WWE Monday Night Raw 10/4/10

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

The Nexus come out.  Barrett says he won last night, so John Cena has to join the Nexus.  He says that Michael McGillicutty and Husky Harris interfered last night without his asking and they are not part of The Nexus.  He says he didn’t need any help to beat Cena.  That being the case, he’s pissed off at Nexus for coming out last night.  Barrett calls out the newest member of The Nexus, John Cena.  Cena comes out with no music or fanfare.  Tarver bitches at Cena for kicking his ass a while back, then presents Cena with a Nexus armband.  Cena puts on the armband.  Slater gives him a prepared statement to read to the people.  Cena reads that he’s a member of the Nexus, their enemies are his, etc.  Barrett says tonight, Cena will team with a Nexus member of his choice against Mark Henry & Evan Bourne.  Cena picks Tarver.  Barrett says the match will be RIGHT NOW!

John Cena & Michael Tarver (w/ Wade Barrett, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, & David Otunga) vs. Mark Henry & Evan Bourne.  They show the beating that Nexus gave Henry & Bourne last week.  Cena and Bourne shake hands.  Tarver bitches at Cena.  Cena tags in Tarver.  Tarver talks shit to Bourne, then cheap shots him and goes on the attack.  Commercials.  Henry beats up Tarver and works his arm.  Bourne tags in and continues to work.  Cena sarcastically reaches out for a tag.  Henry tags back in.  Tarver goes for the tag, but Cena makes no great effort to reach him.  Henry works over Tarver some more.  Bourne tags in.  Henry slams Tarver.  Bourne hits a standing moonsault for 2.  Tarver hits Bourne with a belly to belly suplex.  Cena refuses to tag in again and drops off the apron to sign autographs.  Tarver turns around to fight Mark Henry, who hits him with the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin in 8:56.  Crappy match, but fun in terms of the storyline.  The rest of Nexus disappeared at some point.  Cena says he’s going to make his own statement: That he’s going to destroy Nexus from within.  “You can be Nexus AND against us.”  He decks Tarver with the microphone, then kills him with a clothesline on the floor.  Cena sets up the steps and slams Tarver onto them twice.  Cena throws Tarver back into the ring, takes his knee out, and locks him in the STF.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker saying that Cena has to let Barrett boss him around or be fired.  Cena is upset by this.  Commercials.

Natalya vs. Alicia Fox.  No entrances.  Fox attacks Natalya and goes for a diving cross body.  Natalya catches her and goes for a powerslam, but gets sent into the corner.  Natalya lands a clothesline and locks Fox in the Sharpshooter for the win in 42 seconds.  Better than most women’s matches because it wasn’t long enough to start sucking.

They show Edge beating up the laptop last week.  Tonight, the iBooker wants an apology.

That douchebag Johnny Knoxville will be on next.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Johnny Knoxville is an idiot.  Also, he talks to Gail Kim and Melina.  Zack Ryder comes up and gets slapped by a giant hand.  I hate wrestling.

John Cena wanders around sadly.  Josh Matthews interviews him.  He doesn’t know what to do.  He sees Michael McGillicutty and Husky Harris and chases them into the Nexus locker room.  Barrett says he his big plans for Cena’s future.  Commercials.

The dudes who did the crappy Hell In A Cell song are here.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus.  Bryan gets the jobber entrance.  Sheamus sees this and destroys him like a jobber.  Sheamus murders Bryan with knee drops until the ref DQ’s him in 30 seconds.  Sheamus hits the Razor’s Edge.  Way to make your U.S. Champion look like a total geek, retards.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

Moments ago, the Cena chased McGillicutty and Harris into the Nexus locker room.

Michael Cole has the iBooker podium set up in the ring.  Cole brags about being the GM’s voice.  They show the angle where Edge beat up the laptop last week.  Again.  Cole calls out Edge.  Edge says he’s not going to apologize.  He’s on a crusade against stupidity.  He rips Michael Cole’s shitty announcing and says he’ll show some serious attitude after he becomes WWE Champion again.  iBooker says there will be a 20-man battle royal tonight for the title shot at Bragging Rights, but Edge won’t be in it because he’s traded to Smackdown.  Edge is happy with this.  He rips Cole’s stupid catchphrase, “And I quote.”  Cole gets all indignant and demands respect.  Edge threatens to spear him.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out to defend Cole for some reason.  Edge calls Miz an Edge wannabe, giving some valid points.  Miz says there’s nothing alike.  Edge says Miz is a loser and implies that he and Riley are gay.  Riley comes to his boyfriend’s defense.  Edge makes fun of Miz for tapping out to Daniel Bryan.  Haha, Miz got tapped twice by a jobber!  That’s the message WWE is sending here.  Miz says he’ll either wrestle for the WWE Title or lead Team Raw.  Edge calls him a jackass and kicks his and Riley’s ass.  He throws Miz into the iBooker podium, then spears Riley.  Miz comes from behind and gives Edge the Skull Crushing Finale.  Fun segment.  Edge is now the biggest babyface in the world to me.

