladder bridge.  Guys continue brawling up top.  Bourne takes a bump off a ladder to the floor.  Kofi ends up on top alone.  Swagger makes it back in to cut him off.  They both fall to the floor.  Miz hobbles back down to a big pop and goes for the briefcase.  Mysterio cuts him off and gets booed.  Mysterio powerbombs Miz to the crown.  Del Rio cuts off Mysterio from getting the briefcase.  Mysterio says “fuck that” and knocks him down.  Del Rio climbs the opposite side of the ladder.  Mysterio hits him with the briefcase.  Del Rio takes Mysterio’s mask off.  A bunch of ladders fall over.  Del Rio climbs back up and takes it in 15:52.  Fun match, but nowhere near the Smackdown ladder match.

WrestleMania travel package advertisement.

Chicago!

Randy Orton/Christian hype video.

Josh Matthews interviews Alberto Del Rio, who is mad that he had to be in Money In The Bank after winning a #1 Contender Match a couple of weeks ago.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. Christian.  Orton can lose the title by DQ.  Christian brings a chair into the ring in an attempt to get Orton to get himself DQ’d.  Orton teases it, then throws the chair out of the ring.  Christian shaves Orton.  Orton decks him and kicks his ass.  Christian fights back, but eats a clothesline.  This is a heel crowd tonight.  They’re booing Orton.  Orton slides back into the ring to avoid a dive, then throws Christian into the steps.  Back inside, Christian rallies and hits the diving elbow smash for 2.  Christian beats on Orton for a time.  Orton awesomely avoids Christian in the corner and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Christian hits a spinebuster for 2.  Orton counters the Killswitch and clotheslines Christian, sending them both to the floor.  Back inside, Orton gets a jackknife hold for 2, then hits a Lou Thesz press.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Christian counters.  Christian dives at Orton, but gets caught with a dropkick.  Cover gets 2.  Orton goes for a superplex, but Christian knocks him down and hits a diving headbutt for 2.  Orton makes a comeback, but Christian cuts him off and hits the Killswitch for 2.  Christian goes for a spear, but Orton leapfrogs him and hits a swank gutwrench into a neckbreaker.  Orton goes for the punt, misses, and hits a powerslam.  He hits the DDT OF MURDER on the second try, then humps the mat.  Christian spits in Orton’s face.  Orton gets pissed off and beats on him.  Orton kicks Christian straight in the balls to cause the DQ and lose the title in 12:19.  Christian is crowned champion.  Orton kicks his ass at ringside.  Teddy Long comes down to try to settle Orton down.  Orton gives Christian the RKO on the Spanish announce table.  Orton starts to leave, then comes back down to a big pop and gives Christian another RKO on the table.

Skittles commercial.

SummerSlam commercial again.

John Cena/CM Punk hype video.

CM Punk comes out to an insanely loud hero’s welcome in his home town.  Cena comes out to the loudest fucking boos I’ve ever heard.  He’s all business tonight and even has the belt around his waist.

WWE Championship Match: John Cena (c) vs. CM Punk.  They lock up and trade holds.  Cena ducks a high kick.  Man, this crowd is hot.  Cena gets a takedown.  They trade holds some more.  Punk hits a big hip toss and gets a side headlock takeover.  They counters each others’ finish.  Punk lands some kicks.  Cena hits a bulldog headlock for 2, then grabs a headlock and works it.  Punk escapes and gets a 2 count.  There’s a high pitched “LET’S GO CENA” chant alternating with a much deeper “CENA SUCKS!” chant.  Cena hits a Fisherman suplex for 2.  Lawler just said he didn’t think there was a single Cena fan in the arena, so he didn’t just hear those loud ass chants.  Punk hits a DDT for 2, then applies a headscissors.  Punk escapes an Attitude Adjustment predicament and throws Cena to the floor.  Punk sets Cena in the apron and hits a diving enzui knee drop!  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Cena goes for the STF and fails.  Punk clamps on a rear chin lock.  Punk hits a diving cross body to Cena’s knee for 2.  Cena sells the knee.  Punk tries to suplex Cena in from the apron, but Cena suplexes Punk to the floor!  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Cena hits an elbow drop for 2.  Cena hits a nifty suplex/powerslam for 2.  Punk lands some punches to big cheers.  Cena locks in an abdominal stretch to boos.  Punk escapes with a hip toss.  Double knockdown spot.  Cena starts his comeback, but Punk catches him with a schoolboy for 2.  Cena concludes his comeback and goes for the “You can’t see me” gesture, but Punk kicks him in the head, knocks him to the floor, and hits a tope suicida!  Back inside, Punk goes for the springboard lariat, but Cena avoids it.  Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Punk sort of lands on his feet and lands a flurry of kicks for 2.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Cena counters into a gutwrench suplex for 2.  Punk counters the Attitude Adjustment and hits 2 knee strikes and a bulldog headlock.  Punk hits the springboard lariat for 2.  Punk lands more kicks.  Cena locks in the STF.  Punk gets a rope break.  Punk kills Cena with a high kick for 2.  Punk hits a diving cross body.  Cena rolls through, lifts him, and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Punk counters and goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Cena counters into the STF again.  Punk escapes and locks in the Anaconda Vice!  Cena fights out and hits the Attitude Adjustment for 2.  Cena comes off the top rope, but Punk sort of counters into a sit-out powerbomb for 2.  Punk signals for the Go 2 Sleep.  He goes for it, but Cena drops to the apron and pulls Punk’s head across the top rope.  Cena hits the diving Fameasser for 2.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment again, and PUNK KICKS OUT AGAIN!  Cena tries to set up a SUPER ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, but Punk clubbers Cena’s head with elbows!  Punk hits a top rope Frankensteiner.  Cena rolls to the ropes.  Punk hits the running knee and the Go 2 Sleep, but only catches Cena in the middle.  Cena falls out of the ring.  Punk throws Cena back in the ring.  Vince McMahon and Johnny Ace come out.  Cena locks Punk in the STF.  Vince tries to call for the bell.  He sends Ace to do his bidding, but Cena decks him.  Cena yells at Vince that he can win this himself.  He goes after Punk, but Punk catches him and hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin to win the title at 33:44.  Great pro wrestling match right here, kids.  Punk celebrates with the belt.  Vince looks almost as morose as Dana White did after Brock Lesnar lost the UFC Heavyweight title.  Vince takes King’s headset and yells at someone to send Alberto Del Rio out here.  Del Rio runs out.  Punk kills him with a high kick.  Punk blows Vince a kiss and leaves through the crowd with his belt.  What will happen next as the WWE Universe Turns?

