WWE Monday Night Raw 10/11/10

WWE open.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Seattle, Washington.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

John Cena comes out to cut a promo.  He’s still allowed to cut promos on his own?  He promises to never give up.  He talks about his plight.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz says he’s going to captain Team Raw.  He offers Cena a spot on the team.  Cena thinks Miz being captain is ridiculous.  He says he’ll captain Team Raw.  Miz says he called dibs.  Wade Barrett comes out.  He says Cena will be in his corner for the WWE Title match at Bragging Rights, so he can’t be on Team Raw.  Cena says he can do both.  Barrett disagrees.  Riley says Cena needs to be in Barrett’s corner in case Miz decides to cash in Money In The Bank.  Miz bitches at him for ruining the surprise, but says it’s possible.  Cole gets an email from the fucking iBooker.  Crowd hates that shit and so do I.  iBooker has arranged a series of qualifying matches tonight.  It says there can only be one captain even though last year, both teams had co-captains.  iBooker books Miz vs. Cena tonight with the winner being the captain of Team Raw.  Miz is fine with this.  He talks shit to Barrett.  Barrett goes after Miz.  Miz and Riley beat up Barrett.  Barrett calls for help, so Cena makes the save and hits the Attitude Adjustment on Riley.  Barrett bitches at Cena for not saving him fast enough.  Commercials.  I enjoyed the segment.

Ted Dibiase Jr. and Maryse are in the ring.  They show Dibiase getting jumped by Goldust last week.

Team Raw Qualifying Match: Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres).  Eve dancing to R-Truth’s crappy music makes me love it.  They brawl.  Truth does some splits and hits a big kick for 2.  Dibiase lands a clothesline and a knee drop, then grounds & pounds Truth.  Cover gets 2.  Dibiase hits a swank backbreaker for 2.  Truth makes his comeback and hits a powerslam for 2.  Truth hits a front suplex for 2.  Dibiase avoids the scissors kick and hits a sweet sit-out spinebuster for 2.  Dibiase goes for his finish.  Goldust and Aksana come out with the Million Dollar Belt.  Truth schoolboys Dibiase for 2.  Truth hits the Lie Detector for the pin in 3:23.  Not a bad little TV match.  Eve dances some more, so this is a win.

Tonight, Cena vs. Miz!  Commercials.

Seattle!

Team Raw Qualifying Match: John Morrison vs. Tyson Kidd.  This should be good.  Cole says this was supposed to be a triple threat match with David Hart Smith, but Smith is MIA.  They wrestle a bit.  Kidd gets sent outside.  Morrison goes for a dive, but Kidd kicks him in the head.  Back inside, Kidd works a rear chin lock.  Morrison gets out and lands a dropkick.  Morrison gets pissed off and pounds on Kidd in the corner, then lands a side kick for 2.  Kidd h its a Russian leg sweep from the second rope for 2.  Kidd locks in the Sharpshooter.  Morrison counters out and kicks Kidd out of the ring.  Kidd hits his swank springboard reverse cradle for 2.  They each get 2 counts off of cradles.  MORRISON HITS THE MOTHERFUCKING C4 FOR THE PIN in 3:19.  Good little TV match and an awesome finish.

Team Raw so far is R-Truth and John Morrison!  Black Magic and the White Shadow will lead Team Raw to victory!

David Otunga, Heath Slater, and Justin Gabriel ask Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty what their deal is.  Wade Barrett comes in, sends Harris and McGillicutty away, then bitches at Otunga for being nice to Cena last week.  He wants one of them to volunteer to face Randy Orton tonight.  Otunga volunteers Gabriel.  It’s agreed, then.

Cena vs. Miz TONIGHT!  Commercials.