The Nexus and Cena are backstage.  Barrett is happy Cena took out Tarver, because he was going to kick him out anyway.  Good!  I’m glad that worthless fuck is gone.  Barrett orders Cena to help him win the battle royal tonight, and he has to do it or he’s fired!  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

The Bella Twins vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla.  UGH.  FUCKING LAYCOOL HAVE LIVE MICS FOR THEIR MATCH.  FUCK FUCK FUCK.  I HATE THIS SHOW.  FUCK.  THEY’RE DOING COMMENTARY ON THEIR OWN FUCKING MATCH.  They have the worst, most obnoxious segment I’ve ever seen on a wrestling show.  One of the Bellas pins McCool with a crucifix hold in 1:04.  I hate wrestling.

Maryse accuses Johnny Knoxville of sending those stupid messages.  Ted Dibiase Jr. comes at him and gets slapped by the giant hand.  Maryse throws her shoes at Knoxville.  She gets slapped by the hand too.  This is the worst fucking show I’ve ever seen.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: R-Truth & Eve Torres beating Dibiase & Maryse 2 weeks ago and the message on the Tron.

Jackass 3 trailer.  Fast forward.

Johnny Knoxville comes out to be obnoxious.  He plugs his movie.  Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. & Maryse come out to Dibiase’s fucking awful new music.  Knoxville implies that Dibiase has a small wang.  Dibiase puts him down with the Million Dollar Dream.  Yay!  The words “You are mine” come up on the tron.  Goldust appears in the ring and gives Dibiase the spinning brainbuster.  He says he doesn’t want either of them.  He wants the Million Dollar belt!  He… hugs the belt, then puts it over his shoulder.  Okay, this turned out to be fucking awesome.

Tonight, 20 man Battle Royal!  Commercials!

Wichita!  Sponsors!

Make A Wish!

They show Cena beating the shit out of Tarver again.

Cena looks at his Nexus armband.  David Otunga offers to be his shoulder to cry on.  They seem to be planting a seed of discontent between Barrett and Otunga.

They show Randy Orton punting Chris Jericho last week.

Entrances for the Battle Royal.  They make a big deal out of Cena being forced to come out with Nexus instead of to his own music.  The Battle Royal is NEXT!  Commercials.

20-Man Battle Royal to determine the #1 Contender for the WWE Championship featuring John Morrison, R-Truth, Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Sheamus, John Cena, Wade Barrett, David Otunga, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, William Regal, David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, Ted Dibiase Jr., Zack Ryder, Evan Bourne, The Miz, Darren Young, and Primo.  Everyone else gangs up on Nexus. for like a second  Sheamus boots Bourne off of the apron to eliminate him, then dumps David Hart Smith.  Cena eliminates Regal.  Everybody brawls.  Santino gets eliminated.  Henry press slams Zack Ryder out of the ring.  Primo gets the same treatment.  Henry tries to eliminate Barrett, but Cena saves.  Nexus (minus Cena) dump Henry, then bitch at Cena for not helping.  Otunga talks shit, so Cena eliminates him.  Barrett bitches at Cena.  Commercials.  During the break, Barrett eliminated Kozlov and Gabriel & Slater eliminated Young.  Everybody brawls.  Cena throws people off of Barrett.  Morrison eliminates Slater.  Cena saves Barrett from being eliminated by Morrison and Truth.  Morrison eliminates Tyson Kidd with the Flying Chuck.  Miz hits the running clothesline to the corner on Morrison.  Miz tries to eliminate Morrison, but Morrison turns the tables and eliminates Miz.  Dibiase and Sheamus attack Barrett and Cena.  Truth eliminates Gabriel with a big kick.  Dibiase backdrops Truth out of the ring.  Barrett beats up Dibiase as Cena stays close to protect his master.  Barrett tosses Dibiase.  It’s down to Cena, Barrett, Sheamus, and Morrison.  Morrison and Barrett attack Cena.  Barrett comes to his aid.  Morrison brawls with Barrett as Sheamus works over Cena.  Morrison lands a big kick on Barrett from the apron, but falls to the floor to eliminate himself.  Cena makes his comeback on Sheamus.  Sheamus counters the Attitude Adjustment and hits the Irish Curse backbreaker.  Sheamus goes for the pump kick, but Cena avoids it and eliminates him.  Barrett orders Cena to eliminate himself.  Cena teases manning up and fighting Barrett, but does as he’s told like a good boy.  Barrett wins in 19:35.  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out to pose with the belt in front of Barrett.

Horrible fucking show.  I liked maybe 3 minutes out of a freaking 2 hour show.  What a piece of shit.