Really good show with a couple of great matches.

Curt Hawkins vs. Trent Barreta.  Hawkins grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block.  Barreta does drop down, leap frog, elbow smash.  Cover gets 2.  Hawkins backs Barreta into the corner and slaps him.  Barreta gets pissed and fires back.  Hawkins slides under the ropes and trips Barreta in the process, then pulls him to the floor.  Back inside, Hawkins puts a beating on Barreta.  Barreta tries to rally, beat eats a clothesline.  Cover gets 2.  Barreta fights out of a hold, flips out of a backdrop suplex, and hits Hawkins with an enzuigiri.  Hawkins falls to the floor.  Barreta hits a Space Flying Tiger Drop.  Back inside, Barreta hits a springboard dropkick for 2.  Hawkins counters the tornado DDT and hits a body slam for 2.  Barreta counters a move and hits the tornado DDT for the pin in 5:20.  Fine little match.

Tonight, six-woman tag match.  Ugh.

WWE.com plug.

Josh Matthews and Scott Stanford are now the announcers.  Justin Roberts is now the ring announcer.

Awesome Undertaker/Triple H hype video.

Snooki hype video leading to the horrible Snooki & Trish/LayCool bar fight from Raw.

Edge/Alberto Del Rio hype video.

WWE Champion The Miz on Conan O’Brian.

Raw Rebound.

Divas tag match next.  Ugh again.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Melina & The Bella Twins vs. WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres, Natalya, & Gail Kim.  One of the Bellas beats up Natalya.  Natalya hits a snap suplex and a basement dropkick for 2.  Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter, but the Bella reaches the ropes.  Natalya pulls her up and down for 2.  Melina tags in and gets slammed by Natalya.  Gail tags in.  Natalya throws her on top of Melina for 2.  Melina misses the splits and eats a basement dropkick.  Gail beats up Melina for a bit.  Gail tries to springboard, but Melina pulls her down across the top rope.  Gail gets caught in the heel corner and they get the heat on her.  Melina goes for the Code Red, but Gail counters it.  Gail plants Melina with a powerbomb.  Eve gets the hot tag and runs wild until Melina low bridges her out of the ring.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Bellas pull the switcheroo.  Eve goes for her neckbreaker drop, but the Bella hits her with an X Factor for the pin in 6:24.  There ya go.

The opener was fun, at least.

CM Punk is sitting Indian style in the ring.  We’re LIVE from Chicago.  He cuts a promo about Randy Orton.  He blames the New Nexus for their own misfortunes.  They show Punk’s attack on Orton at Orton’s bus last week.  He says he’ll close this chapter at Mania.  Randy Orton limps out with his knee taped up.  They brawl.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and humps the mat despite his injured knee.  Orton goes for the punt, but his knee gives out and Punk escapes.  He realizes that this would be a good time to take advantage of a wounded opponent and returns to the ring to taunt him, then kicks him in the injured knee.  Punk delivers the Go 2 Sleep.

Tonight, The Undertaker and Triple H will face off!  So will John Cena, The Miz, and The Rock.

Edge and Christian meet up backstage.  Edge talks about the stupidity of Teddy Long saying he can’t touch Alberto Del Rio on Smackdown, but the iBooker says he can.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio from Smackdown.

Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

World Heavyweight Champion Edge & Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio & Brodus Clay.  Del Rio & Clay are of course introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez.  Edge and Clay start.  Clay is awesome at beating and being beaten.  Edge and Christian make quick tags and try to work Clay’s arm over.  They bundle him out of the ring and Christian gos for a dive.  Clay catches him, but Edge knocks him down with a baseball slide dropkick.  Commercials.  Del Rio works Christian’s arm, having gained the advantage during the break.  Del Rio and Clay keep the heat going on Christian.  Edge gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Edge goes for the spear on Clay, but Del Rio trips him from the outside.  Christian attacks Del Rio, who whips him into the barricade.  Edge spears Clay for the pin in 8:15.  The match was fine.  Del Rio puts Christian in the cross armbreaker in the aisle.  Edge chases Del Rio out of the building.  Edge goes back to check on Christian.  Del Rio attacks him from behind and puts him in the cross armbreaker.

Trish Stratus and Snooki are in a bar in New Jersey.  Commercials.

Sin Cara vignette.

Chicago!

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are backstage with an upside down WWE logo.

The iBooker dings in.  Lawler believes this will be a good chance to fuck with Cole, but Cole, who routinely leaves the Cole Mine, now stays securely inside and reads the e-mail from his iPad.  Cole announcers Lawler vs. Jack Swagger for tonight.