Team Raw Qualifying Match: Santino Marella vs. Zack Ryder.  Vladimir Kozlov comes out with Santino, then goes to the back and sends Santino to do battle alone.  He’s facing the Woo Woo guy.  Surely he can handle that.  Santino hits an arm throw.  Neither of these geeks belong on Team Raw.  Ryder beats up Santino.  Ryder covers for 2 a bunch of times in a row.  Santino avoids the Rough Ryder and hits a sliding clothesline.  Santino hits the Cobra for the pin in 1:45.  Silly comedy match.  Are they REALLY going to have Santino on Team Raw?  Tamina comes out, hugs Santino, and knocks him over.  This kiss cobra, then she throws him around.  Stupid match.  Stupid segment.

Team Raw so far is Morrison, Truth, and… Santino?

Randy Orton is headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Non-Title: Justin Gabriel (w/ Heath Slater & David Otunga) vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton.  Gabriel throws some leg kicks.  Orton throws a gut kick and a clothesline.  Gabriel bails.  Orton throws his ass back in the ring.  Otunga tries to Pearl Harbor him, but gets his ass kicked.  The referee ejects Otunga and Slater.  Commercials!  Gabriel throws some more leg kicks.  Orton dropkicks him in the face for 2.  Orton stomps on Gabriel.  Cover for 2.  Orton whips Gabriel into the corner.  Cover gets 2.  Gabriel jumps around and lands a spin kick.  Gabriel hits the Eddie hilo for 2.  Gabriel works Orton over in the corner.  Orton fights back.  Gabriel hits a jawbreaker and a basement dropkick for 2.  Gabriel works a rear chin lock.  Orton fights out.  Gabriel catches him with a knee lift for 2.  Gabriel chokes Orton with his own arm.  Orton hits a backdrop suplex to escape.  Orton ducks a spin kick and hits the 3.0 for 2.  Gabriel flips over Orton’s back and eats a clothesline.  Orton hits the powerslam.  Orton hits a belly to belly suplex of all things for 2.  Gabriel kicks Orton in the head.  Gabriel goes for the 450 splash.  Orton tries to roll out of the way, but gets caught in the back.  Uh oh, Orton’s going to throw a fit on live TV now.  Or he’ll just hit the RKO for the pin in 11:03.  Yeah, that one.  Okay match, but kind of slow and plodding.  They show a graphic for the title match at Bragging Rights with characters from the 2011 video game and I’m pretty sure some 15 year old made a Barrett CAW for it.  Either that, or those body scanner things are defective.

Tonight, Cena/Miz!

Sheamus is headed our way!  Commercials.

Seattle!

“Knucklehead” trailer.  It actually looks kind of funny, but by the time they show this trailer 399 times in the next week, I won’t want to see it.

Team Raw Qualifying Match: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus.  Danielson goes on the attack because he’s pissed that Sheamus MURDER DEATH KILLED him last week.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock.  Sheamus grabs the ropes and bails.  Danielson hits a baseball slide dropkick and goes for a slingshot dive.  Sheamus catches him and tries to post him.  Danielson slips out and dropkicks Sheamus into the post.  Back inside, Bryan covers for 2.  Bryan backflips over Sheamus, then gets caught with the uranage backbreaker.  FUCKING COLE SAYS TEAM WWE LOST AT SUMMERSLAM WHEN THEY FUCKING WON.  FUCKING IDIOT.  AND LAWLER IS TOO STUPID TO KNOW HE’S WRONG TO CALL HIM ON IT.  Sheamus hits a clothesline for 2.  Sheamus beats up Bryan.  Danielson fights back and lands some hard kicks.  Danielson lands a Buzzsaw kick for 2.  Danielson hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Danielson goes for a half crab.  Sheamus counters out and hits a Polish hammer.  Sheamus starts kneeing Danielson in the head like last week.  The referee makes him break.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but DANIELSON COUNTERS INTO A SUNSET FLIP FOR 2.  Sheamus hits the pump kick for the pin in 5:18.  Good little TV match.  That seems to be the theme for tonight.  At least Danielson looked strong this week.

John Cena is sitting in the locker room looking sad.  R-Truth comes in to give him a pep talk.  Truth tells Cena there’s another way out of this: he can quit.  Yeah, that’ll work well.  Commercials.