Awesome Undertaker/Triple H hype video.  They’ll face off tonight!  Commercials!

WrestleMania Week events list.

WWE Tag Team Champion Justin Gabriel (w/ WWE Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champion Heath Slater, & Ezekiel Jackson) vs. Santino Marella (w/ The Big Show, Kane, Vladimir Kozlov, & Tamina).  These guys will have an 8-man tag at Mania.  They lock up and wrestle a bit.  Slater distracts Santino.  Gabriel lands a spin kick for 2.  Gabriel cranks on Santino’s arm.  Santino throws him off and makes his comeback.  Santino frighters Slater with the Cobra.  Kane decks Slater.  Kozlov trips Gabriel behind the referee’s back.  Show and Kane take out the rest of the Corre at ringside.  Santino hits the Cobra for the pin in 1:52.  There ya go.  All of the babyfaces celebrate jovially.

Plug for WWE All Stars, a very silly looking game.

Triple H is headed our way!  Commercials.

Keri Hilson will perform America The Beautiful at WrestleMania.  Never heard of her.

The Undertaker comes out.  So does Triple H.  So does Shawn Michaels.  Michaels apologizes for interrupting, then proceeds to hype up the match.  Michaels is mad that Triple H thinks he can do what Michaels couldn’t.  Triple H says Michaels has gone soft.  He talks about Undertaker’s dedication and says that’s why he chose to pattern himself after Taker.  Triple H has this really great bit about how he and Shawn made a pact to tell each other when it was time to leave, and now he’s telling Taker it’s time for him to leave out of respect.  Taker says if he ever needed someone to put him down, he’d want it to be Triple H, but it’s not time for that yet.  He says he and the streak will both survive Mania.  Taker talks about how Michaels failed twice despite his greatness and that is now humbled.  He sort of shoves Michaels.  Michaels goes for the superkick.  Undertaker catches it and goes for the chokeslam.  Triple H breaks it up and stares down Taker.  He tells Shawn to tell Taker why he will beat him at Mania.  Shawn leaves instead.  Triple H calls out to him.  Shawn looks back and says “You can’t win.”  Taker tips his hat to Triple H and leaves.  Fucking great segment.

Tonight a face off between Cena, Rock, and Miz that won’t be in the same universe as the one we just saw.  Commercials.

Jack Swagger (w/ Michael Cole) vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler.  Lawler comes out to new music that sucks compared to the music he’s always used in WWE.  Cole gets on the apron.  Lawler lunges for him.  Swagger jumps Cole and beats him up.  Swagger sends Lawler outside and throws him over the barricade so he can pose uninterrupted.  Lawler clocks Swagger with a chair to cause the DQ in 1:16, then several more times to boot.  He goes after Cole, who hides in the Cole Mine, so Lawler hits the Cole Mine, then tries to climb into it.  He’s held back by Cole’s security.  Cole throws liquid on him, then talks shit from the safety of his box.

Tonight, Cena/Rock/Miz stuff.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: John Morrison & Trish Stratus vs. Dolph Ziggler, LayCool, & Vickie Guerrero from last week, where Morrison did the job for Vickie Guerrero.  Yes.  That happened.

Vickie Guerrero comes out to be obnoxious and do John Morrison poses.  I fast forward through her screaming with her nails on a chalkboard voice.

WWE United States Champion Sheamus & Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. John Morrison & Daniel Bryan.  Sheamus beats up Morrison.  One of Morrison’s best roles is getting his ass kicked by Sheamus.  Morrison decks Ziggler on the apron.  Sheamus hits the Irish Curse for 2.  Commercials.  Morrison continues playing face in peril.  Bryan tags in and locks Ziggler in the LeBell Lock.  Sheamus kicks Bryan in the back of the head, then tags in and kills Bryan with a Polish Hammer.  Morrison saves.  Ziggler accosts Morrison and gets dropped with a Pele Kick.  Sheamus sends Morrison outside.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock.  Sheamus counters, then avoids Bryan in the corner and hits the Razor’s Edge for the pin in 6:15.  What the showed of it was pretty fun.

Earlier tonight, stuff went down between Randy Orton and CM Punk.

Randy Orton ices his injured knee backstage.  Scott Stanford asks him if he’ll make it to Mania.  He says he’ll make it there, but Punk won’t make it out.

Tonight, Cena/Rock/Miz stuff.  Commercials.

Chicago!

New Hall of Fame inductee: The Road Warriors!

Trish Stratus and Snooki TAPED via satellite.  Pretty sure Snooki is drunk.  Some Jersey tard hits on them.  Snooki slaps him.  LayCool show up.  Snooki throws a drink in Layla.  They brawl.

Cena/Rock/Miz next.  Commercials.

The Rock comes out.  He talks about how his first WrestleMania match was in this building.  He goes on with his promo, the highlight of which is when he calls John Cena “a homeless Power Ranger.”  Cena comes out and talks to Rock for a while.  They get mad at each other and act like they’re gonna fight.  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz babbles for a while.  Rock says it doesn’t matter what Miz thinks.  Miz and Riley jump The Rock.  Cena has disappeared.  Rock makes his own comeback, knocks Riley out of the ring, and DDTs Miz and gives him the People’s Elbow, then throws him out of the ring.  Cena comes back in and gives Rock the Attitude Adjustment.

Pretty good go-home show, I thought.

World Heavyweight Champion Edge bitches to Teddy Long about the arm injury he suffered at the hands of Alberto Del Rio last week.  Long has ruled that Edge and Del Rio can’t touch until WrestleMania.  Edge is pissed that he has to wait 2 weeks for his revenge.

Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Josh Matthews, Booker T, and Michael Cole are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

WrestleMania Rewind Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. CM Punk.  They show Punk’s attack on Randy Orton from Raw.  They lock up.  Punk backs Mysterio into the corner and cheap shots him instead of giving a clean break.  Mysterio hits a flying headscissors and goes for the 619.  Punk counters with a knee lift.  Mysterio rolls through a cradle and kicks Punk in the head for 2.  Punk avoids a springboard cross body and puts a beating on Mysterio.  Punk applies an abdominal stretch.  Mysterio rallies and sends Punk to the floor.  Punk drops Mysterio across the barricade.  Insta-commercials.  Punk applies a body scissors.  Mysterio fights out.  He tried to slide under Punk, but Punk drops a knee on his back for 2.  Punk hits a leg drop for 2.  Punk hits a cross body block for 2.  Punk goes up top and dives.  Mysterio catches him with a dropkick.  Mysterio kicks Punk in the legs, then sort of monkey flips him out of the ring and hits an Asai moonsault.  Cody Rhodes appears and throws Mysterio into the post to cause the DQ (5:30 shown).  Rhodes headbutts Mysterio in the face with his mask.  Rhodes exposes a knee brace and knees Mysterio in the face with it.  Why is Rhodes freaking out when he’s wearing a clear mask and everyone can see he looks exactly the same as he always has?

World Heavyweight Champion Edge is in his locker room.  Christian comes in to chat with him.  Edge says he’s going to prove he’s fine by having a match with Drew McIntyre tonight and being in Christian’s corner against Del Rio later.

Tonight, The Undertaker addresses Triple H.

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. Drew McIntyre.  Edge has like six pounds of tape on his arm.  McIntyre, sensibly, goes right for it.  Edge stomps him into the corner.  McIntyre lands an elbow smash and goes to work on the arm.  Edge makes a one armed comeback.  McIntyre kicks him in the arm and goes for the Future Shock.  Edge counters.  McIntyre counters.  Edge locks in the Edgeucator for the submission in 2:26.  There ya go.  Edge spears McIntyre after the match, just because he’s a fine, upstanding babyface.

Tonight, Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio!

Video of people talking about Undertaker/Triple H.

Tonight, Undertaker addresses Triple H!

Divas tag match next.  Ugh.

Smack of the night: Dolph Ziggler, LayCool, & Vickie Guerrero vs. John Morrison & Trish Stratus from Raw.

Kelly Kelly & Rosa Mendez vs. Michelle McCool & Layla.  LayCool are pretending to be Jersey obnoxious instead of their usual brand of obnoxious.  They do the retard dance that wrestlers supposedly from the Jersey Shore are fond of.  The face divas attack them.  McCool kicks Layla with the loaded boot on the outside.  In the ring, Rosa beats up Layla.  McCool breaks a cover and dances.  Layla hits the Lay Out for the pin in 1:09.  Thank God this atrocious shit is over.  Shit, it’s not.  LayCool are obnoxious for a while afterwards.

Last week, The Corre fucked Big Show & Kane’s shit all up.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Kofi Kingston © vs. Wade Barrett (w/ Ezekiel Jackson & WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater).  They lock up.  Barrett backs Kofi into the corner.  Kofi lands some blows and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Kofi lands a dropkick for 2.  Kofi hits an elbow smash for 2.  Kofi tries to go up top, but Barrett kicks him in the ass to stop him, then puts the boots on him.  Barrett boots Kofi off the apron to the floor.  Barrett rams Kofi’s back into the apron, then throws him back in.  Kofi fights back.  Barrett hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Barrett keeps the heat doing.  Kofi avoids a diving elbow drop and makes his comeback.  Barrett ducks a clothesline and kicks Kofi in the gut.  Kofi counters Barrett’s pumphandle slam and hits the pendulum kick in the corner.  Kofi hits a diving cross body for 2.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and warms up for the Trouble In Paradise.  Gabriel distracts the referee.  Slater gets on the apron and eats the Trouble In Paradise.  Barrett ducks the same and hits the Wasteland for the pin in 5:18.  The Corre wins its second title.  Not a bad little match.  Gabriel gives Kofi the 450 splash after the match.  The Corre celebrates the title win.

Alberto Del Rio and Teddy Long bicker in the GM office.

Next, Undertaker addresses Triple H.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

The Undertaker comes out to the stage to talk about his match with Triple H at WrestleMania.  He says at Mania, Triple H will just be #19.

Tonight, Christian vs. Del Rio.

Sin Cara vignette.

From Raw: Jack Swagger and Michael Cole attacking Jerry Lawler.

Jack Swagger vs. R-Truth.  Cole spazzes out big time because he and Swagger are butt buddies.  Swagger beats up Truth.  Truthe makes is comeback and a lewd gesture, then low bridges Truth out of the ring and hits him with a dive.  Swagger gets the jump on R-Truth coming back in, DDTs his leg, and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 2:53.  There ya go.  Cole leaves the utterly pointless Cole Mine to get in the ring and be an obnoxious little piece of shit.  They prance around the ring like they’re at a gay pride parade.

Christian vs. Del Rio tonight.

Raw Rebound.

WrestleMania hype.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  The main event is next.