Cole verbally fellates The Miz.  Then they plug a Goo Goo Dolls song.

WWE loves the troops!

Team Raw Qualifying Match: Evan Bourne vs. CM Punk.  Punk is who Raw got in the trade that sent Edge to Smackdown.  Bourne eludes Punk and lands some leg kicks, then sends Punk to the floor with a jumping knee.  Bourne tries a rana off the apron, but Punk catches him and throws him into the barricade!  Back inside, Punk works over Bourne.  Bourne fights back and NAILS Punk with a kick to the head.  Bourne goes for the Shooting Star press, but Punk crotches him on the top rope.  Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 2:18.  As awesome a 2 minute match as you’re gonna get.  I approve of trading Edge for Punk.  Punk attacks Bourne and throws him into barricade again and again.  Just to be a dick.  Punk javelins Bourne shoulder first into the post, then locks him in the Anaconda Vice.  How dastardly!  Bourne must be injured.

Tonight, Cena vs. Miz!  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.  During the break, Evan Bourne was helped to the back.

Natalya is hot.  She’s also in the ring.  She cuts a promo on LayCool and says she’ll win the title at Bragging Rights.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to be obnoxious.  FYI Michelle, Nattie is WAY hotter than you.  They insult her, even though she’s the hottest one in the ring.  They show a picture of Nattie with her dad’s goatee.  Nattie calls them obnoxious and too skinny.  They take this as a compliment.  They’re obnoxious some more, then leave.  Awful segment.  Because everything they do with LayCool is awful.  The Bella Twins, Melina, Gail Kim, and Eve Torres come out to kick their asses.  Nattie beats up Layla and goes for the Sharpshooter.  McCool pulls her out of the ring and they bail through the crowd.

Miz is headed our way!  Commercials.

Justin Roberts announced that the main event will by No DQ!

No DQ Team Raw Qualifying Match: The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. John Cena.  They lock up.  Cena leapfrogs Miz and hits a hip toss.  Miz bails.  Cena chases him back into the ring.  Riley pulls Cena out of the ring and clotheslines him.  It’s No DQ!  Commercials.  Cena hits a bulldog for 2.  Miz catches Cena with an elbow smash and a boot to the face.  Miz grounds & pounds Cena, then throws him out of the ring.  Riley nails Cena again.  Miz rams Cena’s head into the announce table.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Cena breaks out and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Miz pushes Cena into the barricade.  Riley goes after Cena again and gets his ass kicked.  Miz exposes a portion of the barricade and sends Cena into it.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Cena avoids the running clothesline to the corner and makes his comeback.  Miz breaks out of the Attitude Adjustment and boots Cena in the face for 2.  Cena goes for the STF, but Miz counters.  Miz hits the backbreaker/neckbreaker combo for 2.  Riley hands Miz the Money In The Bank briefcase.  Cena avoids the shot and locks Miz in the STF.  Why doesn’t Riley save?  Oh, there he is.  Cena shoulder blocks Riley, then locks him in the STF.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty come in and jump Cena.  Harris hits his senton splash.  Miz covers Cena for the pin in 10:30.  Fun match.  Miz beat Cena!  He needed 3 people to help him do it, but he did it!  Miz captains Team Raw at Bragging Rights!  Cena attacks Harris and McGillicutty.  Wade Barrett comes in to break it up.  Cena comes dangerously close to decking him.  iBooker sends another email.  I hate that shit.  Cole reads the announcement of Harris & McGillicutty vs. John Cena & Randy Orton next week.  Barrett tells Cena that if he loses, Harris and McGillicutty will be inducted into Nexus.  He tells Cena to do the right thing next week.  Barrett riles up Cena and calls him a coward.  Barrett turns his back on Cena and talks shit.  Cena is impotent and can’t do anything about it.  The shit at the end went on for too long.

Really fun show this week with lots of fun (if short) matches.  They needed a decent show after that fucking abortion last week.