Alberto Del Rio (w/ Brodus Clay) vs. Christian (w/ World Heavyweight Champion Edge).  They lock up.  Del Rio lands a knee and grabs a side headlock.  Christian lands an elbow smash for 2.  Del Rio stomps Christian down in the corner.  Christian back body drops Del Rio to the floor and hits him with a dive from the top rope.  Insta-commercials.  Christian hits a diving sunset flip for 2.  Christian clotheslines Del Rio to the floor.  Del Rio sends Christian into the barricade.  Back inside, Del Rio goes to work on Christian’s arm.  Del Rio hits a diving senton for 2.  Del Rio keeps the heat on Christian.  Christian rallies and hits a tope rope Frankensteiner for 2.  Christian makes his comeback.  Del Rio avoids a diving cross body.  Christian duckes an enzuigiri  and hits an tornado DDT.  Ricardo puts Del Rio’s foot on the rope.  Edge frighters Ricardo.  Clay Pearl Harbors Edge.  Del Rio goes for the Minoru Special.  Christian goes for the Killswitch.  Del Rio lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Del Rio locks in the cross armbreaker.  Christian gets the ropes.  Double clothesline spot.  Edge spears Clay on the floor, then grabs a chair and beats him on the back with it.  Del Rio kicks Christian in the arm.  Christian hits the Killswitch for the pin (8:50 shown).  Fine but overbooked match.  Why does Del Rio keep losing going into a World title match at WrestleMania?  Edge teases hitting Del Rio with the chair.  Christian stops him and talks some sense into him, then wallops Del Rio with the chair himself.  Edge yells at Del Rio.

Okay show, but I don’t understand burying your heel who’s getting the title shot at Mania.  Then again, they’re burying the World Champion on Raw, so what do I know?

“Do The Math”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Ken Anderson and some old guy in a suit come out to the ring.  Anderson introduces the guy as Professor Shubert, a mathematician from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay.  They have a dry erase board in the ring, which they use to do math explaining that Anderson wants his title rematch.  I have no fucking idea what’s going on.  Anderson says that the professor once told a girl with a big ass that Anderson was gay so he could bang her instead.  I’m completely fucking serious.  Anderson gives the guy the Mic Check.  Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff come out.  Bischoff says Hogan sees something in Anderson, but he doesn’t.  Hogan talks about how he likes Anderson, then talks about how he’s being a dick, so he’s not getting a title shot until he earns it, because the rematch he’s already supposed to get was signed by Dixie Carter.  Man, this is convoluted.  Hogan books Anderson vs. RVD again tonight.  Anderson says RVD isn’t in his league.  Rob Van Dam comes out to retort.  Insta-commercials.

Anderson, Hogan, Bischoff, and RVD are in the ring.  RVD says “This is pro wrestling.  Someone talks smack about you, your music plays and you have to respond.”  Awesome.  They bicker.  RVD says he doesn’t know why he even signed with TNA.  Yes, he said that.  He bitches at Hogan for a while.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting comes out and says the Network told him he’s the special enforcer in the #1 Contender match.  Wonderful.

Tonight, Ric Flair challenges Fortune.

They show Bully Ray powerbombing AJ Styles off the stage last week.  Mickie vs. Tara next.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Backstage, TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne orders Tara destroy Mickie “or else.”  “Or else what?”  Tara replies.  Madison has no answer.

Mickie James vs. Tara.  Mickie beals Tara into the ring and kicks her ass.  Mickie hits a flapjack and nips up, which is oddly hot.  Tara lands a  snug looking knee to the face, then a standing moonsault, which was also oddly hot, for 2.  Mickie catches Tara with an elbow smash and goes for a rana, but Tara powerbombs her for 2.  Tara goes up top.  Mickie hits the ropes and crotches her, which is not hot.  Mickie goes for a Frankensteiner, I think, but ends up sitting in her lap.  Not sure if that was a botch or not.  Tara hits an avalance-style crab hold, which I don’t think I’ve ever seen before.  Mickie gets a rope break.  Tara goes for the Widow’s Peak, but Mickie counters into a nasty looking DDT for the pin in 3:17.  Best TNA women’s match in a LONG time, and Velvet Sky was nowhere to be seen.  I smell a correlation.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne comes out onstage to glare unhappily, then gives a nasty smile.

Sting and Ken Anderson encounter each other backstage.  Anderson is mad that Sting “stole” his title shot when he won the title.  Sting said the Network gave it to him.  Anderson asks for a name.  Sting says it’s simply “The Network.”

Tonight, Ric Flair challenges Fortune!  Anderson vs. RVD again.  Meh to that.

Replay of the worst segment of all time from last week, with The Pope abusing and preparing to rape Okato.  They’re so proud of this abortion, they’re showing it again.

Samoa Joe and Okato chat backstage.

Okato vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Okato lands a dropkick and goes on the attack.  Pope avoids an awkward looking missile dropkick and beats up Okato.  Pope takes off his boot and hits Okato with it, then pulls off his glove to reveal several rings.  Pope punches Okato with the rings and gets DQ’d in 2:21.  Pope coninutes to kick Okato’s ass, then decks the referee.  Samoa Joe runs off Pope.

Tonight, Flair’s challenge and RVD vs. Anderson

Sting video package.

Kurt Angle talks about his kids and the match with Jarrett at Lockdown.

Flair’s challenge is NEXT!

Rob Van Dam and Hulk Hogan chat in the office.  Hogan says RVD is his guy, which is the opposite of what he told Anderson earlier.  RVD buys it, which proves he wasn’t watching the promo, but then how did he known Anderson was talking shit about him?  Did his music play and he just ASSUMED?  WTF is wrong with this company?  Hogan leaves and RVD calls him an idiot.  He’s right in this case.

Ric Flair, Matt Hardy, and Bully Ray come out.  They cut promos.  Hardy looks ridiculous with his stupid dreadlocks and sunglasses perched on top of his head.  Bully Ray challenges Fortune to a match at Lockdown, “the four of us against the three of you.”  Does Bully have a mouse in his pocket?  Fortune: TNA X Division Champion Kazarian and TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money hit the ring and kick their asses.  The lights go funny.  Abyss appears to make the save for the heels.  ONE WEEK AFTER ABYSS WAS STRIPPED OF THE TV TITLE FOR BEING TOO INJURED TO WRESTLE. HE’S BACK AND HE’S PERFECTLY FUCKING FINE.  With the odds now safely in their favor, Immortal beat up Fortune 4 on 3.

House shows.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Abyss cuts a mine babyface promo backstage, which would be great if he wasn’t supposed to be a monster heel.

Tonight, and RVD/Anderson match I don’t fucking care about.

Mexican America come out: Hernandez, some other guy, and TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Sarita & Rosita.  They all throw out some really awkward sounding Spanish.  The new guy’s name is El Anarquia, which I don’t think makes any sense.  They roll out a Mexican flag.  The challenge Matt Morgan to a Street Fight.  Morgan and Brother Devon come out to accept the challenge.

Street Fight: Hernandez & Anarquia (w/ TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Sarita & Rosita) vs. Matt Morgan & Brother Devon.  Morgan and Hernandez brawl outside.  Devon beats up Anarquia.  Devon hits a sidewalk slam for 2, then clotheslines Anarquia out of the ring.  Morgan and Hernandez come back in to brawl.  Morgan hits a fall away slam and the revolving elbows in the corner.  Morgan clotheslines Hernandez to the floor.  Sarita and Rosita talk shit to Morgan and Devon.  Sarita tances, which is pretty hot.  Velvet Sky comes out and attacks them.  Joy.  Velvet, who was stupid enough to attack 2 women, gets beaten down.  Angelina Love walks out looking like she just got a fresh botox injection.  Winter comes out and screams at her.  Angelina walks back to her.  So Winter is controlling Angelina’s mind now?  Meanwhile, Devon hits Anarquia with a shoulder block.  Morgan finally saves Velvet.  Anarquia hits Devon with an object and gets the pin in 3:40.  What a fucking mess.

Tonight, Anderson/RVD.  Ugh.

Ink Inc. vs. Scott Steiner & Crimson.  Steiner beats up Neal.  Steiner can still throw an awesome belly to belly suplex.  He does so, then hits a Steiner Line and an elbow drop, then does push ups.  Crimson tags in.  Double shoulder block.  Crimson hits a a Falcon Arrow for 2.  Crimson boots Neal out of the ring.  Moore tags in and gets his ass kicked.  Moore avoids Crimson in the corner.  Crimson catches Moore and slams him down.  Moore hits a moonsault body block, then yells at Neal for still being on the outside.  Neal dives, but Crimson catches him and hits the Red Alert for the pin in 3:03.  Total squash.  Neal shows respect to Steiner and Crimson after the match.  Moore wipes his ass with Steiner’s beer tag head dress, throws it at him, and runs away.  Steiner is pissed, and that’s damned scary.  Lots of beeped out swearing.

RVD/Anderson video package.  I’m not excited to see them have anything abysmal match.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contender Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Ken Anderson.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting is the special enforcer.  They trade headlocks and hammerlocks.  The mutants obnoxiously chant about being assholes.  They should chat “WE ARE RETARDS!”  RVD hits a flying kick and a standing moonsault for 2.  Anderson counters the Rolling Thunder and the monkey flip, then hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson hits an over the knee neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson grabs a chin lock.  Anderson accidentally clotheslines the ref and the ref does a 360 bump for it.  RVD superkicks Anderson.  Sting comes in to count 2.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  RVD kicks Anderson in the face and makes his comeback.  RVD hits the split legged moonsault for 2.  Anderson bails to avoid the Rolling Thunder.  RVD hits him with a slingshot dive.  They brawl outside.  Anderson throws a chair into the ring.  Sting throws it out.  Anderson kicks RVD in the balls and gives him the Mic Check into the post.  Anderson gets in the ring and orders Sting to count.  They argue, then start fighting.  The bell rings despite nobody calling for it in 6:36.  I assume RVD wins by DQ.  Anderson and Sting brawl on the outside.  Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and other geeks break them up.  Insta-commercials.

They show replays of what just happened.

Rob Van Dam talks backstage.  He seems to concussed and doesn’t remember that he just had a match.  He has no idea what’s going on.  The camera man tries to explain it to him.  He still thinks he’s getting ready for a match.

Ken Anderson throws a temper tantrum backstage.

Sting says he didn’t ring the bell.  Obviously.  Nobody knows what the hell happened.  Anderson comes up to yell at him.  They start brawling again.  Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and D’Lo Brown break them up.  Anderson says the Wizard of Oz rang the bell.  Seriously.  The show ends.  Thank God.

Horrible show.  Better than last week’s show, but that’s like saying HIV is better than AIDS.

Tyler Reks vs. Chris Masters.  They do a bit of wrestling.  Masters lands a shoulder block.  Reks gets a side headlock takeover, then lands a shoulder block of his own.  Masters throws Reks out of the ring.  Reks throws a fit outside.  Back inside, Masters lands a shoulder block and goes for the Master Lock.  Reks escapes and takes out the leg that was injured last week on Smackdown.  Reks goes to work on the leg.  Masters fights back and back body drops Reks to the floor.  Insta-commercials.  Reks works on Masters’ leg for a while.  Masters gets a schoolboy for 2, then hits a Samoan Drop.  Masters makes his comeback.  Spinebuster gets 2.  Masters falls down because of his bad leg.  Reks hits a Complete Shot for 2.  Masters counters a short lariat and locks in the Master Lock for the referee stop (6:39 shown).  Fine little match.

From Smackdown: The Corre beat down The Big Show and Kane.  Tomorrow, Wade Barrett challenges Kofi Kingston for the Intercontinental Championship!

Tonight, mixed tag!

Scott Stanford and Josh Matthews are now the announcers.  Justin Roberts is now the ring announcer.

Great Khali & Yoshi Tatsu vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso.  Khali is bandaged up from the beating he took on Raw from The Miz last week.  Yoshi and Jimmy go at it.  Yoshi hits a very wonky cradle out the corner for 2, then hits some arm drags.  Usos cut Yoshi off and get the heat on him.  Khali gets the lukewarm tag and… he doesn’t run wild, but he stumbles wild.  Khali hits the Punjabi Plunge (tree slam) on Jimmy for the pin in 3:57.  Yoshi worked the whole match, so it was fine.

Tonight, mixed tag!

WrestleMania hype.

The main event is next!

Daniel Bryan & Gail Kim vs. Tyson Kidd & Melina.  Gail and Melina lock up.  Melina backs Gail into the corner and cheap shots her.  They do some shit.  Gail gets a sunset flip for 2.  Gail hits a neckbreaker and tags Bryan in.  Bryan launches Gail onto Melina, then lifts her for a dropkick to Kidd.  Bryan gives Kidd a dropkick of his own for 2.  Bryan works Kidd’s arm.  Kidd lands a dropkick to the head and puts a beating on Bryan.  Kidd backs Bryan into the heel corner and beats on him.  Melina chokes Bryan behind the referee’s back.  Kidd continues to choking with his boot.  Kidd goes for the Sharpshooter.  Bryan counters and goes for the LeBell Lock.  Kidd gets the ropes.  Melina slaps Bryan.  Gail takes her out.  Bryan hits Kidd with a running knee off the apron.  Gail hits Melina with a diving cross body to the floor.  Insta-commercials.  Bryan beats up Kidd.  Kidd tags out.  Gail comes in and beats up Melina.  Gail applies a stretch muffler.  Melina escapes and does a Matrix dodge to avoid a cross body.  Melina gets the heat on Gail.  Melina goes for the Hog Log, but Gail counters.  Melina hits her with a split kick for 2.  Melina applies a wonky submission hold and turns into a Gedo Clutch for 2.  Gail turns into sort of a surfboard, then turns it into a Gedo Clutch for 2.  Double “drive each others’ face into the mat” spot.  Bryan and Kidd tag in.  Bryan runs wild.  Clothesline gets 2.  Bryan lands a high kick and goes up top.  Melina crotches him.  Gail takes out Melina.  Kidd springs up to attack Bryan, but is pushed down.  Bryan and Gail hit stereo missile dropkicks.  Bryan locks in the LeBell Lock for the win (9:06 shown).  Fun match.  Bryan and Gail celebrate.

Not a bad show this week.

Justin Roberts introduces Jim Ross.  Michael Cole comes out in a fat suit and a cowboy hat.  I already hate this show.  Cole throws the hat at Jerry Lawler and scampers into the Cole Mine for safety.  Cole, Lawler, and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

Triple H comes out to cut a promo about his match with The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  He asks Undertaker to show up on Raw next week.  He talks more about how one of them is going to die at Mania.  After the promo, Ted Dibiase Jr. comes out to talk about how far his star has fallen.  He wants to take out Triple H so people will notice him.  Triple H kicks his ass, throws him into stuff, and beats him with a chair.  Pedigree through the announce table.  This had absolutely no purpose besides burying Dibiase even further under the Earth.

Tonight, John Cena responds to the Miz live via satelitte.  Are you fucking serious?  Also, The Miz is “rewriting Miz-story.”  Ugh.  Commercials.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne.  Sheamus is good and pissed off, probably because he got the jobber entrance, and beats up Bourne.  Bourne avoids Sheamus in the corner, then kicks him in the face.  Bourne goes for the Shooting Star press, but crashes and burns when Sheamus avoids it.  Sheamus hits the brogue kick for the pin in 1:23.  There ya go.  Sheamus says he’s the United States Champion of America.  Former United States Champion of America Daniel Bryan comes out and says he wants his rematch at WrestleMania.  Sheamus throws him the belt and drops him with the brogue kick.  So Bryan is getting buried too.

Tonight, WrestleMania Rewind: Mysterio vs. Orton!  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Randy Orton defeating and punting Mason Ryan last week, to CM Punk’s displeasure.

Randy Orton steps off of his bus.  Scott Stanford interviews him.

Non-Title: Maryse vs. WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres.  Maryse prances around and poses.  Eve facetiously claps.  They get into a cat fight.  Maryse rams Eve’s face into stuff.  Eve avoids a charge and Maryse hits her leg on the rope.  Michael Cole starts talking over the match again, calling for it to end.  I actually agree with him, but feel sorry for the divas.  Eve goes for a standing moonsault, but Maryse gets her knees up.  Maryse goes for a neckbreaker, but Eve counters into her neckbreaker drop for the pin in 2:20.  Terrible.  Cole is happy it’s over, and so am I.  Eve tries to get at Cole in the Cole Mine, but of course Cole has security there to protect him from women and old announcers.  Eve manages to slap Cole’s arm.  Cole talks shit while security takes her away.

Tonight, Rewriting “Miz-Story,” whatever the fuck that is.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

From Smackdown: The Corre beat down The Big Show & Kane.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Corre (w/ Wade Barrett & Ezekiel Jackson) vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Tamina).  I’ve seen this match 700 times and it’s never been good.  Santino and Gabriel do some shit.  Santino threatens Slater with the Cobra.  Gabriel drops Santino with a kick for 2.  Slater tags in and works over Santino.  Kozlov gets the tag and runs wild.  Barrett distracts Kozlov.  Slater hits a reverse DDT.  Gabriel tags in and hits the 450 splash on Kozlov for the pin in 1:50.  At least it’s over.  Or not.  The Corre beat down Santino & Kozlov.  The Big Show and Kane make the save.  Kane throws Gabriel into the barricade.  Show gives Slater the KO punch.  Kane and Show hit a double chokeslam on Jackson.  Show shakes hands with Santino and Kozlov.

John Cena live via satellite next.  Commercials.

The Rock will be here next week.

Pittsburgh!

Highlights of Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio last week.  Cena was beaten down by Del Rio, Brodus Clay, and then The Miz who was dressed up as The Rock.

The announcers talk to John Cena via satellite.

Cole gets out of his cage to be obnoxious.  He promises to be obnoxious more next.  Commercials.

Michael Cole and Jack Swagger prance around the ring like fairies together.  Swagger stands in front of the announce table.  Cole talks shit about Lawler.  They show Brian Christopher being a snot nosed little bastard to his dad last week.  Cole says Christopher gave him the Lawler family photo album.  They show pictures of Lawler’s family on the big screen while Cole makes fun of them.  Lawler has finally had enough and gets up from the table.  Swagger jumps him, but Lawler kicks ass and chases Cole around the ring.  Swagger clotheslines Lawler and Cole scampers away into the Cole Mine for safety.  Swagger pushes Lawler’s face into the cage while Cole talks shit.  Swagger puts Lawler in the ankle lock.  With Lawler safely down, Cole takes over.  I can’t wait to see Lawler pound Cole’s face in at Mania.

Tonight, Mysterio vs. Orton!  Commercials.

Pittsburgh!

Lawler is gone.  Cole is an obnoxious little shit.

Last week: Stuff with Snooki, Vickie Guerrero, Trish Stratus, LayCool, Dolph Ziggler, and John Morrison.

Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero, Michelle McCool, & Layla) vs. John Morrison (w/ Trish Stratus).  They lock up.  Ziggler has found his viciousness.  He beats Morrison down.  Morrison rallies and beats on Ziggler in the corner.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler applies a rear chin lock.  Morrison fights out and lands a dropkick, then clotheslines Ziggler out of the ring.  McCool blocks him from doing a dive.  Trish takes out LayCool.  The iBooker dings in.  Cole reads that it’s now Morrison & Trish vs. Ziggler, LayCool, & Vickie.  Trish tries to grab Vickie, but LayCool get her away.  Commercials.  Ugh.

Handicap Match: Dolph Ziggler, Michelle McCool, Layla, & Vickie Guerrero vs. John Morrison & Trish Stratus.  JIP.  Ziggler has Morrison in a rear chin lock.  Morrison fights out.  Ziggler avoids the running knee and tags in Layla.  Trish beats up Layla.  Trish hits the Stratusphere, then chops Layla in the tits.  McCool kicks Trish from the apron.  They cut Trish off and get the heat on her.  Vickie tags in and misses a leg drop.  Morrison tags in and runs wild on Ziggler.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck.  Layla pulls Trish off the apron.  Morrison misses the Starship Pain.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag.  Ziggler tags in Vickie, who pins Morrison (4:11 shown).  Yes, John Morrison just did a job for Vickie Guerrero.  I hate the world.

Tonight, whatever stupid thing The Miz is doing.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Sin Cara vignette.

Various wrestlers talk about the Undertaker/Triple H Mania match.

They show Randy Orton taking out all of the members of the New Nexus as he makes his way to the ring.  Orton vs. Mysterio is NEXT!  Commercials.

They replay Orton’s promo from earlier tonight, with really horrible audio.

WrestleMania Rewind Match: Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Mysterio tries a go behind.  Orton elbows him in the face.  They go back and forth a bit.  Orton lands a European uppercut from his knees, which looks to be about the right height to hit Mysterio.  Orton slides Mysterio out of the ring and throws him back in, so that was pretty pointless.  Cover gets 2.  Orton continues the offensive with a rear chin lock.  Mysterio hits the diving seated senton.  Orton hits the powerslam and goes for the DDT OF MURDER.  Mysterio counters and goes for the 619.  Orton counters and hits the DDT OF MURDER.  CM Punk appears on the screen.  He’s at Orton’s bus.  He says he’s going to go in and meet Orton’s wife.  Orton runs to the back and presumable gets counted out.  He makes it to the bus, where Punk hits him with a wrench.  Orton’s wife screams, then looks oddly turned on by Punk, then calls for help.  I guess the match is a no-contest in about 4 minutes.  Shame.

Miz’s thing is next.  Commercials.

Undertaker, Triple H, and The Rock will all be here next week.

Alex Riley is in the ring.  He’s been rehired as Miz’s “Vice President of Corporate Communications.”  He introduces WWE Champion The Miz, who comes out without the belt.  He blathers for a while.  He turns the WWE log upside down so it looks like Ms instead of Ws, because his name is Miz.  He’s done the same with the belt.  John Cena appears on the tron and makes fun of him.  Geeks take away Cena’s “walls” to reveal he’s actually in the arena.  That was really fucking stupid.  Cena hits the ring to fight.  Miz runs away.  Cena puts Riley in the STF.  Repeatedly.

This show sucked.